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Just need to vent...

I kinda knew this was coming, but I was just told that I more than likely not be covered by short term disability for my maternity leave.  I am kicking myself for not enrolling in STD last year, I don't know why I didn't.  I thought I was, until the HR lady told me I wasn't.  But she said if I signed up during open enrollment I should be able to use it for Feb.  I checked with our controller just to make sure she was right and she looked into and it looks like the HR lady is wrong and while the STD people won't come out and say I won't be covered, one of the first questions on the form is "Are you currently pregnant?"  So of course, that's a big red flag.  To add to that, I've been fighting with DH over the whole daycare thing.  I've accepted the fact that the baby's going to have to go to daycare, not happy about it, but I've accepted it.  However, DH has not accepted it and argues with me everytime I bring it up.  Then last night he said some not so nice things about me wanting our kid to go to daycare, and it really upset me because you know my feelings toward this to begin with, and I don't need him making me feel guilty about it when there's really no other way around it.Sorry, I just am really stressed and on the verge of sitting here bawling my eyes out and just need to vent.  I think my hormones have got the best of me today.

Re: Just need to vent...

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    edited December 2011
    Hugs and vibes, Angela.  I'm sure this is stressful for you and the emotions are high. I hope everything can work out for you.  ~~hugs~~
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    edited December 2011
    Hugs and Vibes.  My Momma always says when DF (or in your case DH) say stupid things like that, they don't mean it, they're just men.  He's just being a man.  He doesn't understand all the emotions of your decision and that you don't want to do it either, but that you know it's the best choice for you right now.  Boo men!
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    edited December 2011
    Aww, sorry this is so stressful right now. Unfortunately I know nothing about STD, but I wish I could give you some advice. The only suggestion I have is regarding daycare. Is there any way a family member or friend could watch your child a few days a week? Even 1? Or maybe you could take some vacation days...for ex. my mom's co-worker takes off every Fri. in the summer to be with her kids, but then again, she never goes anywhere either. And I don't know how much vacation you get...but just trying to help and throw some ideas out there.
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    McBridetobeMcBridetobe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Stupid STD!  Do you think your employer would offer you any paid leave at all?  I'm still waiting to hear back from my bosses, but I'm hoping that if my leave is completely unpaid, I will be able to WFH a few hours a day - after DH is home.  As for daycare, do you guys have any friends who are SAHM/Ds that might be interested in watching your LO too?  We're pretty sure that we will end up with an in-home daycare, but our back up is DH's boss...her DH stays at home with their LO and he is looking to watch another child too.  My only concern with that is that they have a VERY active toddler, so I'd want to make sure he could handle an infant too.  We'll see. Does your DH want you to be a SAHM then?
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    AMK2009AMK2009 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kim, I'm trying to find a daycare that's flexible so that my mom can watch him whenever possible.  And I get 4 week vacation a year, so I will definately be using those days home with the baby, but now I don't know if I'm going to have to use some of them during my maternity leave, ugh! KR, that's a good idea, I'll have to talk to my boss about maybe working from home a little bit during my leave.  Yes, DH is even more against daycare than I am.  Neither of our mothers worked while we were growing up, so I think that's why we have the opinions that we do.  I don't really have any SAHM friends that we could ask, most of my friends don't have any children.
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    edited December 2011
    What about hiring a nanny? Is that possible at all? I'm such a fan of early childhood ed. since my Mom is the director of the center at CMU. It really isn't bad. I'm a daycare kid and I turned out ok. :P  
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    jezebelljezebell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The decision to enroll a child in daycare is really, really hard.  Trust me, I know.  Not to mention that it has an astronomical price tag.  I have a friend whose husband is a stay-at-home dad because no job pays enough to make it worth going, the jobs pay less than daycare costs.  Shop around to find one you're comfortable with.  Make sure you can drop in at any point in time so you can spy (not the best word but basically the truth).  Don't feel guilty about it, you know you're going to do the best you can for Baby.  (Been there.) As far as the $$, your shower might be enough to make sure you're covered with baby goodies while off.  I realize that won't make a mortgage payment, but it's still help. 
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    EmilyBerdellEmilyBerdell member
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    edited December 2011
    I'd definitely check the work from home route. My co-worker had a baby on the 1st of Sept. She's already working from home now. The IT company set her up with remote access and she's able to do 80% of her job from home. She was worried b/c otherwise she'd have a totally unpaid leave. As it stands, I think she used her vaca time for the year and now she's working again. Not ideal in my book, but better than the alternative.
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    AMK2009AMK2009 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    From what I read, nannys are alot more money than daycares.  Plus I'm hoping to find a place thats flexible and I can take him 5 days one week if needed, and 2 the next if my mom can watch him.  She's in restaurant management, so her schedule is always different.
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    lildiva1977lildiva1977 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Vibes, hugs and good luck--ditto to all the pp about seeing if you can work from home, or go part time for a bit...
