my fiance hates my size

ReynaCD8687

He keeps complaining that WE are too big, but puts the emphasis on me that I need to lose weight and calls me names like "chubby-wubby" and more hurtful names, and pokes and prods at my fat. !

 I've ordered a size 18 wedding gown and feel so beautiful and elegant when I am in it.

 I'm 5'4" and about 165.

 When I met him I was over 200 lbs and I've been consistantly losing weight for the past year and a half while he has steadily gained.

Is it wrong of me to feel upset whenever he brings up the subject of weight loss?

prettyfacegal

You should feel upset and he needs a big dose of reality. Are you comfortable with yourself? That is the most important thing. He needs to take you for who you are....no return policy. Have you brought up the subject of his weight...I bet you that will get his attention then...just my thoughts.

keepsawaythenargles

UGH....You need to feel beautiful on your wedding day (well everyday for that matter) and you need to explain that to him. Maybe mention to him that you love HIM no matter what, and he should love you the same. *For better or worse, right?* 

CarolineandDean

Sounds like you need to dump his fat A$$. I'm sorry. I know thats not very helpful, but it really bothers me that someone you love and says he loves you back would say things like that when we already get so much pressure from the media and our culture to be skinny minnies. It is one thing to bring up you all losing weight together, but he should absolutely not be calling you names. I would have a serious heart to heart with him, and let him know that it is no longer acceptable. In the mean time, I have a very similar height/weight as you, and you are not fat! If you feel beautiful and elegant in your wedding dress, it's because you are!

n82ureluvr915

I would seriously reevaluate my relationship. Do you want to spend forever with someone who says mean things to hurt you? I wear a size 18 but I am 5'11" and about 200 pounds. My fiance (or anyone I'm close to for that matter) would NEVER say anything like that to me. If they did they are out the door! 

timsflower81

That is awful !!! Honestly - your fi should not HATE anything about you and the fact he's saying these mean things to you now - my goodness - what will happen if you have kids and gain some weight ?  Your fi should make you feel like you the most beautiful woman in the world....  he sounds like a bully and he's being passive agressive using the "we" thing.  

renjon7798

OP....I have to say I agree with the last few posts. I couldn't imagine having my FI saying those things about me. Your FI doesn't sound very supportive at all.

tiffielynn91

i couldnt believe having a man like that. my FI is super supportive even though i have gained 25 lbs in the last 2 years. you need to love yourself and just let him know you are happy with your body 

Kate61487

I have to wonder if this is MUD, because a man that calls you names and insults you should have an "ex" in front of that "fiance" title

ohemmag

You should feel upset-- he is basically telling you that you aren't good enough the way you are.  That's not how the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with should make you feel.

I'd have a serious, honest discussion with him about it.  I have found that 95% of the time, people who are being a-holes don't even realize it.  Tell him you're uneasy with someone who comments on your body negatively being the your husband.  If he can't stop saying hurtful things now when you've lost 35 pounds, what's going to happen if you gain it back, or get pregnant?  Your husband to be should love you now and always and should be your biggest cheerleader in all things difficult.

queenofcorny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_my-fiance-hates-my-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:c5025d1a-af80-41e8-93c6-52f78831ecefPost:eaf22524-b8f6-4158-b402-3838981accd0">my fiance hates my size</a>:
[QUOTE]He keeps complaining that WE are too big, but puts the emphasis on me that I need to lose weight and calls me names like "chubby-wubby" and more hurtful names, and pokes and prods at my fat. !  I've ordered a size 18 wedding gown and feel so beautiful and elegant when I am in it.  I'm 5'4" and about 165.  When I met him I was over 200 lbs and I've been consistantly losing weight for the past year and a half while he has steadily gained. Is it wrong of me to feel upset whenever he brings up the subject of weight loss?
Posted by ReynaCD8687[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>you still want to get married to him? Because he sounds unrespectful to you and I think anyone deserves some one that loves them for who they are... what do you say to him when he says that to ou? You take it and feel sprry or do you reply with some strength? Tell him to love you whole or not love you at all... he must have some parts he doesn't like about himself, maybe you can compare, that you don't use his weak spots to hurt him and that he can be greatful that you want to be with him, despite his rude behaviour... I would get so angry with him!!! good luck to you! And just enjoy the feeling of you in that dress...</div><div>
</div><div>I am 5.8 and about 253... and I am being loved by my fiance for every pound I have! </div>

