Editing needed, please

squirrly

This is for the back side of our accomodations card.  Please edit.

For guests arriving early, central Kentucky has lots to offer.  A lengthy list of activities is available on our website, and we would be happy to help you plan the perfect Kentucky vacation. 

 

Saturday, May 1:  The Kentucky Derby

Clubhouse tickets can be quite exnensive and difficult to obtain, but some are available.  Many different websites resell Derby tickets, but a popular one is http://www.derbybox.com  Infield tickets are always available at the gate for $50.  Please note that the infield is typically very casual, crowded, and rowdy, but a great party!

 

Thursday, May 6:  Racing at Churchill Downs

If you’re in town, please join us at Churchill Downs and experience Kentucky’s horse industry first hand.  The Derby crowds will be gone, but mint juleps are always available.

 

Thursday night, May 6: 

Cookout at Beth’s parents house

 

Friday, May 7: 

Thoroughbred Farm and Bourbon Distillery Tours

 

Please help us plan for these events by letting us know what you would like to join in.

 

 

danieliza1127

Cookout at Beth’s parents house

should be Beth's parent's house

If you aren't paying for the Churchill Downs stuff and the Thoroughbred Farm and Bourbon Distillery Tours, I would indicate the cost associated with that so guests know that they're paying their own way.

squirrly

Thanks, Dani.  We're planning to pay for the tickets to go to the races and provide transportation.  The guests will need to pay for food and any betting they do.  Reasonable?  How do I word that?

The tours are free, you just tip the guide, and we'll pay that too. 

Disclaimer - none of these things are very expensive, and odds are it's 30 people or less who will participate.  NOT a budget buster, and these folks have traveled a long way for us (or, will have), so I'm ok with $300 or so for all this.

RNM 2008

Actually, I think it should be Beth's parents' house. (Assuming 2 parents live in the house?)

Also in the Kentucky Derby section, expensive is spelled wrong.

For the wording of Churchill Downs, could you say something like "admission will be provided, but you're on your own for mint juleps" or something like that?  Perhaps too informal for your liking.

How fun that all of these great events will be incorporated into your special weekend!

squirrly

If you’re in town, please join us at Churchill Downs and experience Kentucky’s horse industry first hand.  The Derby crowds will be gone, but mint juleps are always available.  Complimentary admission and transportation from the (hotel) will be provided.

How does that sound?  I hate to highlight what we're not providing.

R&M, thanks!  The text is sideways on my screen in the invite program and I've printed it so many times for layout adjustments that my eyes glaze over by now. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Your name is Beth? I wouldn't have guessed!

Yeah, parents' is my only correction. For someone who studied journalism, I really suck at copywriting!

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_editing-needed-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:388246e3-2a73-4832-8482-0250b01e9ffbPost:0b68b0e7-f868-4a1a-ba2e-bd15011a80c8">Re: Editing needed, please</a>:
[QUOTE]Your name is Beth? I wouldn't have guessed! Yeah, parents' is my only correction. For someone who studied journalism, I really suck at copywriting!
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Ha!  What would you have guessed? 

And, I too studied journalism/PR.  And Computer Science.  Which doesn't seem to go together at all. . .

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Ah, yes, but you went to computer route - I also went a different direction (in grad school for my minor - history).

I don't know. Maybe Jessica or Becky or Christy. Not that Beth isn't nice! Elizabeth is on my girls' names list, actually.

cjohnsen2010

 

Saturday, May 1:  The Kentucky Derby

Clubhouse tickets can be quite EXPENSIVE..,

 

 

Thursday night, May 6: 

Cookout at Beth’s PARENTS' house

 

Friday, May 7: 

 

Please help us plan for these events by letting us know in which activities you're interested.

 

squirrly

Ok, we decided to flip the days, because FI really wants a big group at the racetrack.  So. . . I've updated with the edits noted, and now have this:

For guests arriving early, central Kentucky has lots to offer.  A lengthy list of activities is available on our website, and we would be happy to help you plan the perfect Kentucky vacation. 

Saturday, May 1:  The Kentucky Derby
Clubhouse tickets are quite expensive and difficult to obtain, but may be available online.  A popular reseller website is www.derbybox.com. Infield tickets are always available at the gate for $50.  Please note that the infield is typically very casual, crowded, and rowdy, but a great party!

Thursday, May 6:  
Thoroughbred Farm and Bourbon Distillery Tours.  If you are interested in other activities, please let us know.

Friday, May 7: Racing at Churchill Downs
Please join us at Churchill Downs and experience Kentucky’s horse industry first hand.  The Derby crowds will be gone, but mint juleps are always available.  Complimentary admission and transportation from the Hilton Garden Inn will be provided.

Friday night, May 6: 
Cookout at Beth’s parents’ house

Please help us plan for these events by letting us know which activities interest you on the back of the response card.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Friday night, May 7 (you have it as 6, still)


And then you can add:

Sunday, May 9:
msmerymac's birthday

squirrly

Good spot!  I posted pics (before fixing that typo) in my bio, if you're bored.

emilyinchile

Saturday, May 1:  The Kentucky Derby
Clubhouse tickets are quite expensive and difficult to obtain but may be available online.  (no comma between obtain and but)
Please note that the infield is typically very casual, crowded, and rowdy but a great party! (no comma between rowdy and but)

Friday, May 7: Racing at Churchill Downs
Please join us at Churchill Downs to experience Kentucky’s horse industry first hand. (I just think "to experience" sounds more natural, but "and experience" isn't wrong)

Sorry, I'm kind of a comma nazi. This all sounds really fun, I'm sure your guests will love it!

cjohnsen2010

I vote to leave the commas in and I like to experience.  Crazy me.

squirrly

Personally, I will think any of our guests who go to the derby infield are nuts, but whatever makes them happy.  FI wants to go, and I think he's nuts.  Then again, he ran with the bulls in Pamplona in 2008. 

The rest of the stuff should be lots of fun.

Thanks!

pirategal03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_editing-needed-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:388246e3-2a73-4832-8482-0250b01e9ffbPost:4380bb1b-1785-4c93-a602-e4c6c8cb4b73">Re: Editing needed, please</a>:
[QUOTE]May 6:   Thoroughbred Farm and Bourbon Distillery Tours.  If you are interested in other activities, please let us know. Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I think the second sentence here about other activities reads awkwardly, as it's in the middle of the list of activities.  Maybe move it to the end of the list?  Or omit it.  It's the only part that made me do a double-take.  I like the rest a lot.

Sounds like a fun time!!

squirrly

I meant if they wanted to do something that day besides those activities.  We have a lot of other things mentioned on the website that we can help coordinate, but not necessarily fund, like golf or horseback riding.