Not sure what I want anymore...but have a few questions

specialjune

Hello knotties,

Has anyone just changed their mind in the middle of planning and just changed everything about their plans?

At first we wanted no more than 40 pp (invited guests and their guest). Now we don't even want that. We want it down to immediate family. That should be no more than 10-15 ppl. We are starting our life together brand new so I feel the money could be used towards that instead of feeding and entertaining the extra 25 ppl. We haven't sent out any invites yet, people just know that when we get married, it will be in Vegas. That is the one thing we are certain of because we love it there.

People know I plan on getting married but how do I gently tell then that "I am still going to vegas, I'm just not inviting any of you"? One coworker practically blasted me when I originally told her months ago that I was leaning towards immediate family. Who gets upset about that? I don't speak of the wedding often as I find it insensitive to speak someone's ear off about a wedding they aren't invited to.

The next issue is that my FH's family, and my family have never hung together in the 15 years we have been together. Never. We don't host things often so there was never really a need and quite frankly they have nothing in common...well soon they will have us but I still don't see gathering after that.  What kind of activities would you suggest for me to do with them in Vegas that a whole family could enjoy (outside of wedding and dinner)? Should we pay for any of these activities?

Thanks a million

bbuckner984

I am with you on changing my mind a million times. When I first started planning I KNEW I wanted the Mandalay and "whoever wanted to come could come." The more I got into it I changed my mind on the venue several times and decided to add a formal reception, thus actually making a strict guest list. Ironically, we just booked the Mandalay. 

My suggestion would be to eliminate all talk of wedding with those people you are not inviting. I know it is hard to do (trust me!) but making non-committal "we are still finalizing plans" and changing the subject will do wonders. I am sure a lot of people have expressed interest in going, but once they look at their personal budgets and see what their expense would be, I bet some rethink it. If anyone pushes you "we opted for a small, intimate wedding with just immediate family." Period. 

For activities with both families, we are doing a DD bus tour the day before. The rental fees are minimal and we have a lot of guests that have never been to Vegas, so that are sure to enjoy it. Actually, most of our family members and friends that are invited are more pumped about that than anything else (including my FMIL, which is really funny for her). 

If the DD bus tour does not appeal, a simple meet and greet party in a lounge or something in or near your hotel would be nice. I believe there have been fellow knotties who have done something similar and really enjoyed it. 

Hope that helps and sorry for the long response!

specialjune

Thank you for your advice bbuckner984 I really appreciate it. I will look into the DD buses. His frinds/family have never been to Vegas and they would like that. I have no problem with long responses

Jessica632011

Yes I have changed my mind over and over again. It contuines to happen to me all of the time. Originally I wanted to just go to Vegas with FI and a couple friends,get married and have a great time! Then I really just wanted the two of us to go. Now I getting married and having a ballroom reception at Mandalay Bay with about 60 people. My wedding has taken on a life of it's own. As of today I wish I could just go back to it just being FI and I. But I now have way to much stuff done to turn back now. So I just wanted to let you know I was in the same boat as you. Good Luck!

wiwicaty

It's good that you haven't shared too much about your wedding plans so far. If anyone asks just say that for budget and other personal reasons you opted for a very intimate affair. That's also what we did. 

I woudln't worry too much about organizing activities with all your family members. If you want to include a bus tour it's perfectly fine but I'm sure that everyone will have just as good a trip by "improvising". 

Hubby and I have also been together for 15 years and our families, like yours, although on good social terms, haven't bonded into full on friendship or anything. Still, when we were all in Vegas they organized things to do together, went to eat together and just had a great touristy time We were busy relaxing and working on the last WR things while everyone either went exploring or simply lounged by the pools. 

I'd say that almost all brides go through stages of severe brainstorming during the planning I remember going nuts looking for the best photo/video option. It can take a while to figure out what makes you really happy.

specialjune

thanks a bunch for all of the help. I am beginning to calm down now

nycheryl

I'm another bride who went through multiple changes, especially after reading lots of good (e.g. - less expensive) options here.  I went from an in-suite at MB (catered by MB) to Maggiano's.

My family and FI's family have never met because they live in different countries.  The first time they will meet will be in Vegas.  We've decided to have both families (parents and siblings; about ten people) to our suite the night before the wedding for a casual meal.  We thought it'd be a nice way for everyone to hang out and get to know each other... then they can be more comfortable at the reception.

HTH

mizutamababy

We did a meet and greet karaoke the night before since we didn't really have funds for a full meal- I definitely recommend doing some kind of meet and greet.  The DD bus is also good a PPs suggested.

We originally considered bowling night because both of our families are into that, but ended up not doing it since I didn't want to chance ruining my nails.  Is there any interests your family shares?

nataliet02

We are doing immediate family only too. There have been a few friends and coworkers who say they are gonna  crash the wedding but I don't think they really mean it. Most people that I tell the reason why we are doing small understand and even say we are smart for not spending thousands of dollars. Honestly if you haven't sent out invites it is really up to you what you want to do. People may get hurt (as one of FI's cousins did) but they also have to understand that it's not that you don't want to celebrate with them it's just that you would rather not start your new life together in a huge debt.

specialjune

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. We arent trying to be mean but you are correct. We have to do whats best for our budget. We have been saving up so much for our wedding budget that we forgot we had so many other expenses since we also will need a place to live, more funiture, etc.

nycheryl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_not-sure-want-anymorebut-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:9ce20c08-424a-40d8-bf31-655b5f40fb92Post:00011d10-8467-4f91-99e3-6f379146ad20">Re: Not sure what I want anymore...but have a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. We arent trying to be mean but you are correct. We have to do whats best for our budget. We have been saving up so much for our wedding budget that we forgot we had so many other expenses since we also will need a place to live, more funiture, etc.
Posted by specialjune[/QUOTE]


I think most people understand and won't think you're being mean.  If they don't, they're not worth it.  ;)

I found once I stopped talking about the wedding with people who weren't on our "definites" list, they stopped asking.  Usually when someone asks now, I say "planning's going well, we're just very excited to be married."  Then I change the subject :)

BillandJen

I totally understand.  At first we just wanted our family and very close friends (under 50 people) but we found ourselves going over the guest list and saying things like "well if we invite so and so we have to invite this other person too."  We sent out 67 invites and that brought our guest list to over 100 with all the kids and guests (my aunt and best friend threw a tiny fit over the whole no kids thing so we had to allow them).  We knew alot of people wouldn't or couldn't come for various reason but sent them invites out of respect. A few for the simple reason that they had invited us to thier wedding.  So far our guest list is up to 35 people and we have less than a month to go for the rsvp deadline.  I think we'll have under or around 50 which is what we wanted.  But for a few months when we first sent out the invites I was freaking out because I thought everyone would come.  Looking back on it now I wish I would have just explained to those people that we only invited to be polite that we could only invite a certain # of people.  Would have saved me alot of stress.  I still have nightmares about getting a huge pile of yes RSVP's in the mail. The craziest thing about it is that our chapel only seats 70 so if everyone decided to come we'd have to move the wedding!  I don't know what we where thinking.   I would say keep your guestlist to the number you really want and don't make exceptions...for your sanity's sake.