Wedding Invitations & Paper

Should I be offended?

I always thought that family and close friends should be invited by name.  Has that changed?
Last year my father in law was married and of course my husband was in the wedding party.  His soon to be step mother has never liked me so I took it as an attempt to personally offend me when our invitation arrived addressed to Mr. John Smith and Family.
This year our best friend is getting married.  We don't know the bride too well but have been best friends with this guy for 20 years.  My husband is his best man.  Our invitation arrived again addressed to Mr. John Smith and Family.  Does this mean the bride has something against me? (It was her handwriting on the invitation).  Our friend also said his fiance was going to invite me to the bridal shower and bachelorette party but I never recieved an invite to either of those.  Should I be taking this personally?

Re: Should I be offended?

  • I wouldn't be offended since you and the bride aren't close. maybe she chose only closest friends/family to her pre-wedding parties. Since the invite was not just addressed to your husband, you are invited.
  • I see.  So only people who are close to the bride get invited by name.  I just assumed it was people close to the bride AND groom.  Then I guess I was wrong to be offended by my father in laws invite. 
  • As for the bridal shower and bachelorette, I'd stay out of it because those are throw for the bride and not by the bride.  So the hostesses may either 1, not have your name or 2, have space constraints for the parties.

    Regarding the invitation, it wasn't appropriate and can be perceived as rude.  In this instance though, I'd say it was more likely that it was done out of ignorance and not out of malice.

    If they came here they would know that all wedding guests should be invited by name. :-)
  • loop0406loop0406 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2010

    I would be offended if my father and law and best friend only addressed it to husband's name. I am writing out invitations to married couples 'Mr. and Mrs. John Smith' not including the wife's names on invites...


    Couples with the same last name can be addressed together as Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jefferson. Couples with different last names may be listed on one line as Mr. Ron Hildebrand and Ms. Syndi Seid or on two separate lines as Ms. Syndi Seid (next line) Mr. Ron Hildebrand. Unmarried couples are listed on two separate lines. If you are not sure of marital status, list the names on separate lines.


    http://www.calligraphylady.com/addresslists.htm

  • When in doubt, go to Crane's if you're confused on how to address the envelope.

    Loop, I'm confused by what you wrote.  When you write out an invitation to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith you are including the wife.  You're folloing the old school etiquette way of doing this which does not include her first name but by writing out the Mrs. you're certainly indicating that she's welcome to be there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_should-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:a319d8c6-ef5b-4939-a792-e66a18ee4284Post:4998c063-e930-48e7-9cc6-3b48bfc7b44e">Re: Should I be offended?</a>:
    [QUOTE] In this instance though, I'd say it was more likely that it was done out of ignorance and not out of malice. If they came here they would know that all wedding guests should be invited by name. :-)
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I completely agree.  It is definitely preferred to write out the name of the person's date, if known.  And you should do this for your invitations.  But that being said, I think there are a lot of etiquette rules that many brides are sadly unaware of.  Or perhaps she was just lazy and didn't want to call a bunch of people to find out their date's name.  

    </div>
  • My FI's cousin had never met me before and she still was thoughtful enough to ask for the correct spelling of my first and last name for her invitation. I would thought it was rude, too, but she may just not know etiquette.
  • I would think it was rude, but would try not to be really offended. I've been invited as "and Guest" by friends after we had been dating for almost 6 years. I didn't think it was pointed at me though, more that the bride was lazy or ignorant :)

    If it was his father, on the other hand... I'd be irritated.
  • And family really isn't appropriate anyway.  All guests should be invited by name.
    Married 10/2/10
  • I'd just write it off as they didn't know any better.
  • You should RSVP +10, and if she asks tell her you invited all your Family since the invite was John Smith + Family :D
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