Time on invites??

tookie1978

I just dropped my invites off for printing.  Before I give the final ok I had a question. My ceremony is at 2:30pm.  My fiance wants us to put 2pm on the invites just in case people are late (his family is ALWAYS late).  That would mean that the guests who are on time must mingle for a half hour.  I don't know how I feel about doing this.  Our wedding ceremony and reception are in the same place and it is fairly far from the majority of our guests so maybe giving the extra half hour to allow for traffic or whatever is ok?  I just don't know
Thoughts?
Thank you,
Robin

aerinpegadrak

If they're late, that's on them.  Don't punish the rest of your guests because his family can't tell time.  If he's worried about it, he can just emphasize to them that the ceremony starts promptly at 2:30pm, and it won't be delayed for anyone.

duckie1905

What would you plan to do with the guests that are on time?  It is rude to ask them to sit for an extra half an hour with nothing to do because you want to make sure no one was late for the ceremony.

Being on time is the guest's responsibility, not yours.  If they are late, they are late.  Don't punish your guests that are on time.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm always early, so I'd probably be there at 1:40. And I would not be happy about sitting around for 50 minutes. I'd just think YOU were running late, not that you tricked us. If VIPs aren't there on time, you can delay for 10 minutes or so, but that's about it.

janedoe1113a

Put the actual time of the ceremony on the invitation.  If they're late, that's rude of them.  If guets have to sit for longer than 30 minutes, that's rude on you.

jswim267

I suggest that you put the correct time on your invites. Just be sure that you emphasize the time to those that you think will be late via telephone or in-person. You can always delay the ceremony 5 - 10 minutes and then proceed (better than delaying 1/2 hour for those who are there on time).

squirrly

Put the real time on the invites.  Don't fudge it.  Your FI can feel free to talk to his tardy family personally and ask that they arrive at whatever time to make sure they're on time.  Or, you can provide group transportation for them, if that's feasible, so that they're all on time. 

But, they're adults and their tardiness is their fault, not yours.

meladoriestar

I will go ahead and disagree with everyone on here.

I am putting the time to arrive 15 minutes earlier than I plan to start. I am also including a card with a link to my wedding site, which states the actual start time and the time I hope they would arrive (15 minutes early).

I am also providing each guest with a glass of champage as they are seated (it's an outdoor wedding). Guests are much less likely to mind waiting 15 minutes if they have a drink in hand and a program to look at.

But also, the way I see it, anyone invited to the wedding will want to be there badly enough that they won't mind waiting.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_time-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:971306ce-e224-4613-90ac-a60f8de555acPost:28b6e164-85f4-4be5-bd7f-7c7029da2bc9">Re: Time on invites??</a>:
[QUOTE]I will go ahead and disagree with everyone on here. I am putting the time to arrive 15 minutes earlier than I plan to start. I am also including a card with a link to my wedding site, which states the actual start time and the time I hope they would arrive (15 minutes early). I am also providing each guest with a glass of champage as they are seated (it's an outdoor wedding). Guests are much less likely to mind waiting 15 minutes if they have a drink in hand and a program to look at. But also, the way I see it, anyone invited to the wedding will want to be there badly enough that they won't mind waiting.
Posted by meladoriestar[/QUOTE]

So, outside, in the heat and the sun (are you providing sun screen too?), with a glass of champagne, and you think it's ok to expect them to sit and wait 45 minutes?  I normally arrive 20 - 30 minutes before a wedding to be seated.  I would be supremely irritated with you - the champagne would just give me a headache out in the sun. 

Bad plan.

duckie1905

Wow, nothing like thinking you are so important that your guests won't mind waiting for you.  Rude rude rude.

meladoriestar

Squirly and Ducky (weird you are both cute fuzzy animals): I guess there's the difference between people who are there to enjoy themselves and mingle and those who are more easily annoyed. I know that none of my friends mind sitting in the sun for half an hour watching the sunset and drinking champagne. I wouldn't think anyone would be annoyed by that, but obviously I'm wrong. Nonetheless, I don't think it's presumptuous to say that the friends I am close enough to invite are going to consider it an important enough event that is worth waiting for.

Also, there is the cultural aspect to consider. Indians make a habit of arriving late to everything. It's not considered rude, it's always planned for in dinner / party invitations. If you say dinner starts at 5, you expect guests around 6 or 6:30. 

jumpingbeanx2

Put the correct time on the invites, but tell the family an earlier time.

tookie1978

I agree with putting the correct time on the invites, this has actually been an argument. I totally think its totally rude to make people wait.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_time-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:971306ce-e224-4613-90ac-a60f8de555acPost:9e7f6fd7-ebc3-4a4e-8f38-b2cff75b8a65">Re: Time on invites??</a>:
[QUOTE]Squirly and Ducky (weird you are both cute fuzzy animals): I guess there's the difference between people who are there to enjoy themselves and mingle and those who are more easily annoyed. I know that none of my friends mind sitting in the sun for half an hour watching the sunset and drinking champagne. I wouldn't think anyone would be annoyed by that, but obviously I'm wrong. Nonetheless, I don't think it's presumptuous to say that the friends I am close enough to invite are going to consider it an important enough event that is worth waiting for. Also, there is the cultural aspect to consider. Indians make a habit of arriving late to everything. It's not considered rude, it's always planned for in dinner / party invitations. If you say dinner starts at 5, you expect guests around 6 or 6:30. 
Posted by meladoriestar[/QUOTE]

Then I would call those people who think the culturally correct thing to do is to arrive late and let them know that for this function in the church/culture/family/etc. in which it's being held, that to be early is to be on time and to be on time is to be late and to be late is to miss the wedding.

And, yeah - champagne and the sun will result in headaches and sunburn for many people.  It's one thing if the ceremony starts late because the bride was stuck in traffic arriving or the flowers were late getting there.  It's another to PLAN to start it later than announced.  THAT's what's really rude.  So, have it outside, provide the champagne, but tell the truth on the start time.  To do otherwise is to disrespect your guests.

meladoriestar

>>Then I would call those people who think the culturally correct thing to do is to arrive late and let them know that for this function in the church/culture/family/etc. in which it's being held, that to be early is to be on time and to be on time is to be late and to be late is to miss the wedding.<<

A wedding is a personal and a family thing. I don't see why I should alter my own cultural customs to put a minority of the guests at ease. The culturally correct thing in MY family and among MY friends is to start later than you stated you will. I don't find it appropriate to throw that whole thing out because a handful of my guests (who ARE aware of the custom) might have to wait a few extra minutes.

But disregarding cultural aspects here, I still disagree. I can see you might be upset about waiting for 15 minutes, but as I said, I still prefer to ensure that everyone can make it before the wedding starts. Those guests who arrive early are already planning on waiting anyways.