Not a fan of my dad's wife...

pattybake12

My problem seems to be more complicated the more I think about it, but my parents are divorced because my dad cheated on my mom.  He and his new wife have been married for about 2 years now and he wants her to be included on the invitation.  I feel that it should just be my mom and my dad (seperated on the invitation of course).  His wife has caused me a lot of emotional mess and she had absolutely no hand in raising me.  My problem is that he is paying for the wedding... the money came from money that was left by my grandmother. 
If I had it my way, she wouldn't even be at the wedding, but I know that's not going to fly. 

One possibility is to say "The loving parents of *the bride* request the honor of your presence...."

My dad is a drama queen and thinks that everyone should be ok with him and his wife and he seems to forget about all the pain they caused. 

What should I do????

MyNameIsNot

I think if he's paying and he's insisting that both their names are on the invite, you're pretty much stuck.  Although you could go with the "it's too long and drawn out to add all these parents and step parents" excuse and say "together with their parents"  but you'd really have to get your dad on board.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Suggest, "Together with their families." If you dad is paying for the whole thing, he definitely gets a say. So if it comes down to it, be prepared to decline the money if you really want the invitations the way you want them.

duckie1905

You can suggest "together with their families" or something inclusive like that but if your dad is paying and he wants your stepmom on the invite then that's the decision.  If you want control you have to pay for it yourself.

And, regardless of the situation and how you feel about her, she is your dad's wife now.  This will probably cause more problems down the road so, for the hope of family peace, just do what he wants and move on.  Most of the guests probably won't read it other to find the bride/groom names and the date, time, and place.

amandajean36

i'm totally passive agreessive with my fmaily issues - and if my dad was still married to my ex-stepmom from h*ll, i for sure would pay for my own invites and word them however i wanted.

although, realisitcally, that's only going to cause problems - esp if he's a 'drama queen'.

i would talk to him about "together with their parents".  if he doesn't go for that...then i might get technical with him.  was the money left by your grandma for you or for him?  if it was left by your grandma, for you, to be held by him --- then that's YOUR money and, technically, you're paying and you can do whatever you want. 

if the money was left to him, he's paying, and he won't do "together with their families"...then i have no idea what to do.  could you print the invites he wants and send them to him and his guests (with him playing) and then print the invites you want and send them to your mom's guests and your guests (with you paying for your invites)?  it'd be alot of work, but maybe it would work...

agk0125

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_not-fan-of-dads-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:5a6b3d6e-89b3-44c2-91d3-792e45439e2dPost:2757859b-2cd0-4386-9a8e-c59d564f7ae6">Re: Not a fan of my dad's wife...</a>:
[QUOTE]was the money left by your grandma for you or for him?  if it was left by your grandma, for you, to be held by him --- then that's YOUR money and, technically, you're paying and you can do whatever you want.
Posted by amandajean36[/QUOTE]

Interesting question especially since your post gives me the feeling that you're going to keep butting heads with your pops.

lyndausvi

Even it Dad is paying I see no reason to have her on the invites.  She has only been around for a few years, it is just an odd request.

I guess Together with their families is a good compromise.  But I would have to have a heart to heart with dad that you would prefer to only have bio-parents names on the invite. As a compromise can you list her in the program and give her a corsage or something?

pattybake12

Thanks y'all!

I feel that since she didn't raise me, she doesn't deserve to be on the invite.  The money was meant for him and his family.  I don't think she ever anticipated her son to do what he did to his family.  I also DO NOT consider her my step mother.  She is his wife and that is all.  We have had a heart to heart about this already and I thought he understood how I felt.  But apprently he thinks that feelings like pain and anger have expiration dates! hmmm...
I need to just tell him that my wedding is not his coming out for him and his wife, but one of the happiest days of my life.  My day....

update-
I found out from my cousin that her dad (my uncle and his brother) told him that he was overreacting.  He's worse than any female I know!!