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Maine

Bridal Party- sisters included?

So I've been putting a lot of thought into my bridal party.  My definites are my best friend from college as MOH, and 2 other college friends.  Then I'm not sure.  So what I'm going between is asking a good high school/childhood friend OR asking my fiancee's sisters.  Now he has 3 sisters...and it would be an all or none deal as I know the other(s) would be insulted if they weren't included.  However, I feel that they may be insulted even if I don't include all of them...my fiancee and I have been together for 7 years and they've taken me in as family since pretty much the beginning.  I would say I'm close to them all on different levels.  One of them is married and has a child, we will be having him as our ring bearer...Doug is also his godfather so its great.  Now my reservation is that asking all 3 makes for a huge bridal party!! Granted we will probably end up having a huge wedding as well (despite my best efforts of keeping the guest list down...we both have big families).  I've been thinking of ways to keep them all involved in the wedding without having them in the bridal party...I could have 2 read a the ceremony and the other be the MC at the reception, but I feel like it's not the same.  In talking with them about the wedding it doesn't really seem like they're expecting to be a part of the bridal party because they've asked so who are you going to ask and then have listed my friends.  I know money is tight for all 3 so on that note I don't think any of them will mind not having to pay for the expenses.  But I don't want to be assuming that either.  What do you girls think? How big is your bridal part?  I mean if he had one sister or even just 2 I'd be all about including them...he's also planning on asking my brother to be one of his groomsmen, so that just further makes me feel obligated.  I appreciate any and all advice!!

Re: Bridal Party- sisters included?

  • edited December 2011
    you could include the sisters in the ceremony instead of having them in your bridal party. they could each do a reading or something. My bridal party is only 4 girls and 3 guys but I have seen some girls with very large bridal parties. go with what makes you comfortable and happy
  • edited December 2011
    I'd have them each do a reading.  The bigger your wedding party, the more it will cost you.  More people means more flowers, more gifts, more to coordinate when buying and paying for dresses, more alterations, more shoes and accessories, more of everything.  We had 3 girls and 4 guys and no flower girl or ring bearer.  We would have gone even smaller, if we didn't think people's feelings would be hurt - and some people were apparently hurt anyway...  If they're in a tough place financially, having to buy a dress they'll never wear again isn't going to help, and even though they don't have to, they'll feel the pressure to help pay for/host showers and bachelorette parties...  I honestly felt that the people we had as readers contributed a more special part to our wedding than the 7 other people who just stood there in fancy clothes...
  • JaimeMarieBJaimeMarieB member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had six girls in my bridal party.  I asked my husband's sister to be in the bridal party but she declined and did a reading instead.  I had one other girl I has asked to be in the bridal party and she also, declined and did a reading instead.  You could ask them if they would like to do a reading or be a bridesmaid.
  • edited December 2011
    I'd also ask them to do readings.  It sounds like you've been setting up the expectation that they won't be in the bridal party and if money is tight for them, they'll probably appreciate being a part of things but not having to pay all the requisite bridesmaid expenses.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the previous posts. I had my husband's sister as a bridesmaid, but he only has the one. If you're having a huge wedding though, having a large bridal party is totally appropriate. If you want to ask them to be bridesmaids, but keep the cost to them reasonable you could have each bridesmaid wear a black dress of their choice, insist on a local, low key bachelorette, and a no-frills shower. The one thing I would NOT recommend is asking one of them to be MC. That is a really huge responsibility. I have a friend who was not happy after agreeing to dj the wedding of a close friend of his. He thought it would be no big deal, but between memorizing the order and pronunciation of all the names of the people in the bridal party, and having to basically be up by the laptop from which they were playing their music all night so that he could announce each new event at the reception and play the right songs for the special dances as well as make sure the songs they had pre-loaded into a playlist for the open dancing portion played properly, he never got to enjoy the night at all. I know many people who would rather just go to a wedding as a guest than have to play any part in it, and there are people who view being a bridesmaid as more of a burden than an honor. I would just ask them how much they want to be involved in the wedding. I don't see anything wrong with coming right out and saying that you would be honored to have them stand beside you as bridesmaids but that you recognize how stressful and financially draining it can be to be a bridesmaid so you would not be hurt in anyway if they would rather do something else for the wedding, or just be a guest.
  • krisdoug13krisdoug13 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok, thanks!! I guess I never thought of giving them the option of being a bridesmaid OR being involved in some other way!  It definitely makes sense though and I think I'll consider doing it that way! Thanks again!

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