addressing envelopes

RWolff

I feel like this has been answered before, but I can't find it, so please bear with me.

I'm starting to address my invites, and something feel weird about writing "Mr. and Mrs. Dad RWolff" for my parents, and for many other relatives. Is it awful to adress them as "Mom and Dad RWolff" instead? Not just for my parents, although that's the example that feels the strangest.

As I understand it, not using titles indicates a less formal wedding. Any other reason to stick with it? I actually write letters to friends and family fairly often and never use it. Although I realize a wedding is different, it feels very odd and somewhat antiquated, unless I'm missing a good reason for it.

meg2marryshane

You should address them to:
Mr. and Mrs. Robet Wolf

If you have inner envelopes, then you can do:
Mom and Dad

RWolff

As I said, I understand the traditional way of addressing wedding invitations. I'm asking the reasoning behind it. I am not having inner envelopes, and I find the "traditional" method of addressing to be awkward when I'm dealing with people I would never address in that way otherwise.

libby2483

I addressed all of my invitations, including close family members, formally.  It is just considered proper for formal correspondence like a wedding invitation.  Other than that it is proper etiquette, I'm not really sure that there is another reason behind it.  I mean, the post office will still deliver it addressed to Mom and Dad if that is what you're worried about.

RWolff

Oh, I don't want to write Mom and Dad. I have no problem addressing everything to people's given names. It's the Mr. Mrs. Ms. Dr. thing that I would prefer to leave off. Thanks everyone!

meg2marryshane

You shouldn't leave it off.  This is your wedding - it's special.

Kristin789

When you are sending a birthday card or a letter, you can use casual style with first and last name.

When you are sending a formal wedding invitation, you need to use the titles so that all the levels of the invitation match.  if you use a casual style without titles, it's like someone coming to your wedding in a halter top and daisy duke shorts and flip flops.  She might say that it doesn't matter what she wears, because she's not in the wedding party and so she sould be able to wear anything she wants.  But you know that you'd rather that your guests dress up a little to attend a formal event, so that everything matches.

RWolff

I understand what y'all are saying, but that's exactly it - these are the reasons I have always heard. BUT isn't etiquette supposed to be about making sure your guests are treated properly, and shouldn't it evolve reasonably with the times? I mean, we no longer see a woman as an extension of her husband, so why do we still use "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe?" To me, that is improper in today's society. I won't be happy leaving off the first names of the women in my life, and I think they wouldn't be too pleased, either.

Jager1219

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-enveloped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:14df2c33-4928-4c69-a365-036974c7ec1ePost:32c611ad-03b0-45b6-954a-05cfd7818856">Re: addressing envelopes</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand what y'all are saying, but that's exactly it - these are the reasons I have always heard. BUT isn't etiquette supposed to be about making sure your guests are treated properly, and shouldn't it evolve reasonably with the times? I mean, we no longer see a woman as an extension of her husband, so why do we still use "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe?" To me, that is improper in today's society. I won't be happy leaving off the first names of the women in my life, and I think they wouldn't be too pleased, either.
Posted by RWolff[/QUOTE]
Fully understand.  We had some guests who were offended by this format when we sent out our STD.  So for them, we changed the invitation to Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe.  FI finds titles strange as well, but that's also based on how he grew up.  I was taught that everyone was Mr. or Mrs. Last name and that's how I addressed everyone.  This was common etiquette where I grew up.  FI didn't grow up this way.  He aways addressed people by their first names (even at a young age).  So he doesn't get that it's weird to me to call my best friend's mom by her first name when all my life I've called her Mrs. Last Name.

You know your guests better than we do.  Etiquette exists so you don't PO anybody.  But if by following etiquette you will PO that person, then break the rules for them.

Jager1219

I understand your point that you don't understand how someone would be offended by using traditional etiquette (I'm with you 100%).  I'm just saying that I personally was put into a very awkward position when an extended member of FI's family was so offended by how I addressed the STD as  Mr. & Mrs. John Doe that she refused to come to our wedding.  So I've had to have the very awkward conversion of "this is how things are done".  So what I've now accomplished is seriously POing Fi's family by following traditional etiquette.  I've not only apparently offended this extended family member, but his parents, sister, aunts, uncles, & cousins had to hear about how rude I was to not include her frst name on the STD as well.  So to avoid further POing this person, we changed how the invitation was addressed to this couple.
I'd love to hear your suggestion as to how to have avoided this awkward conversation by still following trditional etiquette, but even in hindsight I don't know what I could have done differently.