May 2012 Weddings

Update on BM DRAMA - kinda long

As you remember from my OP about BM3 - she hadn't ordered her dress yet and was complaining about not having the money, she had known since October/November, etc.

I went for a manicure at the shop in Walmart last Thursday and I seen BM3 in there shopping. I turned and went the other way. I called my consultant from DB and asked if she had ordered yet and she said no, but she would call her because deadline was coming up. When my DB Consultant called me back, she said BM3 told her she just got out of the doctors office and didn't have anything with her to order the dress, debit card or whatever. That she would call her back and order by the weekend. 
FIRST- I was so frustrated she lied to her! I just seen her in Walmart! Shopping! WTH?!

Today is the last day to order for my dresses to be here in time to be altered. I sent an email to all my BM yesterday with info on hair makeup and so forth, and asking them to confirm with me their dresses were ordered and if not today was the last day. 
She immediately called me but I didn't answer. She texted me saying "Obviously, you and the lady at DB are on a different page bc she told me I could order next week." So I replied "I just got off the phone with her and to be here in time for alterations, today is the last day." She said, "well I guess I'm too late :/" I said, "It's ok, I understand you have a lot going on." She said, "I really wanted to be apart of it tho." I said, "It's out of my control now, sorry." And that was it. 

At this point, I am done with our friendship, and it may seem harsh, but she didn't have to lie to the DB girl, then lie to me to try and make me feel bad. On top of that, I recently found out some shady things she done when FI and I first got together. No love lost.

Thank you all for listening and for your support. I hope no one else has to deal with this.
Now I am down to 3 BM and we cut a GM last night (that was also complaining about renting a tux/suit)

Stress free from here on! 
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Re: Update on BM DRAMA - kinda long

  • S0095042S0095042 member
    500 Comments
    edited February 2012
    I'm curious as to how things change during the course of wedding planning. We (as Brides and FIs) ask people to be in our wedding parties, let them know MONTHS in advance about what they are expected to pay for / offer to help pay for those who are struggling / give people an easy way out to just be a guest w/out hard feelings...

    and then when it comes time to order their dress/tux (or whatever) they act like it's a total surprise (even though you've sent a few reminders periodically and everyone had agreed on the price) they think they should have more time...or that you should give them more $$... I just don't get it. Then when you even brooch the subject you're a 'bridezilla'...go figure

    I'm glad things ended up working out for you (and you're comfortable with the outcome)...it's funny how 'real colors' emerge during a wedding, isn't it? lol
    Anniversary
  • I agree with PP. Weddings seem to change people and it really makes things more stressful on the bride and then everyone thinks we become "bridezillas." Glad there is no heard feelings and you are okay with the decision! Sorry it happened!
  • Maybe she's having financial trouble and is too proud to say anything or maybe her life is turned upside down and you don't know. There is more to life than your one day. Was it irresponsible and inappropriate for her not to be open about not ordering the dress? Yes. Does she owe you anything? No.
    Married since May 12, 2012
  • Sometimes I think just a friend getting married is more stressfull then people realize....its asking for that relationship to change in some way to accomidate the fact that that friend will never be single again, and it can feel like they are losing a friend and might try and sub-contiously sabatoge even thier best of friends. Its unfortunate, If you really cared about this person as a friend I would try and have coffee or something with her after the wedding and just say" Hey, how are you, whats going on for you". I do also think sometimes as brides its easy to overlook what our friends are going through, I had a bit of bridesmaid drama, but when I had a chance to really talk to her, I realized that she has some other major things going on in her life, and even though I was being fair with my expectations (that she come to the rehersal), she was having family problems and that was a bigger issue to her at this point in time then my wedding, and I just had to choose how I was going to react. Maybe not ordering the dress was the only way she felt she could step down while saving face  (since she was trying to convince you that she was under the impression she had more time). People are strange when it comes to weddings, maybe a few months after a coffee date will be a better time to talk about hurt feelings, or relationship issues with friends then during the middle of the chaos.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_update-on-bm-drama-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:987e0753-a737-44aa-823e-38303d1dbf4aPost:2e2ee621-f661-4f9b-830b-d4c0bfe6bb28">Re: Update on BM DRAMA - kinda long</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe she's having financial trouble and is too proud to say anything or maybe her life is turned upside down and you don't know. There is more to life than your one day. Was it irresponsible and inappropriate for her not to be open about not ordering the dress? Yes. Does she owe you anything? No.
    Posted by Flowerstar1023[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have asked her several times if she needed to sit out, I was fine, I wouldn't be upset that I understood. She always said she was fine, and she'd let me know. She is dealing with other things, but those of course, have no relevance to her missing the deadline to order her dress, especially since she had 5 months to do so.</div><div>There is more to life than my one day - yes, but we all agreed on dresses, prices and DB set a deadline date. What's so hard to comprehend about that? And this day is MINE and my FIANCE's. It's be beginning of the rest of our life together as a married couple. It's a big deal to me. </div><div>I don't recall saying she owed me anything. But if you realize you can't be apart of it, speak up, I have a lot weighing on her decison i.e. finding a replacement, or cutting a groomsmen, ordering gifts, flowers, jewelry etc. </div><div>
    </div>
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