HELP, never thought I'd have the guest list issue :-(

babybluerg

I was hoping to send out my STD’s Sunday, but my dad has procrastinated until the absolute LAST minute in getting me about 7 addresses I needed from households from his side of the family and the church who he said he wanted to invite back in October.

I felt that I had communicated clearly in October that the guest list was CLOSED to adding any further names. The venue holds 150 people and in October there were 167 on the list (This includes 33 children under the age of 13, 96 out of town guests, and plus ones who may not be in a long-term or domestic relationship) and I was comfortable with inviting 10% greater than capacity due to number of out of town guests and families with small children.

However, when my dad sent me additional addresses yesterday, he had 23 extra names he’s trying to add to the guest list. I called him to say that I need to know who he really wants to invite and who he doesn’t because I am NOT sending out invites to 193 people for a venue that holds 150 people. Even if 80% show up, that still exceeds capacity, and I’m not comfortable with that risk.He responds that he has calculated and researched carefully and he is sure that about 20 of the 40 people he’s invited will not come. I don’t feel comfortable sending out invites HOPING that at least 20% of the people won’t show and I don’t plan on doing that.

So, here is what I’m thinking, 1) I can advise my Dad that I’m NOT going to add the extra 23 additional names my dad sent me. If he didn’t think they were necessary in October, then they weren’t necessary. 2) Or, I’ll call him back and ask him to mark those 20 people he’s sure won’t show up and those 20 people won’t get invites 3) Or, I’ll just eliminate from my C-list across the board.What do you all think is the best way to handle this situation? 

One thing I am unable to do is provide child care for the 33 children, we don’t have many family of friends who live in this area who are not invited to the wedding or who could be responsible for that many children. I don’t want communicate that the event is adult only since I can’t provide child care for my out of town guests.

Thanks in advance for offering your opinions so that I can make a decision.

littleluckypenny

Do not add any more people to your list.  Tell you father he can either decide among all the guests you were waiting on and the extra 23 who he would like to be invited, or just stick with the original 7 addresses.  And give him a concrete time frame he needs to let you know, whether it's that same day or in two days.  If he gives no answer, invite the original 7 addresses.

If you want to cut children and plus 1's for truly single people, that's fine.  Just make sure not to list these people on the invitation.

ShakeUpTampa

Kids a flipping issue and I knew it would happen on my side. I invited a total of like 10 that are RELATED TO US...so far two cards have come back with (and child or and children) 1. It's a placecard dinner so they have no name they have no seat 2. They were not invited. I am waiting for a round of them to come in so I can make calls at the same time (They are all coming from the same big family group)

I never wanted to over invite but it happened (about 30 people over) and it can still work out just a tighter fit then I wanted. I just wish people were not such slackers at getting the DECLINES back lol

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_never-thought-id-guest-list-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1f42cff8-2409-40d1-8cce-3635e63976a1Post:d7df90f2-0ee6-455b-b349-3e8f590d5990">Re: HELP, never thought I'd have the guest list issue :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Who is paying? If it is your dad, I think you need to let him add a few more people if he really, really wants</strong>, but otherwise, if they weren't important enough to be on the first list, they are not must invites. Just don't invite the kids. Or only invite the kids you want. If people call and RSVP with uninvited guests, apologize for the misunderstanding and clear it up. People in relationships should be invited with their partners, but single people don't need plus ones. It is nice to offer plus ones to those who won't know lots of other people, but not required.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

Liastris, they are already over capacity.  At this point it doesn't matter who is paying, because if they over-invite even more, it's gonna be pretty embarrassing when there are no seats/fire-marshal comes.

OliveOilsMom

Please don't count on the 80% rule.  You must expect everyone who is invited, will attend.  There are ladies on here who will tell you they had 95% of their invitees attend.  Especially if you send out STDs, if people are made aware of your day, they will keep it in mind to attend. 

I would not invite the children.  Only address the invites to their parents.  If they respond with children added to the rsvp, just call up and say you are sorry, but little Johnny and Suzie are not invited.  If the parent tells you they cannot attend without the children, just say you will be missed.

But FG and RB should be invited to the reception.  Usually any children of your immediate family attend, this doesn't have to be the case either though.  It just gets to be too much when you add in cousin's kids and friend's kids.

aragx6

Only send your STDs to those who you KNOW will be invited -- i.e. close family -- and then use the next couple of months to hammer out the final guest list. There's no reason everyone needs a save-the-date and in some cases it obviously causes more problems than it solves.

Juris11

I'm going to echo those who say don't count on 80%. Ours was more like 93% yes. Also, I gave in to my MIL who said, oh they won't show up. Most of them did. Luckily we had budgeted for them despite her saying we didn't need to. I would not add to your guestlist.

babybluerg

Thanks everyone for replying.

What I decided to do was address the STD"s only to the people who I knew would probably come, and who I actually WANT to come.

The rule is actually 70%, but I think people like me more than that ;-P But I am getting married in the city where I live, but have absolutely NO family, so while we're unlikely to have a 95% show rate, I definitely would rather have the guest list cut so there are no issues!
Thanks all!