May 2012 Weddings

To invite or not to invite--Help!

Okay, so I have a kind of complicated situation.  I know I haven't posted much recently, what with finshing my senior year and all, but I have been lurking, so I still feel like I know what's going on with everyone!  Anyways...the issue.  I'm pretty sure things like this just happen when you're engaged for over a year.

Okay, so there's these two people, we'll call them P and K.  FI and P have been friends for a while, and he was always on the guest list.  P and K dated for a few years, broke up for a few months, then started dating again and were dating when we sent out STDs in September, but we followed all the etiquette rules and only sent it to P's address with K's name on it.  I had never even talked to K until about September, she was always just a friend of a friend.

Anyways, fast forward to currently.  We're about to send out the invites in about a week, and P and K broke up again about a month ago.  And now I don't know what to do, because I still don't really know K, but I had a conversation a couple weeks ago with her and a mutual friend from long time ago who said something like, "I can't believe you're getting married!  I saw your STD on K's fridge."  Ugh.  K has three roommates, and one of them is a friend of mine, and she is invited, so it's likely her STD, not P's.  But, still.  To make matters more complicated, I've ended up in scenarios recently where it's just the two of us (me and K) chatting for a while.  So, now I'm not really sure what to do.  Should I send her an invite, or just not and be okay if P still brings her (they're friends still, even though broken up) or what?  Our guest list has gotten so out of control that I selfishly want to not invite her, but I'm afraid that she already thinks she's invited and will be hurt if she's not.

Sorry if that was a little hard to follow... what would you do?
imageWedding Countdown Ticker
image 235 Invited
image 158 Attending
image 77 Missing Out
image 0! Not Replied
RSVP Date: April 25th

Re: To invite or not to invite--Help!

  • I think you should ask yourself whether you want K to be at your wedding or not. You might also consult FI to hear his thoughts. You say P & K are still friends, but if P will feel strange at all about K being there (and not as P's guest), then I would forget it.

  • I'm in a similar situation (kind of). We have some friends who were together when we sent out the STDs. So, we sent an STD (with the woman's name on it, the guy's name underneath) to their house. Now, we're about to send out the invitations & they are not together anymore. Since we did address the STD to both of them, we are sending both of them an invite. We are much closer with the woman, so we are assuming the man won't come, but you never know.

    I'd send an invite to both of them.

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  • If both their names were on the STD it would be pretty rude not to invite both of them. I'd do two seperate invitations and let them decide for themselves.  
  • Thanks, Ladies.  I'll ask FI, but I'm not sure if he'll have an opinion... haha.

    Also, if it makes any difference, the STD were postcards, and we wrote a note on each of them.  So, on P and K's, the address side just had P's name and address and then the other side said 
    P and K,
    [Note FI wrote to P that had nothing to do with K]
    Heart, me and FI

    So, it wasn't really sent to both of them.  It was sent to P with the indication that he could bring K as his date.
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    image 235 Invited
    image 158 Attending
    image 77 Missing Out
    image 0! Not Replied
    RSVP Date: April 25th
  • We been engaged for two years . We have so many friends that broke up got back together kinda single now...etc...we have g a hard time with the plus one. We taking it each situation seperately and hoping no one gets offended. Blah! So hard to figure out.
  • Did you invite this girl because she was dating a friend of yours, or invite her because she is a friend you wanted at your wedding who just happened to be dating your friend?

    Typically when you send a STD to a couple, such as your cousin and his GF, you otherwise wouldn't invite this girl, she is only being invited because she is dating your cousin. If they were to break up then you by etiquette *should* send her an invite however, she probably wouldn't RSVP yes, therefore it is okay to not send an invite because you extended the invite as your cousins date, and if they are not longer together its okay not to invite her.

    I would not invite her, unless you see her as a friend and want her there.
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  • I was always under the thought that if the name was on the STD, that automatically meant an invite, regardless of status change.  I could be wrong about this but, she may very well think she is still invited.  It's a very touchy subject because P & K may still be friends but, P might not want K at the wedding for personal reasons (cramp his style or something guyish like that)!  I think the best way to view this is...if you feel you have any kind of friendship with K, then you need to send her an invitation because not doing so could end the friendship.  If your interaction with her lies solely with who she was in P's life, and there is no friendship to risk losing, then I say you'd be ok to not invite her.  HTH
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