My fiance and I originally made the decision that we will be having an adults only (i.e. 18 and older) ceremony and reception, because (i) we only have a budget to accommodate 110-120 people max since we're paying for >95% of the wedding ourselves, and (ii) there are a few "children" on my dad's side of the family that I don't trust to behave well enough. The only problem with this is that some families have kids over 18, and some under. How do I deal with this???
I feel really bad cutting some of my cousins out, but I'm not really that close with the majority of them. I also feel bad because this cuts out all of the cousins on my FFIL's side, all of which I know would be well-behaved and respectful. (There are only 6 cousins on that side, but they will all still be under 18 for the wedding.) I told one of my FI's aunts on that side with 2 kids that it would probably be 18+ and I felt bad about not inviting her girls, but she said it was totally fine and I shouldn't feel bad at all. Can I expect the same understanding from my other guests with kids under 18?
In addition, one of my dad's brothers was "estranged" from the family for a long time because of a ridiculous family feud (I won't go into details), and I haven't been in contact with him (or his wife) for over a decade. However, I do talk to their kids (my cousins). Do I have to invite my aunt and uncle, or can I just invite their kids?
I keep going back and forth on the "rules" for the invites, so my question is: what rule can I use to cut guests across the board fairly and not feel bad? I know there is definitely going to be someone that feels ousted, I'm just trying to minimize the damage as much as possible...