just want to vent about invite situation and make a suggestion

soccerchica604

Seriously consider putting "we have reserved ___ seats in your honor" on your rsvp cards.
We werent given this option and now I wish we had been because almost everyone is calling us asking if they can bring a guest even though the invite doesnt say "& guest".
I have people calling asking if they can bring their boyfriend that they just started dating last month and I said no because I didnt even know he existed and we dont have room for him (we seriously dont).
I have people asking "oh I know you said no kids but can we bring ours?" Umm no because if we make an exception for you then we have to make one for eveyone. (I work at a daycare and have provided numbers for available babysitters and there are still plenty available) Plus, everyone has know no kids since last april when we sent out save the dates and also posted everything on our wedding webpage.
Its just ridiculous! I'm over it and cant wait for it all to be over.

dhartz22

Honey - I think you should just do what feels right. I think its rude for people to assume that you should pay for everyone's dinner.  Not everyone has an unlimited budget.  For my wedding we put "We have reserved ___ seats for you and I feel great about it.  We can't afford to pay for as many people as we would love to invite, but we are in a recession, people!  I'd rather have a savings account then be stuck in a bad position in the future (job security) just because someone wants to bring their new 'boyfriend.' 
Whenever anything gets you down about your wedding, just remember that if the people you invited are going to judge your wedding or your decisions, then they are not there for the right reason.  They should be there because they are so happy for you and want to be there when you get married.  If people want to judge or rise a scene, remind them of that and I'll bet they'll be quiet in a hurry. I feel like everyone feels like they have the right to impose their opinion on the wedding process, even when they were not asked.  If someone gives you a hard time about who you're inviting, just tell them "I just want you to be happy for me." I'll bet that shuts them right up.

maribeth721

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_just-want-vent-invite-situation-suggestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:5349a437-e1bb-4522-a56a-65babd8cb4e1Post:48887cb9-6858-4564-80ba-5a1121572ec4">Re: just want to vent about invite situation and make a suggestion</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: just want to vent about invite situation and make a suggestion :<strong> I just think it's rude not to invite couples together, regardless of how new they are</strong>. I added someone's girlfriend the day numbers were due to avoid being rude. ETA: Also, once you include other people, it's not just about you anymore.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I agree totally. When you plan your guest list you also have to consider the amount of "plus ones." I have not gone to weddings where I was not invited to bring my boyfriend (prior to being engaged) and none of those people will be invited to my wedding becuase I was so offended.

mbatzlaff

In general I think its best to invite people with their significant other, but I also agree with what some of the others are saying. I am also on a tight budget and I don't like the idea of inviting my friends/family with a plus one just in case they have a boyfriend/girlfriend who I've never met or heard of. I also don't like the idea of strangers coming to the wedding when I have friends and family that won't be invited because of budgetary reasons. Obviously if someone is in a serious or committed relationship they should be allowed a plus one, but there really isn't a good way to delinate that on an invitation. What about those people who get "and guest" and then they break up right before the wedding (after invitations are sent)? That opens the door for them to bring a random friend along.

Invitations can be tricky.

owengirl996

Your suggestion is a good one. I'm sure some people will find it rude, but my cousin did it, and I think it's a great idea.

I am anticipating a couple of "plus 1s" for those not in serious relationships to my knowledge, just in case. And I am planning for lots of kids...but, in one case, I do not want someone who is not in a serious relationship to bring someone and then have her bring her three kids I didn't know about (I have a certain relative in mind on this lol). In this particular case, he says they are just "friends" anyway, and I know she has kids but I don't know how many and have never met them (or her for that matter).

And FTR OP, I don't think you're being rude. Even if you should have planned for a "plus 1" for that guest, what's done is done. If I were in your friend's position, I may have asked, just to see if there was room. However, I wouldn't be upset in the least if you told me nicely that there is just no extra space. If you let her bring a plus 1, there may be others coming out of the woodwork requesting to bring one as well, and it could get out of hand. Better than telling her yes and then having no room!

tanyanubin

It's best to anticipate that some people will show up the day of your wedding with uninvited kids or a date. My sister was married in a fairly small venue. No children were invited, with the exception of my daughter and several other nieces, who were in the wedding party. A colleague of the groom's showed up with his 4 little kids, who proceded to run all over the place...under tables, etc...throughout the reception. Staff had to scramble to put out an extra table for that family. I think most wedding venues are aware of that possibility, though, and can accomodate 'surprises.' For my daughter's upcoming wedding I'm keeping this in mind, and budgeting for rude surprises!

cjackson1481

WOW SoccerChicago - quite a hornets nest you've stirred up.  Apparently lots of responders are feeling free to vent on you.  Wedding etiquette says it's quite acceptable to only invite + ones if they're in a relationship.  If that's all you can afford, stick to it.  If you can afford to have an extra 10?20?30? people bring last minute asual dates then go that route.  But people should follow what it says on their invites.   They won't.  But they should.