Invites and Paper

Disagreeing about Children at the Wedding

Here is the deal - at our approximately 75 person wedding there are very very few people that have children. However my FI's cousin has a two year old. She lives several states away, but her mother (FI Aunt) is going to perform our ceremony because she is a pastor. The cousin is unmarried and generally does not leave the child with other people. I have a very strong opinion of NOT have ANY children at the wedding - it is a formal evening event and I want adults only. However - my FI family thinks it is not a big deal and the toddler should be able to come. My family disagrees and my family is paying for everything. I don't want to cave and say she can come - but I don't want everyone upset and thinking I'm bridezilla.

Any thoughts??

Re: Disagreeing about Children at the Wedding

  • You and your FI need to come to an agreement about this.

    Personally, I don't think a two year old belongs at an evening wedding - and this is coming from a mother of an 18 mo.  Bedtime for DD is 7:30 and she's asleep a bit after 8 PM.  To keep her up after her bedtime leads to screaming, tantrums, difficult behavior and the potential for me to be punched in the face!

    However, regardless of what I say, you and your FI need to be on the same page.

    Whatever you two decide, the mother is going to need to get over the idea of never leaving her child.  You two may welcome this child but not everyone will agree.
  • I agree with banana.  An evening wedding is no place for a toddler.  If you and your fiance are on the same page, I would stand firm in your decision.  If you want to be particularly accomodating, since they will be travelling from a few states away, maybe find some babysitting referrals in your area and say something like "Of course, I understand that you don't want to travel without little Johnny.  I found a few babysitting referrals in the area, I hope that helps.  I hope you will be able to make it to the wedding".

  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    What does your FI want? I wouldn't have minded a childless wedding, but that would have been akin to telling FI's family I like to kick puppy dogs in my spare time for shitts and giggles, so we're having kids. I don't think all that many are coming. It frankly wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.
    Lizzie
  • Can you hire her a sitter for the evening? If you offer to do that and the cousin declines to come, I think you will have covered your bases. 
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_disagreeing-about-children-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f6c9d6c9-654d-4982-a29e-065772503fa8Post:55d637ca-b409-4094-9ae5-16cf296a60fa">Disagreeing about Children at the Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here is the deal - at our approximately 75 person wedding there are very very few people that have children. However my FI's cousin has a two year old. She lives several states away, but her mother (FI Aunt) is going to perform our ceremony because she is a pastor. The cousin is unmarried and generally does not leave the child with other people. I have a very strong opinion of NOT have ANY children at the wedding - it is a formal evening event and I want adults only. However - my FI family thinks it is not a big deal and the toddler should be able to come. My family disagrees and my family is paying for everything. I don't want to cave and say she can come - but I don't want everyone upset and thinking I'm bridezilla. Any thoughts??
    Posted by apazandak[/QUOTE]


    I am not having kids at my wedding with the exception of my son ( 13 - 14 by then ) my niece who is going to be 3 and the flower girl and my nephew - who will be 9 by then i think -   the only reason my niece and nephew really get to come is because my sister (MOH) and BIL ( will be performing our ceremony) will be travelling from Phila and literally everyone that could keep the kids for 4 days will be at the wedding. 

    I have cousins that will have kids and friends who have kids - but other than the 3 mentioned above there will be no more kids - - if people ask my answer is no - it is going to hurt some people's feelings and cause them not to come for lack of childcare - but it's my wedding and i do not want 20 little kids taking over my dance floor
    Wedding Countdown Ticker ~~December Sept. 2013 Siggy Challenge~~ Now & Then Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I agree with the above posts.
    My FI and I are having a destination wedding and requesting NO children. We only have a handful of friends who have children. We have agreed that if there are friends who do not want to leave their children at home, then they aren't coming to the wedding. Thats our decision. We are not willing to make others happy at our wedding by sacrificing what WE want. You and the FI need to be on the same page and stand united on this topic. Don't feel bad at not wanting children at your wedding. I don't think it's a place for children anyways since there is alcohol involved. 
    Good luck!
  • j-harveyj-harvey member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited June 2012
    There is nothing wrong with not wanting a 2yo at an evening wedding. A 2 year old is just not capable of behaving appropriately. There is a difference between not making a big scene and being quiet. A 2 year old does not have to attend your wedding because grandma will be performing it. It is not reasonable for the mom to refuse to leave a 2 year old. You should help her find childcare in the area but realize that many parents wouldn't be comfortable with a stranger. You also should graciously accept her decline. If she doesn't go anywhere without her 2 year old this won't be the first thing she has missed. This might be more awkward if the child were in grade school and could reasonably be expected to sit quietly and not make a fuss E t a: regarding the difference of opinion between you and fi, I personally go 4 the rule of who will be more upset about this. For example, you might not care if your ex attend the wedding. If your fi does the ex should not attend. I would see the issue differently if your fi had a close relationship with this child and really wanted her to attend.
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