QueerFemme

I would dump his assss right now.   Honestly.  Why would you want to be married to that for the rest of your life?

EastSideBlonde

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_my-fiance-hates-my-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:c5025d1a-af80-41e8-93c6-52f78831ecefPost:1db04747-5e9a-40c0-95c5-f009262aef10">Re: my fiance hates my size</a>:
[QUOTE]I would dump his assss right now.   Honestly.  Why would you want to be married to that for the rest of your life?
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

i was thinking the same thing, but did not have the heart to say it :)

I would have a sit down with him but be ready to walk away - it might be hard but he should love you all of you size 2, 22 or 32 +

good luck

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_my-fiance-hates-my-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:c5025d1a-af80-41e8-93c6-52f78831ecefPost:24c81bdd-95a2-4ee6-8ef3-2f6f42ba935f">Re: my fiance hates my size</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to wonder if this is MUD, because a man that calls you names and insults you should have an "ex" in front of that "fiance" title
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly this.</div>

achiduck

Wow, your FI sounds like a dickwad.

jmayinc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_my-fiance-hates-my-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:c5025d1a-af80-41e8-93c6-52f78831ecefPost:a2123ea6-4cf1-48be-8474-d571688d02d0">Re: my fiance hates my size</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds like you need to dump his fat A$$. I'm sorry. I know thats not very helpful, but it really bothers me that someone you love and says he loves you back would say things like that when we already get so much pressure from the media and our culture to be skinny minnies. It is one thing to bring up you all losing weight together, but he should absolutely not be calling you names. I would have a serious heart to heart with him, and let him know that it is no longer acceptable. In the mean time, I have a very similar height/weight as you, and you are not fat! If you feel beautiful and elegant in your wedding dress, it's because you are!
Posted by CarolineandDean[/QUOTE]

I agree with most of this. You need to have a talk with him. He may not think it's affecting you and it's all in good fun or that's his form of "encouragement". It also may make him feel better to know he's not alone. Heck if you've lost that much weight (congrats btw) maybe its his way of crying out for help with his own problem. I wouldn't assume he is doing it to hurt you or hates your size, it may be his way of coping with his OWN size.

brookerich

WOW!  I can't imagine my FI not liking my size.  He has always thought I was beautiful no matter what size I am. 

I've lost 120 lbs. over the past couple of years which brings a whole new round of body issues for me (batwing arms, sagging skin etc....) but I have always known the FI has thought I was the most beautiful girl on Earth.

Bottom line is I can't imagine even considering spending my life with someone who is shallow like that.  I mean obviously since you've been losing weight you were heavier when you guys met.  It just seems really cruel for him to say such hurtful things.  It seems like he should realize that. 

Have you talked to him?  Told him how much his comments and opinions hurt you?  I'd try talking to him but honestly I'd really be second guessing my decision to marry him.  Thats just me though, everyone's relationship is different, but honestly since you did post this it obviously has an effect on you.

I wish you good luck in whatever you decide.

kmmssg

I'm wondering if he is doing this because you are being successful in your endeavor to lose weight and he is, instead, gaining. I would never spend my life with someone like this. My sister's 2 time ex husband (have no idea why she remarried him) was always making comments about her weight and she was in the 130ish range. He is a jerk and so is your FI for doing this. Please do not accept a life like this. There are wonderful men out there - he just doesn't seem to be one of them. First time someone said "chubby wubby" to me they would be fish food real fast.

soon 2 be Mrs Johnson

Honestly you should walk away from this guy. Can you actually spend the rest of your life with someone that calls you names. If he's doing this before you are even married can you imagine how bad it will get once your married. And once you are pregnant and gain even more wait. Please don't waste your time with him.

