March 2012 Weddings

Anyone worried about being judged?

Ok so Britts post about her new inlaws judging her dress and me listening to some of my wedding music and thinking about my wedding has got me worried what some people will think about my wedding! Mainly FI's immediate family (dad, sisters, etc)

I'm having a nicer wedding than most anyone has in my hometown. FI's family isn't extravagant. They don't make fusses about anything. They aren't great at showing emotion. Well anyways I'm worried that they are going to see my wedding and think well either "spoiled brat" or "gold digger" which the 2nd one can't really be true but you know what I'm getting at? I can only imagine what they are already thinking/ will think that day. And even though I'd like to think I don't care. But I do. Totally do. It kills me.

Their not the only people I'm worried about though. My ceremony isn't filled with one piece of classical music. What will people really think? And I mean who knows what someone might pick on. I'm having like luminaries lighting the walk from the church to the reception, there will be a snow machine that snows on our first dance. we'll have uplighting and an image projected onto the wall. Ugh the thought of someone sitting at a table and complaing to their date about my wedding in any aspect kills me lol. Ugh!

Anyone else worried about being judged??

Re: Anyone worried about being judged?

  • Sometimes I wonder what people will think. We aren't going over the top and having a "party wedding" No alcohol, no fancy food, really low key. I know no one is going to walk away talking about what an awesome party we threw. But for me it is more about our families coming together to support us. I'm more interested in the marriage. The wedding is just a bonus.
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  • The truth is the vast majority of people will look at your wedding and say that it will be a lovely day.  Very, very few people will judge or compare your wedding to their wedding or another wedding.  And if they are one of those people then their opinion doesn't really matter anyway.  The wedding is a marriage between you and your fiance and they are simply guests sharing in the joyous occasion.  If they choose to critique your wedding, shame on them.  

    BTW- I was MOH in a wedding last summer and the bride bc a bridezilla, comparing weddings that summer to hers (we're talking counting the chairs, timing the drive, saying her dress was better, etc.  with a negative comment for everything.  That was an extreme example, but I have never heard anyone critique a wedding like she did and I've been to many weddings.  Due to that example and many other reasons we are no longer friends.  You can't dwell on people's negative & narcissistic comments, its just not healthy.  
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  • I hope I didn't alarm you.  My point was to not worry about being judged-the wedding is about the 2 of you and not them.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_anyone-worried-being-judged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:d7fa9ca7-ed6c-4e51-a26e-a05382ff59bePost:79fc4d2c-cdcd-43b3-9b8c-d6552456d013">Re: Anyone worried about being judged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hope I didn't alarm you.  My point was to not worry about being judged-the wedding is about the 2 of you and not them.  
    Posted by Rachmarie23[/QUOTE]

    Ha! no worries :)
  • I do sometimes. He's catholic I'm non-denominational. He has some family members that are rather conservative, I don't. Should be interesting, though... :) lol
  • Oh my gosh, YES! I definitely worry about being judged!

    Although I have anxiety about something going wrong with my perfect vision, I do think my wedding is going to be beautiful. The venue is just so stunning and everything we're adding in addition to what they provide creates this incredibly romantic, gorgeous, fairy tale image in my head. What if something goes wrong though? I don't want people to judge me for anything - the food, programs, anything! As we speak, I'm working on the menus. I originally planned on putting them in the back of my Tolsby frame table numbers (double sided picture frames). However, I've been going back and forth with the idea of putting individual menus at each place setting instead because I don't want people to judge me for not having the individual ones. My dress, I worry it won't be pretty enough since it's so simple. The food. We looove the food. We were going back and forth between two of their many vegetable options. Ultimately, we opted for the asparagus over the mixed veggies. Why you ask? Because I don't want the plate to look sloppy like a Thanksgiving meal. I mean, really, who freaks out about these things?! THIS GIRL.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_anyone-worried-being-judged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:d7fa9ca7-ed6c-4e51-a26e-a05382ff59bePost:a8f6f5d4-c531-45fe-b06d-399c97f88e98">Re: Anyone worried about being judged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my gosh, YES! I definitely worry about being judged! Although I have anxiety about something going wrong with my perfect vision, I do think my wedding is going to be beautiful. The venue is just so stunning and everything we're adding in addition to what they provide creates this incredibly romantic, gorgeous, fairy tale image in my head. What if something goes wrong though? I don't want people to judge me for anything - the food, programs, anything! As we speak, I'm working on the menus. I originally planned on putting them in the back of my Tolsby frame table numbers (double sided picture frames). However, I've been going back and forth with the idea of putting individual menus at each place setting instead because I don't want people to judge me for not having the individual ones. My dress, I worry it won't be pretty enough since it's so simple. The food. We looove the food. We were going back and forth between two of their many vegetable options. <strong>Ultimately, we opted for the asparagus over the mixed veggies. Why you ask? Because I don't want the plate to look sloppy like a Thanksgiving meal. I mean, really, who freaks out about these things?! THIS GIRL.
    </strong>Posted by brittandjp[/QUOTE]

