Wedding Invitations & Paper

Detailed Bride vs Laid Back Groom

Okay, so the wedding is in August. I got mostly everything written down and planned. I'm getting ready to start ordering my stationary, but my FH hasn't given me is final invite count list. He has given me some, but no addresses or phone numbers yet. I have a very large family and he comes from a small family. Now I could go behind his back, talk to my FMIL, and get all the info from her, but he prefers to do "word of mouth" for his family and friends. He is very low key, and it's not that he doesn't want to get married. They whole family is like that... they rarely do holidays together.

My question is...
Do I go with my gut feeling and talk to FMIL for information or let him do it his way?
We are doing a plated dinner so I would need their meal selections in advance, but I'm sure FMIL can get that for me. No problem.
I was thinking about making business sized cards with our wedding website information and giving them to him to pass to his people so they could RSVP online.

What do you think or how should I handle this?

*I will be including the website info with the invites as well. He doesn't want to give invites to his people at all. He feels that if he tells them and it's important enough to them, they will either come or not. "so be it." This would be his 2nd marriage and my 1st, so i'm sure you can understand the difference in importance of actually having a ceremony.
For me, every detail is important
For him, it's whatever... "I just want to say "I do" and pray that you say "I do" too.", that's exactly what he told me.

Re: Detailed Bride vs Laid Back Groom

  • meganb1977meganb1977 member
    1000 Comments
    edited February 2012
    I think you can get the information without going behind his back.  I think you can explain to him without being a nag about it that because your venue needs the information you will need RSVP's for the head count and menu choices.  You can suggest to him that you could get the addresses and etc. from his mother and you don't mind taking care of everything, but you don't want him to think you were going behind his back.  Instead of handing RSVP cards out I would include them with your invitations, if your fiance prefers hand delivery of the invitation packet to certain people that would probably be okay.  We did RSVP cards for people to send back and business cards with our contact information, wedding web site, and map showing venue location and parking.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • Just tell him that you'd rather everyone get an invite so that they have the keepsake and you have a total headcount. Laid back doesn't necessarily mean that they don't need wedding info/travel info. He should understand that and get moving on addresses. If he doesn't tell him you can ask his mom for it if he'd prefer that.

    I think you should just have everyone RSVP the same way. Give everyone an invite and have everyone RSVP by cards (if that's what you're doing) or everyone by email. I think separating RSVP styles will end up being confusing.
  • I don't plan to order invites now. I'm currently working on Save-the Dates, but it falls in the same category of how many to order and who to send them to.
  • CMGr, she still needs to send some to her fiance's family, which is the problem.

    OP: Tell her fiance you need the addresses by (date), and that if he doesn't get them by then you'll just call his mom and get them from her. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_detailed-bride-vs-laid-back-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:b9281db3-d0db-4d72-85cb-e47670066148Post:c6887c5c-ca85-4c3e-8f29-49ba3db69f32">Detailed Bride vs Laid Back Groom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Now I could go behind his back, talk to my FMIL, and get all the info from her, but he prefers to do "word of mouth" for his family and friends....My question is... Do I go with my gut feeling and talk to FMIL for information or let him do it his way? 
    Posted by divamama209[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't get why getting the info from his mother is 'going behind his back.' Will he flip out at you if you send her an email (CC him on it) that says "Hi Jill, Bob and I really need the address of [list of family members], could you please give them to us?"</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm also pretty confused about how he thinks it's better (or at all a good idea) to do STDs and wedding invites via "word of mouth." I sort of doubt that this is the way they go about weddings, even if nobody comes to Christmas at Aunt Sally's regularly. Even if it's not the way they do it, they probably have received wedding invites from other people before.</div>
  • He just doesn't want to make a big fuss. I am probably overthinking things because I'm always on top of everything in detail. My wedding planning is pretty much done and we're about 5 months out! I just like to be organized.
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