wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner

audreymchan

We are having a formal wedding that WE are paying for. 

I have the guest list, and have a second guest list for those who didn't get a save the date. 

Approximately 120 people for the wedding and I want to feed them.

There is approximately 30-40 people who I want to have come celebrate but just cant afford to feed them. 

Been all over other forums and it seems that this is normal to have the "others" come dance with us after were done with the food part. 

I would like to talk to the venue about having something for the "other" guests to take part in, like a desert bar, etc.  Of course the others can take part of the bar, dancing and photo booth. 

Would like ideas on wording a SEPARATE invitation for the "others".  The ones I have seen are for couples that have eloped, etc. 

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:6699d43d-fd3d-4e62-b290-27a5c9b58f99">wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a formal wedding that WE are paying for.  I have the guest list, and have a second guest list for those who didn't get a save the date.  Approximately 120 people for the wedding and I want to feed them. There is approximately 30-40 people who I want to have come celebrate but just cant afford to feed them.  <strong>Been all over other forums and it seems that this is normal to have the "others" come dance with us after were done with the food part.</strong>  I would like to talk to the venue about having something for the "other" guests to take part in, like a desert bar, etc.  Of course the others can take part of the bar, dancing and photo booth.  Would like ideas on wording a SEPARATE invitation for the "others".  The ones I have seen are for couples that have eloped, etc. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

Absolutely terrible. Rude, rude, rude.

BTW, you aren't special by paying for your own wedding. You invite only those individuals you can afford to host PROPERLY. Bottom line. No exceptions.

NYCMercedes

Just no. No.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:6699d43d-fd3d-4e62-b290-27a5c9b58f99">wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a formal wedding that WE are paying for.  I have the guest list, and have a second guest list for those who didn't get a save the date.  Approximately 120 people for the wedding and I want to feed them. There is approximately 30-40 people who I want to have come celebrate but just cant afford to feed them. <strong> Been all over other forums and it seems that this is normal to have the "others" come dance with us after were done with the food part. </strong> I would like to talk to the venue about having something for the "other" guests to take part in, like a desert bar, etc.  Of course the others can take part of the bar, dancing and photo booth.  Would like ideas on wording a SEPARATE invitation for the "others".  The ones I have seen are for couples that have eloped, etc. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

<div>No, no, no. If you've been all over the forums on this topic (at least HERE), you should also know that it is horribly rude.  How would you like to be told you were welcome to come celebrate someone's wedding but not special enough to actually get to see what you came to celebrate OR special enough for the hosts to want to pay to feed you?</div>

audreymchan

Thanks ladies for your responces.  I understand how you feel.  I also know that each couple can do WHATEVER they want at THEIR wedding. 

The question was how to word a seperate invite. 
NOT
Is this rude or not.

I get that you feel its rude.  I have spoken to event planners and they said it was acceptable and they had past clients do this. 

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:dc7baaa4-4ac8-40de-86ab-01cdd0c72a67">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies for your responces.  I understand how you feel.  I also know that each couple can do WHATEVER they want at THEIR wedding.  The question was how to word a seperate invite .  NOT Is this rude or not. I get that you feel its rude.  I have spoken to event planners and they said it was acceptable and they had past clients do this. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

We don't <em>feel</em> that it's rude. It is rude.

Event planners will tell you whatever you want to hear, because you're paying them.

Guests talk, and it is so incredibly rude to "tier" your guest list. It implies that some guests are more important than others.

This scenario has been used in the past to try to get brides like you to see the point:

Guest A: "Wow, Audrey and FI looked so in love during the ceremony!"
Guest B: "What? There was a ceremony?"
Guest A: "Oh, you didn't go? Well the beef wellington at dinner was the best I've ever had!"
Guest B: "What? There was a dinner?"

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:6699d43d-fd3d-4e62-b290-27a5c9b58f99">wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a formal wedding that WE are paying for.  I have the guest list, and have a second guest list for those who didn't get a save the date.  Approximately 120 people for the wedding and I want to feed them. There is approximately 30-40 people who I want to have come celebrate but just cant afford to feed them.  <strong>Been all over other forums and it seems that this is normal to have the "others" come dance with us after were done with the food part. </strong> I would like to talk to the venue about having something for the "other" guests to take part in, like a desert bar, etc.  Of course the others can take part of the bar, dancing and photo booth.  Would like ideas on wording a SEPARATE invitation for the "others".  The ones I have seen are for couples that have eloped, etc. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]


What other forums said this?!?!?!?!?!?