    Bahaha this cracks me up! But I'm not going to judge you for it because I too have perfection issues and although I don't worry about how the plate of food looks, I may obsess about a detail you wouldn't :) Plus people who don't understand my need for perfection drive me crazy. There will be a person at my wedding watching for those details i'm going crazy over. And if it were any other wedding that girl would be me looking for those details.

    Ha kinda like at my bridal shower one relative commented on my moms fb status about how we thought about every detail down to makin the labels on the water bottles be zebra (thanks zebra duct tape!) and just that one person acknowledging that detail made it all worth it!
  • Haha, FI's side has already been very vocal about their thoughts about our wedding and I REALLY don't care.  Screw 'em.  FI pointed out that they wouldn't have been happy with any of our wedding plans and we need to just be concerned with what WE wanted.  But, in general, I don't much care what other people think about me.  I like who I am, I love my fiance, and I love how our wedding is shaping up and so does he.
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    Janine & Cody | Georgetown, Grand Cayman | Feb. 28th, 2012

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    I believe in a lot of things. I believe in fresh tennis balls, the healing power of bunnies, and that the novels of Susan Sontag are something I'll never read. In fact, I don't even know who Susan Sontag is. What is she... like... a painter? I believe in Crystal Lite because I believe in ME. I believe in the movies of Val Kilmer, though these days it ain't so easy. I believe in Darren Sproles, the word "dabble", the first season of "Silk Stockings", and big, warm, moist, gooey chocolate chip cookies that melt in your mouth and all over your face.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_anyone-worried-being-judged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:d7fa9ca7-ed6c-4e51-a26e-a05382ff59bePost:f2999def-7329-4de4-b4c5-93f979651f68">Re: Anyone worried about being judged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Haha, FI's side has already been very vocal about their thoughts about our wedding and I REALLY don't care.  Screw 'em.  FI pointed out that they wouldn't have been happy with any of our wedding plans and we need to just be concerned with what WE wanted.  <strong>But, in general, I don't much care what other people think about me.  I like who I am,</strong> I love my fiance, and I love how our wedding is shaping up and so does he.
    Posted by JCWhitey[/QUOTE]

    I'm like that in general day to day life stuff. I've acquired that over the years. My wedding is just something I've really invested a lot of my heart and soul and dreams into and so it means so much more than just how I dress on a Tuesday or whether or not I put Christmas lights on my house or mow my lawn in a timely fashion ha
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_anyone-worried-being-judged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:d7fa9ca7-ed6c-4e51-a26e-a05382ff59bePost:5382e5bf-5487-4d66-872b-578f72e1214f">Re: Anyone worried about being judged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone worried about being judged? : I'm like that in general day to day life stuff. I've acquired that over the years. My wedding is just something I've really invested a lot of my heart and soul and dreams into and so it means so much more than just how I dress on a Tuesday or whether or not I put Christmas lights on my house or mow my lawn in a timely fashion ha
    Posted by w+c3[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This is true, but your wedding is also representative of you, your FI, and your personalities right?  If you are confident in yourself, be confident in your wedding!  It's going to be fabulous and screw what other people think!!!  As long as you like, you're happy, you have an awesome day, and you marry the love of your life that's what really matters!  Of course, we want guests to be happy and have a good time as well, but i'm sure you haven't overlooked their comfort!

    </div>
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    Janine & Cody | Georgetown, Grand Cayman | Feb. 28th, 2012

    Surprise BFP | Baby Due Late July/Early August 2013

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    I believe in a lot of things. I believe in fresh tennis balls, the healing power of bunnies, and that the novels of Susan Sontag are something I'll never read. In fact, I don't even know who Susan Sontag is. What is she... like... a painter? I believe in Crystal Lite because I believe in ME. I believe in the movies of Val Kilmer, though these days it ain't so easy. I believe in Darren Sproles, the word "dabble", the first season of "Silk Stockings", and big, warm, moist, gooey chocolate chip cookies that melt in your mouth and all over your face.

