Wedding Invitations & Paper

can i un-invite +1s?? your advice is needed... PLEASE!

My FI and I sent out STDs for our October 2010 wedding back in January. We addressed the STDs to all our single friends as "So-And-So and Guest".

Since then, we've experienced some financial setbacks and can no longer afford to invite as many people as we wanted. Can I just send an invitation to our friends, addressed to just "So-And-So" (and leave off the "and Guest" part, hoping they forgot that the STD was addressed to them and a guest)?

I'm hoping that this isn't bad etiquette! We still plan on inviting everyone we sent a STD to, including any significant others (FIs, boyfriends, girlfriends).

Thank you for your advice!
mel g ... soon to be c! Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: can i un-invite +1s?? your advice is needed... PLEASE!

  • just because you invite everyone doesn't mean they will come. i would cut costs other ways. i'm sure people have probably asked a "guest" to come and you don't want things to get weird or complicated. since you already sent STD it's kind of too late in the game to cut guest lists. but, i promise, cost can be cut in many other ways.
  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Once you sent STD's, you set your list.  If you added +1 on the STD, the addressee could have made arrangements to bring someone.  
    You will need to find other ways to cut costs.  Cut the favors, chair covers, and toss item.  You don't need those things.  Cut back on the flowers.  Use only beer and wine at the bar and see if you can bring it yourself. 

    Other than that, you can't take back an invited plus one.
  • Once the save the date goes out you are locked into inviting them, it's considered rude by many not to.  This is why it  is often advised that you don't put +1 on the STD.   The other thing is if you address the invites just to your friend they will remember the +1 on the STD and based on that RSVP for +1.  What are you going to do then?  Call them up and say "we changed our mind".  The first thing i would cut out is the favors if you haven't already purchased them.  Can you scale back your food package at all? If you are having a full bar switch to wine and beer or no bar at all.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • What happens if these +1s have taken time off work, booked flights, paid for hotel?  That's why an STD must always be followed by an invitation; you can't tell someone to clear their schedule for your wedding and then not invite them.  Find other ways to cut back.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I'm going to echo PPs.  Unless you drastically cut back the wedding - like make it under 20 people, I'm also going to say that you can't uninvite the plus ones.

    If these were just random dates though, my guess is that you may be a bit lucky that not all singles will bring random dates.  We invited all singles with a guest but hardly any took us up on the offer. 
  • You're hoping that this isn't bad etiquette? I think you know that it is bad etiquette.

    Your guests were already officially informed that they will be invited and that they can bring a guest. You would be univiting people. People could have made arrangements and purchased new clothes to come to your wedding.

    I can't imagine that this amounts to that many people. Find a way to pay for these +1s.
  • melg26melg26 member
    First Comment
    that's what i figured. thanks everyone for your advice and for the suggestions! we've cut back as much as we can on most things, some we already have deposits on and it would be a waste to throw away a $300 deposit. i'm sure my FI will figure out some way to make it work. heck, maybe we'll get lucky and win the lottery! =)
    mel g ... soon to be c! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ditto pp, please don't uninvite your plus-ones. We invited everyone over 18 with a plus one and we were surprised by how few singles brought a guest. It might not be as bad as you think.
  • I don't think you get to go back and ignore the +1 that you put on the STDs...but I do think that these are your friends and family members or they wouldn't be on your invite list, so maybe talk to some of the guests and just be real with them.  We all don't have to pretend money grows on trees, our friends and family know they don't have a money tree either!  I would be honest and I think your friends and family will respect that!~
  • I agree with the others, don't uninvite the plus ones.
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