A tiered recpetion is one of the rudest things that you can do.  So are A&B lists which it sounds like you are planning.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:dc7baaa4-4ac8-40de-86ab-01cdd0c72a67">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies for your responces.  I understand how you feel.  <strong>I also know that each couple can do WHATEVER they want at THEIR wedding</strong>.  The question was how to word a seperate invite .  NOT Is this rude or not. I get that you feel its rude.  I have spoken to event planners and they said it was acceptable and they had past clients do this. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

No, they don't.  As soon as they invite anyone, it ceases to be about them and becomes about their guests.

Event planners are not going to be honest with you about etiquette.  They are going to blow so much smoke up your a$$ that you won't be able to see your hand in front of your face.  This is how vendors operate.  They will say anything to make you feel like you are the center of the universe and as long as it isn't going to hurt their bottom line (and esp. if it helps it) they are all for it.  They don't give a flippin care about how offensive you are planning to be to your guests.  After the wedding, they are out of your life and don't have to deal with the repercussions.

GoodLuckBear14

And nobody on TK is going to help you be rude to your guests.  If you want that kind of help, then you need to move to wedding bee or wedding wire.  They also don't give a damn about etiquette.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:dc7baaa4-4ac8-40de-86ab-01cdd0c72a67">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies for your responces.  I understand how you feel.<strong>  I also know that each couple can do WHATEVER they want at THEIR wedding. </strong> The question was how to word a seperate invite .  NOT Is this rude or not. I get that you feel its rude.  I have spoken to event planners and they said it was acceptable and they had past clients do this. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

<div>They sure can!  Everyone has the right to make a fool of him or herself. My apologies for trying to stop you from embarrassing yourself in front of your friends and family.  Best of luck in your planning!</div>

MoxieMickie

After the vows are spoken
And the more important guests are fed
Come dance with the newlyweds

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:f65b2e38-ecbb-44d7-91b2-0f163d6fd784">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]After the vows are spoken And the more important guests are fed Come dance with the newlyweds
Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]

Oh. My. Gawd.

I'm not going to take this post seriously...because...it. just. cant. be.

At least I'll have something to laugh at over drinks tonight!

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:f65b2e38-ecbb-44d7-91b2-0f163d6fd784">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]After the vows are spoken And the more important guests are fed Come dance with the newlyweds
Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]

This is perfect. Should she put her registry info on the invitation as well? Oh, and the dress code and no kids?

banana468

PPs are correct.   There is no nice way to do this.

Professionals may have seen others do this but past practice is hardly a license that the behavior is correct.

Instead, host those that you can properly for the entire event.

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:dc7baaa4-4ac8-40de-86ab-01cdd0c72a67">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies for your responces.  I understand how you feel.  I also know that each couple can do WHATEVER they want at THEIR wedding.  The question was how to word a seperate invite .  NOT Is this rude or not. I get that you feel its rude.  I have spoken to event planners and they said it was acceptable and they had past clients do this. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

<div>You sure can do whatever you want! I hope that fact is comforting to you when your guests are all talking behind your back about how incredibly rude you are.  </div><div>
</div><div>Whatever you do say on this invitation, this is what your guests will see:</div><div>
</div><div style="text-align:left;">We care about you enough to get a gift from you but not enough to pay for your dinner!</div><div style="text-align:left;">Please join us, and all of the other people that we care about more than you, for drinks and dancing.  Please don't show up early, as all of our first class guests will be eating.  </div><div>
</div>

vsgal

Invite them to all or nothing.

How would you feel if you got a call from a "friend" for game night at her house.  You show up at the time that she told you to come over and see dinner dishes in the kitchen and the smell of food is still in the air.  You ask the hostess if you were late and she says "No.  I wanted you to come for Monopoly, but I did not want to feed you with my other guests."

How would you feel?  Seriously?? How would you feel? 