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear things are not going so well right now. If your DH and you are on the same page about staying home, (regardless of how he is acting), that is great news. He shouldn't be expressing it so rudely though. That sucks, Angela.If your DH hasn't accepted daycare, have you sat down and gone over it with him very carefully regarding the budget? Some people need to see things on paper spelled out for them before they get it. Have you told your DH that you don't want to put your kid in daycare, but that it is a need, not a want? Also, I'd bring up the movie channel thing to him, because he is the one that wanted a lot of the extra channels, HDTV, etc, right? I understand why you are stressed. It is a stressful situation for every soon-to-be-parent. My question for you is, I guess, do you make enough money to pay for daycare? Obviously I have no idea your salary, but daycare can be so expensive. Is doing shifts an option at all? Like can you or DH take a job that is 11-7 or something to avoid daycare all together?I'm sorry about the STD. I know the rules for that are pretty strict and confusing. It might be a good idea to enroll asap for both of you now anyway, as it is good for more than just maternity leave. We have LTD on my DH just in case but have foregone STD because we have an e-fund of 33 months' expenses. STD only really helps with the first few months' expenses. So if you don't have several months of expenses saved up, enroll both of you in STD just in case. STD doesn't pay full salary and often only covers around 50% of what you'd be making. Can you sock away 50% of your checks between now and the baby's birth to basically insure yourself? So you'd pay yourself each week from your own savings and not even need STD.If you need further ways to cut back, I'd be glad to help you. I know you mentioned reviewing your homeowner's/car insurance. We did this and saved a ton, over $83 per month.HTH! (((Hugs)))
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    McBridetobeMcBridetobe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, a nanny is about double what daycare is for a week for us.  Crazy, but I can see it making more sense if you have more kids.  I'm hoping we can find someone flexible enough that DH can watch the bambino on his breaks and we can go PT in the summers.  DC is crazy here - I need to call the one place by my office just to be put on their waiting list for next August.  Um, if I was taking a normal leave/DH wasn't a teacher, we wouldn't even be KU yet.  And there is already a waiting list. 
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    edited December 2011
    Just a question for my own knowledge. In PA, don't you have to take your vacation days before you can use STD for a new baby anyways? That's how the law works in N.J. I have three weeks a year, and would have to exhaust them all before I could qualify for STD at 60%. I don't know PAs laws though.
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    AMK2009AMK2009 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kwynn, I sat down a couple nights ago and figured out our budget.  DH makes enough to cover all the bills, but that's it.  So I really do have to work.  I tried talking to him about getting rid of his stupid cable stuff, and you'd think I asked him to do something horrible!  And then to top that off, he went over our cellphone bill this month by 363 minutes!!!  We had a cellphone bill over $300!!  Needless to say, he hasn't been my favorite person in the world lately. I called 2 daycares near my house just to get an idea of what it costs, and it's a little less than 1/3 of my salary.  It sucks, but it is what it is.  I was also trying to figure out what it would be if I went back to working as a hairstylist, where I could work evenings and weekends, and I'm still better off financially staying at my job and paying for the daycare.  Plus the thought of going back to working evenings and weekends sucks big time.  We'd never have time together as a family. I have LTD too.  I have no idea why I wouldn't have signed up for STD, I'm so angry at myself for this.  I'm sure we'll get by without it, but it just really sucks.  My company's STD is 80% of your salary, and I've been thinking since I found out I was pregnant that I'd be able to get this.  It's a good thing I double checked, I would be super angry if I found out in Dec/Jan that I wasn't getting it.
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    AMK2009AMK2009 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just a question for my own knowledge. In PA, don't you have to take your vacation days before you can use STD for a new baby anyways? That's how the law works in N.J. I have three weeks a year, and would have to exhaust them all before I could qualify for STD at 60%. I don't know PAs laws though. When my HR lady first was telling me about maternity leave, she said we did not have to.  She said that there's a week waiting period for STD where some people use PTO time, but you don't have to.  But then again, our HR lady is in our Deleware office, so maybe she doesn't know what the PA rules are.
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    AMK2009AMK2009 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm hoping we can find someone flexible enough that DH can watch the bambino on his breaks and we can go PT in the summers. DC is crazy here - I need to call the one place by my office just to be put on their waiting list for next August. Um, if I was taking a normal leave/DH wasn't a teacher, we wouldn't even be KU yet. And there is already a waiting list. KR, that is insane!  I just started calling daycares this week for info, and one place I called wanted me to come in like asap and meet with them, I thought maybe they just wanted me to sign on before going somewhere else, but maybe you really do have to sign up early?  Although I doubt Lower Burrell daycares are nearly as busy as daycares in D.C.
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    McBridetobeMcBridetobe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, they have 10 infants on their waiting list right now.  Granted, it is supposed to be a really good DC and they have reasonable rates, so I'm sure that is not the norm. 
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    hey_its_jennhey_its_jenn member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Random side note: FI and I went to the same day care when we were little at the same time.  We both went to (then) Polly's Anna's - behind that funeral home on Leechburg road.  And now we're getting married :) Okay, now to go back and ready what everyone else said and actually give a helpful answer! lol


