Well then.....

Malibu2370

FI just totally caught me off guard. He’s now saying he wants a wedding much smaller than what we have and far more ‘simple’ than what we have. He doesn’t want him or anyone else in a tux but has decided on kakis and polo shirts instead and says then I can just get a regular white dress and we’ll save money and it will be more relaxed and all that……

Oh and we’re to cut the guest list too.

I’m all about simple, and maybe even cutting the guest list… but I’ve wanted a stunning white dress since I’ve been a little girl, we already have half our decorations decided on and none of it really fits the ‘simple’ theme he’s now saying he wants. I know 99.9999999% of the reason he’s saying this is to save money but I don’t really see it saving any money nor do I see myself really happy with this kind of wedding. I’m not high maintenance by any stretch of the imagination BUT I do insist on having a wedding dress… not just a white dress. There’s a difference to me. I’ve been very happy with everything so far and he’s said he was happy with it too and just now out of nowhere he doesn’t want it.

I know I’m probably over reacting just a tad but I’m ready to cry…. I want this to be the perfect day for both of us but the idea of just being in a ‘regular white dress’ breaks my heart. That’s not at all what I’ve envisioned the last 24 years.

FutureMrsSheeler

Sit down and talk with him about what you see your wedding looking like, and how important a the dress is to you. I am sure he will see that it means a lot to you. Maybe you can meet in the middle and get suits, have your dress, and have simple, yet elegant decor.

Pod0512

Ditto FMS.  I think you've just been caught off guard.  You just need to have an honest discussion about what is important to both of you for your wedding.  Just say what you said here, I'm sure your FI will be understanding.  You can have a beautiful dress and still have a simple wedding. 

Lissa1213

I agree with Sabrina.

Just explain to him that this is one day that you have dreamed about all your life and don't want to regret "going simple" later on

klw0022

Yeah sometimes the FI and even we stress out and want to change things thinking it'll be less costly or easier, when really it's your ONE DAY and you want to make it the best and easiest for both of you, GL girl!

Luv4law07

  I can only imagine your pain and frustration.  I'd be right there with you.  I agree with the girls, let him know how you feel.  I'm sure that he'll come around.  Do an excel spreadsheet or write it out, how you can still do it the old way, cutting costs and get the wedding of your dreams with him being happy at the same time.

audreyjem

Give him a little bit of time. He's probably getting stressed over the budget, but he'll come around. I would give it a few days, as he might be irrational about it now if he's just made the decision, but maybe over the weekend sit him down and explain that a simple wedding won't cut the buget much. The only way to significantly cut the budget is my lowering the guest count. If you're comfortable with that, use that as leverage to make a compromise. If not, tell him how you feel, this day is the culmination of years of dreaming! And regardless of the other choices, you should defintely get your dress!

Mona8

I agree with everyone else. It's your day and his day, and you should both be happy with it

Malibu2370

thank you, again! I had to call him to talk about it... it was killing me.

Turns out the reason he went a little crazy was because he heard me talking about the dress I wanted.... the $1,200 Maggie Sottero dress. Now, not to knock anyone for how much they spent on their dress, to each their own, but I could NEVER spend that much on one dress... yes it's a big day but i'd rather spend half and invite a bunch more friends to the wedding than have a dress that cost that much... despite how much I'm in love with it.

He never heard me mention finding the knock off dress for less than half of that, and/or waiting till it was on sale to buy it for less. He was probably in shock when he heard how much the dress cost (serves him right for listening in on my conversation!! lol).

Anyways, he figured if we switched the wedding to a more laid back theme I could find a dress for under $200-$300 (DB has some) and still look just as nice and have a more comfortable wedding.

I was able to explain to him that the dress I want at the moment from DB is only $400 and who knows what the situation will be in September when I go to actually buy the dress but I reassured him that I was not trying to spend anything over $500 on a dress and that even if we changed the whole theme of the wedding it still wouldn't cut the cost *that* much.

I even went over the guest list with him and we realized we could really only cut 4 people without regretting it so that wont be changing.

I also assured him I'd be going through all the DIY stuff I could find to see where else we could save money by using a little elbow grease....

S0095042

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_well-then?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:5fb5520d-7ca6-46d0-903d-8270e773fc3fPost:4b77b9f2-4b61-449e-bf7d-b4ba85f7c5b7">Re: Well then.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Sit down and talk with him about what you see your wedding looking like, and how important a the dress is to you. Posted by FutureMrsSheeler[/QUOTE]

Talk about what he is envisoning and considers a "must have" then tell him yours. That's how we went about setting the size, etc.

angelsong21

I'm so sorry -- I can understand why you'd be so upset.  I have a feeling this is a conversation FI and I are about to have as well, and there's nothing I love more than being blindsighted...

Seriously though, PP all have great suggestions to take a deep breathe then talk to him and let him know how you feel.  Surely there is a compromise in the middle of all of this that you both will be happy with.  Keep us updated.

cryssylee90

FI wanted the same thing for the same reason. I easily get over emotional and have been under so much stress these days the second he suggested it I started crying. After calming me down I just explained to him that for him the cost is the biggest aspect and I understand that but these days it feels I hardly have control over anything and I want just one thing to go the way Ive imagined. I told him this is something Ive dreamed about for a long time. We comprimised. I cut the guest list down to 130 people and picked a cheaper reception venue that I loved just as much as my original choice. And Im happy with what were doing now. It feels more intimate but still very elegant.

Pod0512

Glad to hear it's all working out, Malibu!

Luv4law07

I'm so happy that you were able to work that out

Malibu2370

Thank you!

You all had great advice and I took everything into consideration - other than the "give it a little time" (I'm not very patient incase you couldn't tell lol)
He's usually very reasonable and once he finally said the dress was the issue it all made sense. He even said he didn't really want to change it he just didn't want me to go crazy with the spending money and feeling like I had to have this kind of wedding because of him and his family (his siblings have all had crazy big weddings). He also said that he would be happy with a backyard party if it helped financially but that ultimately what we have planned so far is his dream wedding too.

audreyjem

Glad you worked it out! And you never know...
I found my maggie sottero at a sample sale.
for $200.
for a dress worth well over $1000.
and I wasn't even looking! I just came across it and it's the one!

Malibu2370

That's awesome Audrey! I really hope something like that works out for me....

Tha's a beautiful dress btw