Antiquated Etiquette--am I committing a major faux pas?

racheladine

Hi ladies! I'm hoping that you can help me out with this:

I feel that the tradition of addressing couples as "Mr. & Mrs. John Doe" a bit antiquated and frankly, a little sexist.  Wasn't that rule made when women were still considered their husband's property?  Would it be considered faux pas to address them as "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Doe" instead?  I could understand if my grandparents would prefer the formal way and I would respect that, but I have many female relatives who would be annoyed (if not insulted) if I didn't identify them as their own person.

I recognize that it wouldn't be "proper etiquette" (whatever *rolls eyes*), but is it okay to be a bit lax with the addresses, and save the formalities for my older family members?  As in I'm not committing some nearlywed sin, am I?  Please help!

AmoroAgain

Um, actually, it is okay to address them as you are planning and not a faux pas. 

Maybe you should do some research before you go all ranty about antiquated ettiquette.

racheladine

I have researched the issue, but I couldn't find anything that said whether or not this was okay. I could only find that formal invitations should be addressed a certain way. And to assume that I hadn't done my research or that I was being "ranty" was rather rude. I came here for help, not to get snapped at. But thank you for the first half of your response. 

cellarius

lol i wouldn't say ranty exactly..but i get what she means. no it's not a faux pas. it's actually really common & i don't think anyone would notice or care.

cjohnsen2010

I prefer the "old" way, but if you're going to change it up, I think Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe looks better.

mlharbis

If you see a problem you can have the outer envelope the traditional way and the inner envelope say Jane and Joe Smith.

racheladine

Thanks dolls! That was a BIG help!

RNM 2008

I know I'm a little late, but I believe (from previous research) that if you did put Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe -- that technically means 3 people. Like, John Doe and his wife, and then some random Jane Doe that lives with them or something.
Make sense?  Most people would probably not think such a thing nor would they care, so you're probably fine.