Of course wedding planners tell you this is fine.  They just want your money.  They don't give two craps about you and certainly don't care about what happens to you after the wedding.  Burn some bridges?  She won't be there.  Offend people?  She doesn't care.  Wreck friendships?  She won't return your phone calls.  Don't pay her?  She will hound you until you pay. Do you see where her priorities are?

pokey730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:6699d43d-fd3d-4e62-b290-27a5c9b58f99">wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a formal wedding that WE are paying for.  I have the guest list, and have a second guest list for those who didn't get a save the date.  Approximately 120 people for the wedding and I want to feed them. There is approximately 30-40 people who I want to have come celebrate but just cant afford to feed them.  Been all over other forums and it seems that this is normal to have the "others" come dance with us after were done with the food part.  I would like to talk to the venue about having something for the "other" guests to take part in, like a desert bar, etc.  Of course the others can take part of the bar, dancing and photo booth.  Would like ideas on wording a SEPARATE invitation for the "others".  The ones I have seen are for couples that have eloped, etc. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]


You have two options, have a less "formal" wedding, or accept the fact that you can't invite those 30-40 people. You can't have both. Well, you can, but not without looking like an a**.

Just because it's your day, doesn't give you the right to treat your friend's like second class citizens. They obviously aren't that important to you if you've essentially said your formal wedding is more important than feeding them. So why invite them? More gifts?

Just curious, are you inviting these "others" to the ceremony?

vsgal

You should cut back on something that guests generally don't care about. I noticed that you have a lot of orchids in your planning. Flowers and centerpieces can be scaled back or changed to free up some money to feed these 30-40 guests.

MoxieMickie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:f65b2e38-ecbb-44d7-91b2-0f163d6fd784">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]
<div align="center">After the vows are spoken
And the more important guests are fed
Come dance with the newlyweds
</div>Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]

<em>Gifts are simple, dear friend.</em>
<em>We prefer fifties and hundreds.

</em>(Yes, this is all sarcasm.)

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:6699d43d-fd3d-4e62-b290-27a5c9b58f99">wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a formal wedding that WE are paying for.  I have the guest list, and have a second guest list for those who didn't get a save the date.  Approximately 120 people for the wedding and I want to feed them. There is approximately 30-40 people who I want to have come celebrate but just cant afford to feed them.  Been all over other forums and it seems that this is normal to have the "others" come dance with us after were done with the food part.  I would like to talk to the venue about having something for the "other" guests to take part in, like a desert bar, etc.  Of course the others can take part of the bar, dancing and photo booth.  Would like ideas on wording a SEPARATE invitation for the "others".  The ones I have seen are for couples that have eloped, etc. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

You have read incorrectly. Having a "tiered" reception (one where some eat, some go to onl y church, or some come dance...etc) is rude and against etiquette.

All your guests should be treated equally

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:dc7baaa4-4ac8-40de-86ab-01cdd0c72a67">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies for your responces.  I understand how you feel.  I also know that each couple can do WHATEVER they want at THEIR wedding.  The question was how to word a seperate invite .  NOT Is this rude or not. I get that you feel its rude.  I have spoken to event planners and they said it was acceptable and they had past clients do this. 
Posted by audreymchan[/QUOTE]

It's not our opinion, it is fact. It IS rude and you risk offending your guests majorly....It is VERY gift grabby

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_wording-for-formal-invite-post-ceremony-and-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:028b0cec-4a68-4739-9d0c-3ae6a04ba4d0Post:f65b2e38-ecbb-44d7-91b2-0f163d6fd784">Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]After the vows are spoken And the more important guests are fed Come dance with the newlyweds
Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]

and Moxie, you forgot the part of "and don't forget to bring me a gift" LOL

MoxieMickie

In Response to Re:wording for :[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wording for "formal" invite, POST ceremony and dinner:After the vows are spoken And the more important guests are fed Comenbsp;dance with the newlywedsPosted by MoxieMickieand Moxie, you forgot the part of "and don't
forget to bring me a gift" LOL Posted
by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

A few others noticed that problem too, so I posted on the last page a lovely rhyme requesting cash. Who says we're all a bunch of unhelpful meanies?