Am I wrong here? *venting*

bndaidbuny414

I feel like I'm whining and complaining by writing this post, but I feel like I need to talk to people that are getting married (more specifically getting married in the same time frame as me) to get opinions on this. My mom was excited at the engagement, but she hasn't been excited about anything wedding related. When we finally reserved the reception venue, I said something about our date being official and my mom said it's not official til we talk to our pastor. I know that's semi true, but really, there was no need to burst my excitement bubble about it. I talked to my dad about it and he said she feels like I'm doing everything too soon and going overboard. When I tried talking to my MOH and my friend that's basically my wedding coordinator and they said all I need to worry about is reserving the venues right now. The other day i was talking to my mom and she asked if I've looked on Martha Stewart weddings website and said they had a good checklist and said a friend of hers from high school owns a cosignment shop and she has two antique wedding dresses. My mom asked her for pics of the dresses and sizes. So I thought maybe when she saw the checklist she realized I'm not doing things too early.

My MOH texted me yesterday asking about our e-pics (which she told me the other day she thinks we need to wait to do them) I told her about my mom with the checklist and she said all I "NEED to do right now is reserve the church and reception place and an estimated guest list"  Then when I didn't say anything she said that I should get my dress at 9 months and then bridesmaid dresses, cake, flowers, and other small stuff at 6 months. Then when I didn't respond again (not because I was mad, but I just didn't know what to say) she said she knows I'm excited but she doesn't want me to plan a bunch of stuff and then decide in 6 months I don't like it later and want to change everything.

I'm planning so much stuff now, partially because I'm excited and partially because I'd rather get stuff done now and not worry about it later.

I guess the point of this post is to ask when are you planning on doing what?

carlowgirl10

I have some ppl saying that stuff to me too. But the stuff we buy now (Dress, flowers, etc.) More thanlikely if we love it now.we wont change our minds. Its YOUR day..do waht you want. Also, I want to get stuff done now because then the monthbefore the wedding, i can RELAX..get sleep..so i can look my best on the day of the wedding.  And im sure your thinking the exact same! lol

FutureMrsSheeler

I think you need to plan your wedding on your time. You will hopefully only get to plan one wedding, so you should plan when you want. That is my best advice to you. Get your dress when you want, but be smart about it, and don't look at dresses after you buy one. If you pick a color scheme and are 100% about it, then get some decorations or DIY stuff out of the way. Take your e-pics soon if you want. They cant tell you when to do stuff for YOUR wedding. Maybe your mom will get more excited when it gets closer, but until then, don't talk about the wedding until she brings it up. I would not wait 6 months for your BM dresses because some stores take 6-8 months to even get them in.

klw0022

I agree! Why wait on things!

When I was my BF's MOH I had to get on her to do things (she's kind of spacey and I keep her on her toes and vice versa) because I didn't want her to stress last minute.

I am having a Destination wedding so I don't want to stress overseas! I already have the AHR venue, Wedding in Antigua booked/planned, flowers etc. in Antigua planned, Dress, Photographer, DJ, email to those coming with booking info, you name it I'm working on it!

I'm grateful that no friends are egging me to do certain things and when, it's YOUR wedding you do what you want when you want...things book up and book up fast so why not be ahead of the game?

Malibu2370

Here's a list of what I have done so far:

Venue (Ceremony and Reception)
Pastor (my grandfather so it was kind of a given but we still had to ask)
DJ
Photographer
Florist
Theme (colors and decorations picked out but not 100% purchased)
Wedding party set
FG/RB set
I've picked out which dress I love but still need to buy it (waiting on tax return)
Rooms blocked
STD's made (sending them out in June)
Started looking at invitation designs/DIY ideas
Probably a few more little things I just can't think of right now.

I've been engaged since October and we just got to it right away. I've looked into multiple florists/photographers/venues etc and when I found "the one" I signed the dotted line after thinking about it for a day or two and making sure that it's really what I wanted. I think as long as you're not just going with the first place you find you're probably fine. Don't just jump into something because it's fun and exciting and you want to check it off. Make sure it's really what you and your FI want and what you can afford. The check list they give you both here and on other websites is an excellent tool to help keep you in line BUT do not feel like you can't go look at dresses until 9 months before the wedding. That's just silly.

The way I figure is the more I get done now the less I have to stress about later. Our E-pics are in September but only because we want to lose weight before we have them done.

I dunno if that helps or not.... I'm sure they're probably just trying to 'help' by telling you not to worry and to just to this or that but really do what you feel is important and use the check list to make sure you're not forgetting anything and or way behind on it. Nothing wrong with being ahead of the game tho...

