ugh more problems!!! why won't this stop??!! (Long. Vent)

XxKrazy4u

UGHHHHH LADIES!! HELP! BRIDE DOWN BRIDE DOWN!!!
i seriously am having some of the worst and annoying wedding related BS i am dealing with...its driving me seriously insane!!Ugh i cant even formulate sentences right now i am getting so angry.

So... the latest in Donna Drama land comes in the form of the shower ...AGAIN... now...i took the advice of some people on here and im not micromanaging things anymore...actually...i havent micromananged anything wedding related. i am doing all my planning pretty much myself with my FIs help. He has been super supportive.
From the getgo...my mother has been a PITA with the planning and throwing in her 2 cents. Finally once she saw my plans she backed off...so crisis 1 avoided. Plus she isnt paying for any of my wedding so her say to me really doesnt matter. i know its terrible but seriously...its our wedding not hers.
2nd- i went through drama trying to get the dress i wanted. Mom promised to buy it and spent my wedding dress money on a vacation. she did finally give me a downpayment after i kind of freaked on her since i didnt budget for the dress becaue she offered to pay for it.
3rd...not one but 2 of my cousins bailed as BMs. This caused WW3 with my family...so bad to the point that my father ODed on pills and got locked up in a mental hospital for 2 weeks...my mother said it was all my fault...mind you...i live in another state...havent been including her in my planning but did vent to her about being upset my cousins dropped...especially since one of them used money as her excuse after i offered to pay for everything...i then found out she was in 2 wedding other then mine...which came after my engagement and after i asked her and she accepted.

fast forward...1 month since that drama subsided....my MOH  decided to start planning my shower. one of my BMs who is a close friend has these crazy plans apparently...to the tune of 3K for a weekend which will involve my shower and my bachelorette party...

problem 1- she wants to throw it in November...(too early IMHO)
problem 2- no one has that sort of money
problem 3- its been pretty much planned because this BM wants to stay there...nevermind me...plus is inviting HER OWN FRIENDS..

um....NO...no.no.no. Im getting a little pissed off..1 -because i shouldnt even know about this and 2- because when has this ever been about my opinion? i know i should have no part in the planning... we would be staying at a mansion or something because she said she would never get to do this otherwise...plus...my bachelorette would consist of sitting in this mansion and doing nothing...the place costs 3 grand....3 effing grand...is she INSANE!

seriously...just get me some half naked men..some wine...and music and im good. to ask my other 5 girls to pay 500-700 bucks just for my shower and bachelrette is just nuts.

my MOH is freaking because the other BM is overstepping her boundaries...my BM is dead set on this house regardless ofprice...and they both keep calling and bugging me and i told them to leave me out of it several times.

UGH...HELP!

S0095042

1: I'm sorry things aren't going as you wanted and that your family is in havoc   I hope that things work out with your father, but there is no way that you are responsible for your dad's od...maybe your mom is just looking for someone to blame and you are the easiest target....Either way, I'm sorry she and your family is causing you extra stress...wedding planning is stressful enough.

2: As for the shower:
Unfortunately it's not up to you when then bridal shower is... November is not too early if that's when they want to do it...it's 6 months out from the wedding,  is a bit earlier then typical but not so early that it's inappropriate...it'll be fine It's not like they are wanting to do it now...

3: You are right about it being too early for the bachelorette party...that shouldn't happen until much closer...tell your MOH you think it's too early to do the bachelorette


4:Don't worry about the cost of the party...if they are willing to spend 3k then it's fine. Only get involved if a BM comes to you telling you they can't pay...but I think once she tells all the other BM then they will readjust the cost

***Step back and breath. Focus on the wedding and not the other activites...things will shake out.***

Mona8

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this! I can definitely relate when it comes to the mom issues. My mom has been throwing in her 2 cents as well and making me feel bad about every single decision I make- to the point where I end up in tears almost every time anything WR is brought up. I haven't really learned how to "fix" this problem but I think I have learned to stop paying attention to all the negative comments. I tell her as little as possible now while still trying to include her (it's a thin line to walk!). 

I'm sorry about what happened with your dad and cousins, but like  S0095042 said- it's not your fault.

I also agree that you might not want to fight the battle over your shower. Although 6 months is a bit early, it could be worse and you might just want to give in and save your energy.