  • I worry about being judged as well. I have never been one to want all eyes on me, and to be the center of attention is going to make me really uneasy. I am worried that everyone will think that my dress looks terrible on me, my make-up isn't good enough  (I don't normally wear it anyway), and that I have no business wearing a sleeveless dress ( I hate my arms so I think everyone else will too).

    I don't think his Mom really likes me to start with, but oddly enough I am worried what she is going to think about it. I am worried that she will think us "southerners" (his familt is all from PA) don't know how to throw a wedding properly and that is some redneck event (which is really won't be).

    I worry that my family will think it the cheapest wedding they have ever been to and just not good enough. Yeah we have done a lot to save money and its not going to be an over the top wedding but thats ok with me. And the more I think about all these things the more I want t just elope and be done with it all. I only really am doing the wedding thing for my parents I would have been fine just skipping it.

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  • I worry about what people are going to think of my dress.  I mean it's not super traditional but not exactly what I thought my dress would be like - I just don't want people to think OMG what is she wearing!?

    I also worry that people are going to think why did i fly all the way down here for this!?  I mean seriously the cereomony is going to be like 15 minutes.... and then dinner and that's really all i have planned... I worry that when i send out the invitations they are going to be like WTF is this!? - because they are soo different.  I'm just a worry wort though and I've come to realize that I am wayyy more critical of myself than anyone else is ... so I just need to forget about it and plan the day that I envision and if people don't like it then that is just to bad for them because I'm going to have an amazing day no matter what! ( sorry kind of needed to pep talk myself this morning! )

     

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  • I worry about being judged because FI's family isn't from around here, so they have never met my family or see what we are like together on a daily basis.  Some of my family are not the classiest people in the wolrd so I am a little worried about that.  I am not too worried about what people will think about the actual event.  We've been to several weddings and we know what we like and that is what matters.  We knew what was important to us to have and what no one noticed so why bother. 
  • I worry about being judged, too. My worries are more because this is my second wedding and I get the vibe from a lot of people that I shouldn't be having anything. The first time around I didn't get what I wanted and I'm going for it this time. I actually had one of my best friends tell me her family will not be attending to reception because we are having a DJ. Whatever. I guess the people that are truely happy for us and care will put thier opinions aside and be there. My brother's wife has even "questioned" me about things and her mom is on marriage #4! Out of anyone I thought she'd understand and she's a bridesmaid. My mom and my FI's family aren't giving me grief, so that's what I'm focusing on. And at least I have 1 of 2 Bridesmaids willing help and not question me! In the last week I've really started to worry about getting everything done in the 3 months we have left...yikes!
  • I'm already being judged but I try not to let it get to me.  My sister and I are the only ones in the family to have college degrees and good careers. We are constantly being judged for "showing off".  My wedding will be the same thing.  Yes it's over the top ( in their eyes) and much more than I needed but it's what I wanted and what FI and I could afford it.  People have already talked about us and how much we're spending (not that they know but you get the point). I realize that it's all about jealousy and sadly I don't care. I worked damn hard to get where I am today and I can show it off if I want to.
     
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  • edited December 2011

    Nope- my family will judge either way. I was the 'bad kid' who drank (still does, lol) and got lots of tattoos and got a house with FI before we were married. If it hasn't gotten to me then, it wont get to me now.

    Besides, I bet they wont have the balls to say it to my face ;)

    FI's fam is catholic and so are my aunts and uncles. I'm not. Am I worried? Nah. To be honest, I think it would be more disrespectful to them and myself if I, for one day, abandoned my beliefs to accomodate them.

    Don't worry. Everyone has different opinions and tastes. I truly hate to sound cliche, but you gotta focus on the joy of the occasion :)

    Can't please 'em all, so start with yourself!

  • Honestly, I'm not really worried about being judged. The only factor that I feel a little sensitive about is the amount of money we're spending. For a wedding, our budget is not extravagent at all (will be around $12 - 13K when it's all said and done) but no one in my family had a big wedding and I feel like they're giong to think we're wasting the money. 

    My only other concern is that people may get bored. That's not really a judging thing, though, just worried that they won't have a good time. We can afford a DJ but are working on some pretty extensive iPod playlists I'm hoping there will still be some dancing. I also have a few other thoughts but FI and I can't agree. 

    At the end of the day, it's our wedding. I think our friends and family will be happy for us no matter what so I'm just doing things however we want them.
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