Mom & Guestlist vent

mary1217

My mom called last night to discuss dates for the shower.  She mentioned that she thinks I should invite her FI's daughter to the wedding (I've been around her maybe a total of 10 times - she invited me to her wedding -verbally - but I had another wedding of really close friends on the same night so I did not go). What my mom doesn't think about is I can't just invite her - it will be her, her husband, my mom's FI's son and his parents. So that is at least another 5 people assuming his son isn't dating anyone.  Thats an additional $450 just for the ceremony and reception alone.  Not to mention favors, more cake, potentially another table I will need a centerpiece for. 

She offered to pay for the daughter to come - but didn't think we needed to invite the son or her FI's parents.  I know them all equally and I would feel bad inviting her and not the rest.  I told her if she was willing to pay for them all then fine.  But I need to know, and need the money because invites are going out in a month. 

Our guestlist is currently at 106, and I know not everyone will come - but I was kind of planning on that to save us money.  We are paying for the wedding ourselves and have recently bought a house so any extra money we don't have to pay for the wedding will be nice.  I don't know if I should say no all together - or ask her how much she is willing to help out with if I invite them all.

Siglers0412

Oh boy. I totally understand-- We bought a house in May and are paying for the wedding ourselves in Atlanta, we live in NH...... FMIL wanted to add a few more people too and we just had to say no. This is a tough one......Does your mom realize how much it costs per person? If it's THAT important to her that they go, maybe just suck it up and add them for her, I'm sure she would appreciate it.  If they just put you over budget, maybe explain that to her and see how she responds.

I'm sorry that's not a lot of advice...we had to say no to a few people.  When we told her that the guest count was lower because a lot of my family can't afford to make the trip, she wanted to give us another list and we told her no, we wanted to save that money for other aspects of the wedding.

kamarks08

I would definitely get an agreement with your mother on how much she's willing to contribute for these added guests. (if you're comfortable with adding them) Say you'll invite them but "this is how much it'll cost to add them" and make sure she's very clear with what her part will be so you're not getting screwed over in the end. 

mary1217

Yeah I would definitely get the money before the invites go out.  We are getting together on the 19th so I think I will talk to her about it then. 

brittandjp

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_mom-guestlist-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:3aefbe8b-651f-4a25-8632-416b3b973c24Post:eacb38d5-726a-4c5a-8961-d0b54a6d521d">Re: Mom & Guestlist vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I would definitely get an agreement with your mother on how much she's willing to contribute for these added guests. (if you're comfortable with adding them) Say you'll invite them but "this is how much it'll cost to add them" and make sure she's very clear with what her part will be so you're not getting screwed over in the end. 
Posted by kamarks08[/QUOTE]

All of this for sure. If she's paying, it doesn't really hurt to say no. However, she can't just expect you to add a chunk of people. You're right, it is a lot to add even one more person because then you have to add X amount of more people, which definitely adds up. Good luck!