    Married 9/19/09
    Me: 27 // DH: 31
    TTC # 1 Since October 2010 (Not preventing since 2009)

    October 2012: DH Dx: Testicular Cancer -- Left Orchiectomy
    December 2012: F/U CT Scan -- All clean!
    January 2013: Starting the adoption process!

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    AMK2009AMK2009 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Aww, Jen that's so cute!!  I was just checking the weather for the weekend, yay for sunshine and 70s for Friday and Saturday!!!!!  How perfect!
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto KR, a lot of daycares around here (the middle of nowhere) have waiting lists because they're only allowed to have so many newborns/infants due to staff ratios. As the kids get older, it is not as much of an issue.Have you thought about not a nanny, but a babysitter, basically? Nannies are expensive, but I expect most nannies to be full-time, provided with health insurance, and have at least an A.S. in early childhood education. A babysitter, on the other hand, might be cheaper. I used to babysit for a family when I was in college while the parents were at work. I made $8/hr cash. When the parents had off, I was off. (Or if Grandma watched them that day, etc) That might be a good solution for you, someone experienced but not necessarily advanced educationally. I've heard it is hard to find a daycare that will take kids PT and for good reason, as the daycare won't have guaranteed income and people will always try to have a relative watch the kid if possible to keep down the bottom line. A former coworker had to pay for her children's daycare all summer, even though we were off of work and she kept them home with her. I thought that was a shame. You could try SitterCity or Care.com. That's where I got a lot of my sitting jobs.Your DH makes enough to cover the bills, which is great. His tax withholding will change as well, so you should have a little more money coming in there as there will be another dependent. Is there any way to slash the bills further to have more free spending money? If you stop working, your tax liability may fall even further, enabling you to have more money taken home at the end of every month.1/3 of your pay to daycare isn't bad (I know people who have 50% going to daycare). Are you going to have more children in the future? If you are planning on them soon, I'd try to consider staying home (unless you really love your job) given the costs of two kids in daycare.
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