On the fence about an invite

volleygurl0306

Late March I took up a regular babysitting job to get some spare cash to help us out financially.  I pick up a 3 year old girl from school 1-3 times per week and watch her a few weekends a month (any where from 4-12 hours over the course of the weekend).  So I've quickly become close with this family.  The mom and dad always ask how FI's job hunt is going and wedding planning etc.  I was starting to think it would be nice to invite them, but our wedding is in another state, they have a 3 year old and we aren't inviting kids, AND she is due for her second child in July so they will have an infant by the time of the wedding.  So I can say with 105% certainty they wouldn't come.  So an invitation would just be a nice thing to do but I don't want them to feel like they should get us a gift.  And, God forbid they assume the worst, since they know I would know they can't come, I don't want to look like I'm inviting just for a gift.  Is there a way to handle this so they feel like I wanted them there but don't want them to get me a gift.  Also, I am having a bridal shower in town so if I invited them to the wedidng mom and daughter could be included in this (again not for the gift but because they are in my life).  Or should I just not worry about it since they are relatively "new" in my life?

BMcLeodTeam

I have learned the importance of not assuming you know someone's situation regarding whether they can go or not. I sent a STD to a couple that I was positive wasn't coming... fast forward they were the first people to book at the resort under our wedding discount!

QueerFemme

I would say send the invitation. If they can't come, they will decline.  By the time you send out your invites, you will have been working with them and their child for 4-5 months... and a few times a week.  that's a signficant amount of time to spend with folks. 

I would go ahead and invite them, especially since they seem to have shown an interest in the wedding.  I don't think it appears gift grabby.

volleygurl0306

Ok thanks.  It wouldn't be a problem if they did miraculously come but I was more concerned with appearing like I wanted a gift.  I know some people only send gifts to weddings they don't go to if the person is super close.  And we are registered for some low-budget items so they can alway elect not to come and not give a gift (or just give a small one) and I won't be offended. 

MrsBassPlaya

I'll say this.  If they're a significant part of your life and you want them there, invite them.  I have never ever felt like someone invited me to a wedding just for a gift, even when they knew I probably couldn't go.  I wouldn't worry about them getting that impression.  I think they'll feel honored that you want them there, regardless of whether they can go or not, and they'll make the decision that's best for their situation.

BMcLeodTeam

I agree, I got invited to a wedding for a friend overseas recently. I know that I can't go, but if I could I SO would, and never once thought she was just trying to get a gift.

volleygurl0306

Thanks ladies!  You made me feel better about inviting them.  Second part to the question is I'd like to invite the mom to my bridal shower...is it okay to invite the 3 year old?  I spend the most time with her haha and since it is in town and casual (unlike our wedding) I figured she could be included.  It would also make it easier because the dad works Saturdays so she'd almost need to bring the 3 year old or not come.  The shower is 3 days before her due date so she may not even be up for it (or may need a distraction from how ready she is to pop) but I love their daughter and would love to have them there.  It'll just be at my mom's house so not like she has to sit still at a restaurant or something.

bridalmomma

I would also send the invitation to the wedding... let them decide if it fits their budget/schedule. As far as the shower... I would also invite BOTH mom & daughter to it. I think the llittle girl would LOVE it!!!

CowgirlK39

If you have the resources to have all three come, then that's no problem. I would also be prepared in case they accept, and at the last minute back out. With a newborn, you never know how the mom might be feeling or how dead tired they may be from handling two small children. I would keep that in mind.

Personally, I wouldn't bother, but thats mostly because I don't have enough budget space to accomodate someone that "new" to my life. Like I said before, if that's not an issue, then go for it!