Stressing out... (vent)

LDW0225

Ok ladies sorry about the vent but... I am seriously considering scratching the whole wedding and eloping. I am not the type to stress out. But I am big time today. I don't know what to do. Originally I didn't want a wedding, I just wanted to get married to the man I love in front of our parents, grandparents and siblings. Everyone convinced me to have a wedding, including FI. Fast forward 6 months and we are planning a big 180 guest wedding. We have our reception site and my dress. FI and I are $1000 invested and my mom bought my dress at $600. So money wise we aren't too deep. My parents haven't spoken a word about how much they are going to contribute to the wedding. FI's parents have said they will pay for the alcohol, part of the ceremony and the rehearsal dinner. I just don't know we are working our butts off trying to save for the wedding and feel like we are getting no where. I know we still have a year to save but I feel like something keeps coming up every time I turn around. So I'm stressed out about the money part of the wedding. I am not a planner and trying to plan a huge party from 8 hours away, on a budget is harder than I expected.  I really just want to go back to my originally plan and do a small, intimate wedding. But I know how upset everyone will be if we decide to go that. My mom will be devastated. I'm her first daughter to be getting married. FI's parents will support us but be really upset. I just don't know what to do. Thanks for reading this... Any advice is welcomed.

greeneke2

I wouldn't cancel the whole wedding just yet.  I know you are stressed out right now, but thats going to happen when you are planning the wedding.  Things are going to come up and you just have to learn to take things as they come.  I would say don't invest any more money at the very moment and just see how you feel in a few weeks because you may feel a little differently and still want to have the big wedding.  But in the end it is going to come down to what YOU want.  Not what your parents or his parents want.  If you still feel this way after a few weeks then maybe start thinking about scratching the whole wedding.  You just wouldn't want to make a rash decision and then regret it later.  You are lucky that you are not too invested so far so if thats what you choose you won't break the bank!  

mandi921vh

Well said Katie!

angelsong21

Definitely agree to give it a few weeks and see how you feel.  I always at LEAST give something the "3 Day Rule" before I make a big decision.  I'm an emotional person so I tend to make emotional decisions, which usually end up being the decisions I wish I had NOT made.  3 days gives me a bare minimum amount of time to cool off, rethink, make pro/con lists or whatever I need to do to set myself straight and look at it more objectively.

It sounds like FI really wants a wedding.  Would it be possibly to meet in the middle and have a much smaller traditional wedding?  If you slash your guest list in half, that would be a HUGE reduction in costs.  Can you change your venue to a less expensive venue?  You can also save a lot of money on catering with going with restaurants like Black Eyed Peas, Johnny Carinos, Olive Garden, etc which cost much less than a traditional caterer.  There are so many ways to cut the budget...I just hope you don't give up yet.  Take some time to think it over and then make a decision that both you and FI can be happy with.

LDW0225

Thanks ladies, I'm not going to make any rash decisions. I am going to think it over for a few days and have a serious conversation with FI about it all. I want to be sure we come to a decision together that we will both be happy with and not regret it later. I go back and forth during the planning process, I get excited thinking about our "big" wedding and everything that goes along with it. The guest list is cut about as much as we can. I already had to ask FI parents to cut 50 people from it. They have a huge family. The reception hall we chose is the best we could get for our money, good food, good reputation, and less stress with planning from so far away because they do everything at a reasonable price. I'm just having one of those days and needed to vent. We still might change our mind and we be out some money, but either way I want to be sure it's the right thing to do for both of us. Thanks again ladies.