Feeling badly for FI, just a small vent.

radleyboo

FI and I are getting married on 6/15 and have been engaged since October.  Fi has an interesting relationship with his Dad.  He respects him and looks up to him for his business acumen and success, but on a personal level, they don't relate at all.  FFIL has a mail-order-bride (literally) and she creates an interesting dynamic between FI and FFIL. 

Anyhow, ever since we announced our engagement, everyone has been wonderful and supportive and sincerely happy for us.  My parents and FI's mom also offered small amounts of financial support, which we did not ask for, nor expect, so we are extremely humbled and grateful to them.  FI's Dad has said and done nothing.  We don't expect anything from him financially, but he's literally said nothing to us about the wedding, good or bad.  Finally last week, FI sent him an email to ask if they were even planning on coming, because I was working with the florist and needed to know if we needed to order a bout and coursage for them.  He got a short response saying they'd be there, the rest of the email went on about how he needed FI to come down and take down a chandelliere because they are selling their house. 

FI acts like it's no big deal, but I know he's hurt.  It's not my place to say anything to FFIL, and I won't.  I just keep pointing out how wonderful his sister and mom are, and how much my family loves him, and how excited everyone else is.  I just wish the old curmudgeon would snap out of it and say something nice to his son. 

Like I said, just a vent.  Hopefully I'm being supportive to FI and that his Dad and StepMom show up smiling on the wedding day.  Thanks for listening. 

Sue-n-Kevin

Sorry to hear his dad is such a sh!t. We can't change people, only the way we react to them. Sounds like you are trying to help him cope, and hopefully he is able to appreciate all the love from everyone else.

clg1213

I have a complex family.  It makes me appreciate FI even more....I think he's finally taught me how love can look (my family loves me, just not always in the way I need to be loved).  I bet your guy feels similarly.  Keep including his dad where needed (i.e. bouttenieres, ask FI if he wants dad to wait to sit right before the processional...) and just be there when he's a $%$%. 

Also, this may NOT be relevant, but it hit my head and I want to share.  I sometimes fear turning into some of my relatives and not loving the way I want to (i.e. making my love seem conditional).  I have found a lot of guys worry about turning into a dad who didn't show love well.  There's nothing you need to do about it, just know it might be in his head....and letting him know that he's an awesome partner, perhaps subtly adding in that he's not his dad (how subtle depends on the person)....