Inviting Co-Workers

TaraNSmith03

My fiance' and I are wanting to have a small wedding of 50 or less.  I have co-workers wanting to come to my wedding.  How do I not upset current and former co-workers?

pooh8402

do you want your coworkers there? if not, then just don't invite them. if they ask, "we're having a very small wedding." and repeat.

Ashly018

Just tell them your wanting a small wedding of family and close friends only.  Maybe after the wedding you could have a BBQ or something and invite them to that.

I <3 Seabass

Unless someone specifically asks if they're invited I wouldn't even bring it up. I didn't invite any co-workers to our wedding and just didn't talk about it at work. If someone asked me how planning was going I would give them a brief answer but I wouldn't go into a lot of detail.

banana468

Don't talk about your wedding in the office.  If they do ask, just say, "Oh we're keeping it very small."

krgoodman310

One additional comment on this subject - if you decide you aren't going to invite co-workers, stick to your guns.  If you invite just one, you will have to invite them all.  I made that mistake and invited the people at work that I'm really close to...and now it is escalating and I'm sure there will be at least 2 or 3 that expected to be invited and I missed.  You have to draw the line somewhere, right?

rendrizzi

I'm in the same boat. I have a few co-workers that are my best friends, so not only will they be invited, but they will be a part of the wedding, like ushers and readers. However, I have some co-workers I do not want there at all! In particular, one that keeps bringing it up every chance she gets, I keep saying "It's going to be a small wedding" but she doesn't get the hint and I know she is going to be offended when the invites land in the company mailboxes. I will have to live with that.

TaraNSmith03

We are trying to keep it small and simple.  There are a few co-workers that are asking a lot, and it will be hard. 

dragonfly7701

I have the same problem, I really do not want to invite everyone just a few co-workers. But I feel weird not inviting them all. I rather just have the girls that I am friends with and not the boss and everyone else, because I can't even afford it.

squirrly

"It means so much to us that you want to celebrate with us.  However, we're having a very small ceremony and just aren't able to invite everyone we'd like to.  I'm sure you understand."

Practice that.  Say it EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. someone gets pushy.  Don't vary.  Don't state whether it's budget or venue size or personal preference on WHY it's small - just stick with that phrase. 

If you let them walk away without saying that - you've as good as invited them!  No excuses.  Get that phrase out there.  Talk to your parents.  Let them know what's going on, and enlist their help.  They should learn the phrase and repeat it too.  Small wedding mantra. 

dragonfly7701

reading all your posts have helped me to put things in perspective. i work with a bout 13 people. I am only friends with 4. To make it worse I can't actually stand 3 of those other people. So I feel I really do not want them in my wedding..because the office is a small office, I feel bad not including all yet I feel I have no conncetion or reason to have those peple I do not like there. I feel very confused about this and I have to decide because I am sending my invites next month.

yahny

It's a tough one isn't it? My fiancee and I met at work (and I still work there) so there are definitely people who we would really like to be there who are still colleagues of mine. If it wasn't for that, the rule would have been all or none. In the end, we decided to invite everyone to the evening reception only. 

So how we worked it out was ask the following:

Did we both work with them? 

Do we socialise with them outside of work, and if so, have we seen them within the last year?

Finally, I added in a few people who were in my old team who are still at the company (we all got split apart boo!) or my current team and those I work closely. 

Thankfully his company is very small. We're quite close to his workmates and see them socially too, so that's not a problem!

stella7

I work in a office of 9 people I get along with all of them but there is only 2 that I know that if I wasn't at that same job tomorrow I would still be firends with and keep in touch with. I have been talking about my wedding at work a bit which I am going to defianlty stop now after reading everones post, it just so hard cause its always on my mind and I am so excited but I will definalty try. I am so worried that the other 7 work mates will be upset with me that I havent invited them. I don't wan't to upset anyone but why have people there that you know you wouldn't be firends with if it wasn't for work! Such a hard one!

DMR211

what about inviting them after dinner to just join in the festivities after?

dragonfly7701

So after talking with my fiance we decided to cut our wedding guest list by a few. I took out the people I work with that I don't socialize with. It makes sense, why having them in one of the most important days of your life when you don't even go to lunch together.

Plus you never know if you won't be at that job a few months down the line. Yet those people will always be on your wedding pictures.

I decided to make myself and my fiance very very happy that day by sorrounding ourselves with people who really care for us and bring good positive vibes to our special day

Make this about you and love ones  

toonces69

I have been dealing with this same issue. We have one guy who goes to our church and I work with him, but I can't stand him! I have been going back and forth about it because a lot of our employees will be invited and a few people from church. I really don't want him there, but I don't want to upset him either.

ngannon19

YES!  Most definitely send the invitations to their home address.  A wedding is personal and they just happen to be personal friends whom you also happen to work with - by all means send the invites to their HOMES! 

schweige

I'm having difficulty with one co-worker inparticular. He is an older man who has a, let's say, deformatity in his "private" area. I am really good friends with this person and he is always asking about and talking to me about my fiance and our son, however my finace does not want him at the wedding, because he doesn't want people staring, asking questions about him or making fun of him, because he is a really sweet person. However, I would like to invite some other co-workers and it will be rude if I invite them and not him. Suggestions?

dragonfly7701

Schweige,

You should invite him. There are so many handicaped people in this world. I am sure he gets the stares by rude people everyday. You seem as if you want to protect him but in reality being like that (handicapped) for his entire life he is used to the stares and rudeness of people. If he is such a nice person, include him and show other people in your wedding how much aceptance you and your fiance have over people with disabilities. If you think some friends or family members might be rude speak to them ahead of time and ask them to be tactful. This helps t oavoid unconfortable situations at your wedding.  