Good luck.

Mona8

I would much rather get as much done now as I can. I have my ceremony and recpetion venues, officiant, photographer, DJ, florist, dress, and hair & makeup artists done. The only person who has told me I'm doing too much too soon is my mom, and I just tell her as politely as I can that I would rather get things done now than be stressed out later and run the risk of not getting a vendor I really want because they were already booked. May is a popular month and I don't think everyone realizes how quickly certain vendors can get booked! You should be excited and it's your wedding, so if you want to start planning early, I say go right ahead!

Luv4law07

I'm getting the same reactions from you from certain people.  Thankfully my mom is understanding, especially since its on a holiday weekend, we realize that it can get booked quickly.  For the most part, I have the baker, florist, photographer, officiant, venue, colors, ideas, etc planned out.  I have to finalize the baker, florist, photographer with a signature, but we've discussed what I want, gotten prices and about to sign and pay on those.  I've had my dress for 3 years!  Haha, we planned on getting married 2 years ago, but had to put it off, so thankfully I don't have to budget that in, and will just need to get it altered.

Don't let someone else tell you what to do and what not to do.  Its not them that will have to stress and run around like a chicken with their head cut off when they find out everyone is already booked.  I feel its better to be sooner than later, whats wrong with being efficient??

S0095042

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-wrong-here-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:4d2db8b2-26e4-40af-bbd0-f1178819b254Post:b2d36564-d07a-424e-8ab7-1555014514d1">Re: Am I wrong here? *venting*</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think you need to plan your wedding on your time</strong>. You will hopefully only get to plan one wedding, so you should plan when you want. That is my best advice to you. <strong>Get your dress when you want, but be smart about it, and don't look at dresses after you buy one</strong>. If you pick a color scheme and are 100% about it, then get some decorations or DIY stuff out of the way. Take your e-pics soon if you want. They cant tell you when to do stuff for YOUR wedding. Maybe your mom will get more excited when it gets closer, but until then, don't talk about the wedding until she brings it up. I would not wait 6 months for your BM dresses because some stores take 6-8 months to even get them in.
Posted by FutureMrsSheeler[/QUOTE]

This...
My situation is a bit reversed. My mom wasn't excited about the engagement but is now excited about those other things. Plus with BM dress shopping, I know my BMs are going to need some extra time to save so we are looking in May and then they have to have them ordered by September...

Just when you pick something, stop looking and turn to a new project. Then you won't regret anything and if you're REALLY in love with something, chances are that won't change within the year... :)

Personally, we have our:
venues
photog (these DO book early, so if you want a particular person or style LOOK NOW)
DJ
Wedding Party Set
Monogram
Working on other stationary stuff with a graphic designer
*We are also currently signing contracts with our florist and officiant this week.

leahstinson

I agree with all the girls. This is YOUR day and you need to plan at the speed you feel comfortable. If that means starting now or 8 months before it's what you want to get done.

I know my personality (ie last minute for everything, procrastinator, etc) SO, I have to force myself to plan early otherwise I will be doing everything right before the wedding. 

But with that said I really don't have much done LOL. I have my venue booked and signed and I bought some birch but that's about it. 

bndaidbuny414

Thank you girls so much! We've reserved our reception place, asked bridal party (except RB and FG we haven't decided if we're even going to have them), decided on colors and favors, pretty much know what photographer we're using (a girl I went to school with is starting a photography company and it's going to be dirt cheap!), and I've looked into a couple florists. We know where we're having the ceremony, but I feel like whenever I try to talk to my pastor it gets awkward. I'm not super worried about reserving that though because there aren't many people in my church that are going to get married anytime soon and worse comes to worse we can have the ceremony at the reception place. I also have an idea of what dj we're going to use. We're just doing hamburgers and hotdogs and cold salads (macaroni, potato, pasta) for food and a friend is probably going to do that for us. I've started looking into tablecloths and favor bags too. I'm really anxious to get started on my tissue pomanders and wishing ribbon board. My friends did say I shouldn't worry about decorating stuff til after I've reserved them.

I just know I'm a huge procrastinator and I'm worried if I wait too long, I'm going to be majorly stressing. Thank all of you for your words of encouragement!