3 grand does seem like alot, but I would have your MOH and other BMs speak with the BM who wants to get the house and let them handle it. You shouldn't have to! If they can't afford it then they should let the BM know it just isn't possible. They can also explain to her that this isn't what you would want and that November is far too early for a bachlorette. If it's 5 against 1 and they all refuse to go then it won't happen, right?

The one thing that helps me get through wedding chaos is reminding myself that at the end of the day, no matter what, I'll be marrying the man I love. I know this is all very frustrating and upsetting, but at the end you'll still be getting married 

I hope things start getting better

Tlongo

As PPs say you don't need to be stressing out about this stuff.  I would hate to have to be running interference between BMs about this stuff.  This is supposed to be enjoyable for you and not about them.  I would talk to the BM and explain that it is a group decision between her and the other BMs. 

Sucks that your cousin bailed on you.  Not cool that she accepted two other weddings after accepting yours.  Maybe you can talk to her and the MOH and explain that she is going to be busy with 2 other weddings and might not be able to help as much as possible.  I know how important it is to have family in the wedding party and that it can be disappointed when they bail out. 

GL to you I hope it all works out for you.

XxKrazy4u

thanks ladies...couldnt agree with u more. wish my MOH would stop calling so much...she has tried telling the other BM that its just too expensive..she wont listen. so instead i get stuck in the middle of everything...having to put out fires everywhere.  i finally snapped and got really kind of bitchy and said look...here are my suggestions. im done. my MOH keeps saying dont stress out but can they not see that this is adding more stress i dont already need. 
My MOH keeps telling me that my other BM isnt taking into consideration anyones opinion but hers...not even what i want. or would want. instead , somehow...now im the bad person in all this.

my MOH said to my BM look...there are 5 others in the wedding party..no one can afford this...to which my BM said... well im just going to have to tell Donna that she cant have what she wants then....
so when i heard this i was like...wait wait wait...who the hell said this is what i wanted to begin with. i would NEVER ask them to spend that on me. NEVER. yet even with everyone rejecting the idea she will not back down. makes me think that shes only really concerned about herself and none of the other girls or me.

FutureMrsSheeler

I am so sorry you're going through all of this! That is wrong of your cousins to drop out without being honest, and such. And no, your dad's o.d. is not your fault, that is terrible for her to blame you. I agree, she was probably just looking for the closest person to blame, but it is still not right.

As far as the shower goes, maybe you could bring up that since it is close to the holiday season, your BM's will not have a lot of money, and maybe after the new year when everyone seems to have some more money would be a better time, that way she could still have the shower and bachelorette party close together.

XxKrazy4u

Tlongo- the cousin who bailed out is definately out of the wedding and is the one in 2 other weddings  (amanda) ...she didnt want to be a part of mine but instead of being truthful about it saying she was in friends weddings...she told me i was being ungratious etc. i have a long email i got from her out of the blue..then she completely deleted me out of her life...facebook and everything. i dont even speak to her anymore because she refuses to talk to me and i cant figure out WTF i did to make her drop out all of the sudden. my guess is she knows what she is doing is so wrong and cant face me..i had 2 cousins in the wedding originally (nicole and amanda)..Nicole kept going back and forth about being in and out due to money.

the whole issued stemed from having them come to long island to get dresses. I just booked a limo for us to go get dresses next month and wine tasting. but they didnt want to come out to get the dresses (mind you they dont even live that far from me) ive bent over backwards for them throughout life. i asked for one simple thing. come to Long island, get fitted and i would put the DP on the dress,.
  Finally i offered to pay for Nicole completely because i was getting so tired of the BS. she so far is back in ,,,,Amanda like i said is out...wont speak to me etc. it really is BS. I dont get people sometimes. im working my ass off for this wedding to make it happen....people are really disappointing me with their laziness and excuses,

XxKrazy4u

not to mention i work 2 jobs and im literally running myself into the ground. if i would have known..i would have eloped. LOL people in my family...like my grandfather is inviting his friends and stuff...where do people get off having the balls to do that anyway...i feel bad because its my Grandpa...but enough is enough...especially at $110 bucks a plate. i think my family thinks i have a money tree somewhere,

Tlongo

Most people dont seem to know what goes into the wedding, time and money wise. Eloping seems so much easier some times, lol. I hope things get easier for you with out all this extra stress. Sent you a PM by the way.