Lindze75

Oh this is so hard.  My coworkers expect to be invited.  When I first started (3 years ago) another coworker got married and invited all of us in the dept (9) without the option to bring a guest. 

To make it worse.  I bumped into my boss when I was with my dad and she said that everyone was "so excited for the wedding and couldn't wait to share the day with the bride"  Niether of us knew how to respond so I feel like my silence = an invitation.

Everyone is always asking about the wedding so I feel obligated to invite.  FI is friends with 2 people from work (we went to highschool with both of them and one got him the job) so they will be coming but he's finding it hard to draw the line with the other coworkers...not to mention one friend has a twin that we went to school with but dont' see as often but he feels like if we invite one it's rude not to invite the other.  We actually have two situations like this with twins....the guest list is my least fave part of all this!

On top of that some friends have point blank asked, "I'm invited, right?" and they werent' and FI didn't know how to handle it so they think they are.....

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_inviting-co-workers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ec1a7d03-3b64-42fa-b9fe-c1eba0ca7b03Post:bf001b97-e86f-4ca5-83ce-c58a97350936">Re: Inviting Co-Workers</a>:
[QUOTE]what about inviting them after dinner to just join in the festivities after?
Posted by DMR211[/QUOTE]

No, bad plan.  Invite them to everything or invite them to nothing.

Keep in mind - you're talking about ADULTS.  When you were in second grade and you had to take cupcakes for everbody on your birthday if you took them for anybody, it was reasonable to have an all or nothing policy.  If you're talking about excluding children, an all or nothing policy makes sense.  But co-workers?  No.  Invite the people with whom you socialize outside of work, people you would still talk to if you left your job, etc.  The others - nope.  Just avoid having lengthy conversations with people who might assume they'll be invited.

Personally, people at work ask me about our wedding because they think it's interesting, and they're curious.  We don't see each other outside of work, though, and I know they don't expect to be invited - that's the relationship we have.  If they did expect one, I'd advoid the topic.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_inviting-co-workers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ec1a7d03-3b64-42fa-b9fe-c1eba0ca7b03Post:c904af71-d47d-4fb0-87b9-110708feafcb">Re: Inviting Co-Workers</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh this is so hard.  My coworkers expect to be invited.  When I first started (3 years ago) another coworker got married and invited all of us in the dept (9) without the option to bring a guest.  To make it worse.  I bumped into my boss when I was with my dad and she said that everyone was "so excited for the wedding and couldn't wait to share the day with the bride"  Niether of us knew how to respond so I feel like my silence = an invitation. Everyone is always asking about the wedding so I feel obligated to invite.  FI is friends with 2 people from work (we went to highschool with both of them and one got him the job) so they will be coming but he's finding it hard to draw the line with the other coworkers...not to mention one friend has a twin that we went to school with but dont' see as often but he feels like if we invite one it's rude not to invite the other.  We actually have two situations like this with twins....the guest list is my least fave part of all this! On top of that some friends have point blank asked, "I'm invited, right?" and they werent' and FI didn't know how to handle it so they think they are.....
Posted by Lindze75[/QUOTE]

Go back to the first page & find that mantra I posted.  Learn to love it. 

Honestly, with your co-workers, you might be able to get out of it. 

"Guys, we've tried SO hard to make this work.  I know you're so excited for us, and it really means a lot, but we just can't make it work.  I hate it, but we've really just run out of options."  Again - try not to specify budget, venue size, etc.  If you give a specific reason, the first thing they'll think about is why that reason applies to them (I'm not important enough, etc.).  If you don't give a reason, it might be that your parents won't let you invite them, it might be money, etc.  It makes it harder for them to figure out who/what to blame, and thus easier to accept and not take personally.  You can suggest getting together for lunch after the HM if you want, or sharing photos if they ask, but if you're excluding ALL co-workers, I think you can backtrack.

Friends are harder to do this with, as other friends that they may have talked to are likely invited. 

Betsy85

My fiance and I work together, and we're friends with a lot of people at our store, but we work in the Grand Rapids, Michigan area, and our wedding is in the Upper Penninsula of Michigan, 7 hours from work.  A lot of our work aquaintances talk like they've already gotten their invitations, but we won't be able to invite most of them.  So far, I've only been able to muster the guts to tell them that if our guest list is too big, we'll be cutting the co-workers first.  I'll have to break the big news soon, I should have just said no from the start.  You can easily be polite about it, but remember that its your wedding, and family and close friends come long before co-workers on the guest list totem poll.  We've decided to host a second reception here in Grand Rapids that is much less formal, and we plan to invite them to that so they can still celebrate with us.

icecreamzombie

I work in a small office and am inviting my coworkers (theres a total of five).  Would it be rude of me to not invite their husbands?

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_inviting-co-workers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ec1a7d03-3b64-42fa-b9fe-c1eba0ca7b03Post:2dd46243-14d9-44db-8ef3-3a5961977785">Re: Inviting Co-Workers</a>:
[QUOTE]I work in a small office and am inviting my coworkers (theres a total of five).  Would it be rude of me to not invite their husbands?
Posted by icecreamzombie[/QUOTE]

Yes.  A husband and wife are a social unit and must be invited to social occasions as such.

jshep519

 If you are only inviting a select group of people from work, you should mail those invitations to home addresses. It will help avoid hurt feelings from someone who is not invited. Good Luck & Congrats! Jennie