Stacie and Dennis

jdalton314

tMy suggestion is to talk to him and tell him how you feel and that it needs to stop. My mother does the same thing to me, but in her mind she thinks it will help me. He might be trying to do the same thing. If it doesnt stop leave his ass. I went from 120 to 325 because of getting hurt in a serious car accident and my FI has never once said one negative thing about my weight or my body. He's been nothing but supportative and thats how it should be.

cshuler

First and foremost, congrats on your weight loss. I hope you are happy with it and are doing it for you and not anyone else. Secondly, it sounds as though your FI is actually jealous of your weight loss. As stated above, no one who trully loves you would belittle you about anything. My FI loves my curves, we have been dating for four years and he has yet to call me a name or say anything hurtful to me about anything. We are each others biggest fans. Re-evaluate your relationshp b/c  your future husband should love you regardless. If he is like this now, it may get worst after saying,  "I do.". 

entropicbeauty

No offense OP but this sounds like mental abuse. I would hate to think that it smarts with "small" things like comments about your weight and could escalate to other abuse.

I would definitely take some of the PP's recommendations of talking with him. If he is not receptive to the discussion and is anything less than respectful of how those comments hurt you, you can either seek counselling or dump him. I would never advise staying with someone who doesn't respect you.

bespalk

I hate popping in to a topic like this as one of my first comments, but seriously, what everyone else above said. Your FI should be picking you up when you're down, not pushing you over. It really is sort of toeing towards the abuse line =/

Amsdragonfly

I agree with  bespalk. That's toeing toward psychological abuse. And you're planning on marrying this guy. Seriously ask yourself, am I willint to put up with this for the rest of my life? Because If he's already like this now before you're married, I can't imagine that he'll get any better after. I hope you end up happy in the end, that's all.

kaceymarie

um well he's a jerk. you need someone to tell you how beautiful you are no matter what size you are..

flounder511

You my dear need to have a long talk and re-evaluate things. I'm 5'9" and about 250lbs and I am extremely self conscious at times. If my FI EVER EVER said those things to me, he'd be out the door. Thankfully thats not the case. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life getting nit picked? You deserve a man that loves ALL of you, no matter the number on the scale or your jeans. You are beautful just the way you are and if he cannot see that, you shouldn't be seeing him.

Ps-SUPER JOB on your weight loss. More power to ya chickie!!!

<3Laura

Blambert01022010

Uhm hello, what happen to he loves you for who you are? not how big you are? I don't think I would be so quick to keep planning a wedding. I sure the heck wouldn't want to be marrying someone who puts me down! I do that enough to myself and my FI gets furious! I say you have accomplished a lot since you met him! Now time for him to get going on his end! I agree with PP though! Put your foot down!

aoideeos

My FI was actually the one who helped me love my size and accept my own body. I had a previous boyfriend that would do similar things as your FI and i never dreamed of marrying him (for more than just those comments tho). I wouldnt want to live or spend the rest of my life with anyone who doesnt accept me for who i am right now. Im only 19. Im 5 7 and 270lbs. I had depression and still have migraines. I had been unemployeed for 6 months. Thats a lot to take. Thats taking me at my worst. And you know the saying "if you cant take me at my worst you dont deserve me at my best" 

His love shouldnt be a dress size. 

He should be saying how beautiful you are no matter what because he should be looking past your size. He should be wanting to make you happy above everything else. And if you are happy with your size then he should be too.

randyjomac

Hes a P>O>S!!! Thats NOT ok! All these women here are tell you exactly what any normal woman would tell you. Think twice...my fiance loves me for me even when i dont like the way i look but if he called me names like that, thats all it would take for me!!