XxKrazy4u

omg girl do you and i sound the same.  I have been dealing with the same thing from my mother and bridesmaids...and quite frankly, its none of their business of when you do anything. its not their concern.

i happen to work 2 jobs and we are paying for every penny ourselves,...so booking things early was imperitive so i knew what to budget for especially since the wedding is very big now and quite expensive.
i booked my venue, florist, photographer, videographer,offient, bought my dress, booked my DJ and picked out BM dresses. now i can sit back and worry about paying for it all. (paid all my vendors off already except for a portion i left for the day of) and all im focused on now is my balance of my reception place..and now i dont spend time wasted on big things.,..just the small details. its so much better this way and i am more then happy with how my planning is going.

i have bumped heads with my mother regarding when to buy my dress and with my BMs on who i am inviting. I had 2 bridesmaids drop out. both of whom are related to me....i had a lot of issues early on with opinions people just couldnt keep to themselves. i put my foot down and i guess that was too much for my cousins to take so they dropped out.

just remember its YOUR day, YOUR wedding, done YOUR way. I had to finally stop talking about my details with people because of the issues..it was driving my poor FI nuts too because i was so upset with other people butting in and making me feel like they had more control then i did. dont let anyone tell you when to do things, its your day.

arauchte

I completely understand.  I have been getting the same stuff too.  My friend is getting married in 4 months (BM still have not gotten their dresses) keeps making comments about how I have my wedding planned more than hers.  Its like I would rather get the big stuff out of the way so I'm not a crazy bride going out of her mind trying to do everything last minute.  I want to enjoy this time and I like to plan and get things done in advance (I have always been that way).  There is nothing wrong with getting stuff done ahead it means less stress for you because as the wedding approaches those last few months are going to be very hectic.

Tlongo

My mother is the same way.  I think some of this stems from how things were when my parents got married.  Their engagement was only about 9 months long, and I know my FPIL were about the same.  People from their generation may assume that things are exactly the same as it was 20-30 years ago. 

They don’t understand that a lot of the venues book up, photographers are hard to come by, some dresses may take 9+ months to arrive, etc.  Plus all the other details we need to plan for.  My mother mentioned she didn’t do STDs for their wedding so I imagine there are other things they didn’t do back then.  Then there is also the cost, I am sure they spent a decent amount of money back in the day but I think overall weddings are much more expensive now. 

Plus we are paying for most of ours ourselves.  So I would rather know up front what things will cost me PP said.    -  Now I feel like I am venting

krystalstovall

Hun I have people saying that too. But the way I feel is that if we get started now we won't get down to like 3 months to go and have a list a mile long we have to do. I think you should do it your way. And that way we don't have to stress the closer we get to our big days.

daftmagpie

I've booked our venue and ordered my dress because my designer is currently on a 6-8 month order schedule. I've also designed our save the dates and a few other little projects I know  wont change.

I've started a big scrap book like deal of cutouts and list of websites and ideas that I really like so I can start to trim it down and decide later on. This is mostly because I think oh I love that no wait i love that no wait.... you get the idea.

You should do things when you're comfortable with doing them and when it feels right. If you're prone to not being sure about decisions or change your mind 100 imes then you may want to put off some of the little details until later.

bndaidbuny414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-wrong-here-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:4d2db8b2-26e4-40af-bbd0-f1178819b254Post:adab2b74-4921-433e-b54d-e886bf55ea07">Re: Am I wrong here? *venting*</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother is the same way.   I think some of this stems from how things were when my parents got married.   Their engagement was only about 9 months long, and I know my FPIL were about the same.   <strong>People from their generation may assume that things are exactly the same as it was 20-30 years ago</strong>.   They don’t understand that a lot of the venues book up, photographers are hard to come by, some dresses may take 9+ months to arrive, etc.   Plus all the other details we need to plan for.   My mother mentioned she didn’t do STDs for their wedding so I imagine there are other things they didn’t do back then.   Then there is also the cost, I am sure they spent a decent amount of money back in the day but I think overall weddings are much more expensive now.   Plus we are paying for most of ours ourselves.   So I would rather know up front what things will cost me PP said.     -   Now I feel like I am venting :)
Posted by Tlongo[/QUOTE]

This has been one big thing with my mom. I mentioned something about the cake and she said "Well we just had pound cake, I mean why do you need fancy flavors? Why can't you just do pound cake?" or "We didn't have a flower girl or ringbearer, you don't need one."

daftmagpie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-wrong-here-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:4d2db8b2-26e4-40af-bbd0-f1178819b254Post:0717ab48-9c0f-42d9-881f-983cb4f2b019">Re: Am I wrong here? *venting*</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I wrong here? *venting* : This has been one big thing with my mom. I mentioned something about the cake and she said "Well we just had pound cake, I mean why do you need fancy flavors? Why can't you just do pound cake?" or "We didn't have a flower girl or ringbearer, you don't need one."
Posted by bndaidbuny414[/QUOTE]
Sounds like your mom may not be the best person to plan with which can be tricky if she's paying for the wedding. Might be best to put together a wish list of things you HAVE to have and that really matter. Then negotiate or let her plan the other things.

