As if I didn't have enough to stress about already... (LONG)

w+c3

So last night I got together with 2 of my bridesmaids and my parents to knock out all the favors and my bridesmaid brings up this story. Needless to say I was instantly one big stress ball.

So W recently broke up (like a month) with her 2 yr boyfriend. And as most people I've seen who end a long term relationship she is having a lot of fun with her freedom. Well she went to FL over her Christmas break and met her cousins bf's best friend. She tells me that he is going to be her date for the wedding and he is flying from FL to IN just for the wedding. So yeah whatever. She is bringing someone I don't know to the wedding and that kind of sucks but overall not that big of a deal in the grand scheme. She told about how he was just a cute friend and how fun he was.

Flash forward 2 weeks and she is falling head over heels for this dude. She flew down to FL for her 21st birthday and stayed at his house, they hung out and he did all the things a guy typically does to win you over when you first start liking eachother etc. Well now she is blabbering endlessly about him while we're making favors. And first off all the girls were supposed to stay at my parents house with me the night before the wedding because it was my way of making sure I didn't have to worry about anyone being late and hair starts at 6 am.  Well she drops the bomb that she might not stay the night because she doesn't have a babysitter for her dog that night. (Her house is 45 mins away from my parents)  And then she goes and I don't know what I'm going to do with S. He won't have car and stuff. So she starts insinuating that he could stay at my house with us. And my mom kind of opens her mouth and says she thinks it would be fine if he slept on the couch. I DO NOT find it fine. I wanted a girls night before my wedding. I'm already going to be freaking out and I just wanted to put on my pjs and a spend my time surrounded by my best friends. If he stays at our house she will have to be a good friend and keep him company and such. And after all the stress of the rehersal and entertaining ppl at the rehersal dinner the last thing I want to do is come home and play hostess to some rando dude I've never met until that night. Then he would be there in the morning when we were all getting ready. We'll have to feed him. and I just wanted my time to be a guy free zone except maybe my dad. And like my MOH says you have no clue what this guy is like. What if his personality is really irritating to me?

Then she is like well and I dont' know what I'm going to do with him on Saturday. She was like well he could always chill with us in the hotel room or I could just send him with Chris. UM EXCUSE ME??? He will absoluetly not be in my bridal suite. No way no how. Girls will be getting dressed in there and such and I just don't want some rando person to be hanging around. I wanted to spend my wedding day surrounded by friends and family that I love. Not randos. And I'm sure as a hell not pushing this dude off on my FI to entertain all day. Her rudeness just seriously blows my mind. Then we've got the fact he won't have a car that day and how he should follow us up to Valpo because he won't know where he is going. Give him your car and some mapquest directions. I mean seriously.

I was so frustrated by the time she left that I was almost in tears. And of course my mother procedes to tell me I have really no say in it. And I said I'll be damned if I don't. I don't know who should have more say about who surrounds me on that day!! Luckily my MOH and FI agree that its just crappy. And I can't be mad at my bm becuase where she is from its kind of normal and she is a befriend everyone go with the flow type of girl and I know that she see's nothing wrong with it. And I know that she is trying to be a good Host but this guy agreed to fly in to be a date to someone in the wedding party and that she wouldn't be able to entertain him much  on Sat. etc. But he needs to get a hotel room to stay at or she give him her car and he go stay and take care of the dog and drive himself to the wedding. But really this should not be my problem. But now I'm left confronting a good friend who has been so helpful with the wedding and telling her that this won't work and I won't be his babysitter for the day. (in nicer terms of course.)

UGH SERIOUSLY THIS FREAKING STRESSES ME OUT SO MUCH!!!

Thanks for reading. It was a long one but I so needed to speak.

bethmerchant

I feel your pain. My mom moved in with me last summer a year after my ad passed away. She is a big help to me with my daughter. I had said early on in the wedding planning that I really didn't want anyone staying at the house with us before the wedding. It was my way of nicely saying my brother & his family needed to stay at a hotel. Done. Next thing I know, about Nov., my mom informs me that she's invited her best friend and my dad's college roommate to stay with us. I'm NOT happy! I told my brother & sis-in-law that I may be in the hotel room next to them! Oh the joys of dealing with extra crap!!

elidellio

Ugh. I'm sorry, Whit. That sounds like a huge mess!! Do you think your BM would understand if you explain that it's bothering you? Maybe if you explain it carefully without getting upset with her she'll be fine with him staying at her house and borrowing her car. 

It that doesn't help, just make the best of it I guess. I'm sure he doesn't want to butt in on your girl time any more than you want him to so I bet he'll stay out of the way.

KatieC82

I think she's making a lot of assumptions about what this guy will want to do.  I don't know any guy who would willingly invade a pre-wedding slumber party and a bridal suite. Just be direct and make some suggestions for other ways she can handle it, it probably hasn't occurred to her to ask him what he would like to do.

a+b=u&me

You need to tell her how you feel. If you don't everything you wrote that you don't want to happen... will. Just be direct. I was direct, and it caused a ibg fight, and not I am down 1 BM, and my FI does not have a Best man.... but thats a different scenario. I would just tell her this guy cannot be hanging around on YOUR day.You are going to be so nervous and stressed out that you don't need another reason to add to your day to feel that way! We don't get the name Bridezillas for any reason. LOL... but seriously, its YOUR day. I'm learning that the hard way. It is what it is though. You have to remember that your friend may be bitter towards you, and that is OK. Its just a feeling that hopefully she will get over. If she is so happy go lucky, then she should understand your concerns that you have. Goodluck. HTH...

cmac3504

Sorry to hear about the tough day I'm sure you could discuss your feelings about the situation with her.  Hope it works out!!!

brittandjp

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_didnt-enough-stress-already-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:d6248872-20a0-4b11-8105-e190f276b6bfPost:70a0bd9e-7ae5-48e5-8f16-b30190877d44">Re: As if I didn't have enough to stress about already... (LONG)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think she's making a lot of assumptions about what this guy will want to do.  I don't know any guy who would willingly invade a pre-wedding slumber party and a bridal suite. Just be direct and make some suggestions for other ways she can handle it, it probably hasn't occurred to her to ask him what he would like to do.
Posted by KatieC82[/QUOTE]

All of this. She should talk to the guy and see what he wants to do and leave it up to them to come up with an alternate plan for him. He may not be in agreeance with all of her assumed plans. What she is suggesting as of now just isn't going to work and you definitely need to let her know. I know it's frustrating to have to deal with it, but you definitely need to speak up. Since your MOH completely agrees, perhaps she can say something to the other BM if you'r too anxious to do so. Regardless, she needs to know that you need your space, you need your girls, you  need your down time, and you need your girly prep time the morning of your wedding. I know the chick is a go with the flow type girl, but honestly, that would stress ME out - being in a wedding party, trying to do wedding party activities, yet having to engage and entertain another person, regardless of how "into" him she is. Anyway, I'm sorry Whit, definitely speak up though (or have your MOH do it) so that you can avoid this situation altogether. Good luck!!! :)