Glambride09

Oh my...I am totally in the same boat.  My mom was excited when we got engaged but that was the end of it.  Now it's just "why do you have to have that" and "what do you need that for"  about EVERYTHING.  I agree with PP that it's mostly a matter that times have changed and she doesn't understand that weddings are a bit more involved than they were in 1975.  I feel like I'm the only one really excited at the present time.  Total bummer but that's why I come on here and vent with you girls

gpapale1

I have a LOT of projects on my DIY list, and I know that I need to space them out over the whole planning process so (a) I don't wait until the last minute like I do with everything else and (b) so I can buy them a little of a time and not take $ away from our main budget (i.e. I buy wedding-related things with my normal spending money instead of things like clothes, shoes, etc.  I really don't want to be hotgluing ANYTHING the night before my wedding.  I'm also only organized when I stick to a set list or schedule, so doing things this way also assures me that nothing will be overlooked.  No one has said anything to me yet, but if they do, I will "politely" explain that it's my wedding (and my $!) so I can plan and do things however I wish.  Hmph!

bndaidbuny414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-wrong-here-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:4d2db8b2-26e4-40af-bbd0-f1178819b254Post:e44524ac-2beb-4bfd-ad84-2bac4dc0530d">Re: Am I wrong here? *venting*</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I wrong here? *venting* : Sounds like your mom may not be the best person to plan with which can be tricky if she's paying for the wedding. Might be best to put together a wish list of things you HAVE to have and that really matter. Then negotiate or let her plan the other things.
Posted by daftmagpie[/QUOTE]

My parents aren't paying for anything. Well, they've said they'll help as much as possible, so I haven't even budgeted any money from them in.

angelsong21

I second what everyone else has already said, so I don't have too much to add here.  All I know is that it depends on the person having to do the planning as to when you should be doing all these things, and for me, I'm having to do them NOW, which seems early to my parents and my FILs.  However, I'm a full-time student and don't have time to do this after the fall semester starts.  My florist also made a good point -- she said she is already booking up for 2012 and feels like perhaps many people waited to get married since the economy has been bad.  Things have started to look up a bit so perhaps there are even more people scheduling, so the time to do this stuff really IS now.  Go with your gut and do things on your timeline.

S0095042

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-wrong-here-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:4d2db8b2-26e4-40af-bbd0-f1178819b254Post:07cad2ee-1271-4e77-9021-207c1410c3ed">Re: Am I wrong here? *venting*</a>:
[QUOTE]I second what everyone else has already said, so I don't have too much to add here.  All I know is that it depends on the person having to do the planning as to when you should be doing all these things, and for me, I'm having to do them NOW, which seems early to my parents and my FILs.  However, I'm a full-time student and don't have time to do this after the fall semester starts.  <strong>My florist also made a good point -- she said she is already booking up for 2012 and feels like perhaps many people waited to get married since the economy has been bad</strong>.  Things have started to look up a bit so perhaps there are even more people scheduling, so the time to do this stuff really IS now.  Go with your gut and do things on your timeline. :)
Posted by angelsong21[/QUOTE]
 
This is a good point and it makes sence...I've ran into several people who have already started booking as well.

toothpastechica

a friend made a comment to me about how much i already have planned, but since it falls on a long weekend next year, and im in school full time in september-april i am trying as hard as i can to have EVERYTHING planned before the summer is over. I know theres prolly going to be a few last minute things near the end, but as much as i can do now i am doing. In fact we booked our honeymoon last night, and are happy we did since we are taking a cruise and it was the last suite of the pricepoint we wanted available! I have my dress, my bridesmaids dresses, colors, invitations, venue, etc already. As far as a lot of things right now is the best time to look since its the same styles (or flowers at garden venues, or weather) as it will be next year so anything like shoes and accessories for spring are easily available right now, and i wouldnt want to wait till next spring because trying to do that all in a month would stress me out! Also lots of places will give you good pricing if you book earlier. :)

rencontrezmoi

I was making pomanders the other day, and my future-in-laws (who FI and I live with) looked at me like I was nuts when I told them they were for the wedding. His mom was like "You're making them already?" It's so annoying when people say things like that! I just want to tell them all to get off my back lol. I have basically just stopped telling people things about the wedding because of all the negativity. So I totally get where you're coming from. I keep telling myself that once we get under the year mark, people will start to be more excited for us.