Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Sending invitations to people out of obligation and not the desire for their attendance.

My dilema is inviting my real father to my wedding.  This is my second wedding and I did the obligatory invitation for my first wedding and had him and my step-dad walk me down the aisle.  This time I will have my son walk me down the aisle.  I am struggling though about sending the invitation with no RSVP card - or sending the complete invitation and just hoping he doesn't show.  Any "proper" way to handle this? 

Re: Sending invitations to people out of obligation and not the desire for their attendance.

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_sending-invitations-to-people-out-of-obligation-and-not-the-desire-for-their-attendance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:15db512d-0cf3-4479-b05a-d9bef56f1ba1Post:26956af2-2d9a-4a65-a3f1-d05bd52619d1">Sending invitations to people out of obligation and not the desire for their attendance.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My dilema is inviting my real father to my wedding.  This is my second wedding and I did the obligatory invitation for my first wedding and had him and my step-dad walk me down the aisle.  This time I will have my son walk me down the aisle.  I am struggling though about sending the invitation with no RSVP card - or sending the complete invitation and just hoping he doesn't show.  Any "proper" way to handle this? 
    Posted by raidergal68[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>It's hard to comment on this because we don't know your relationship.  It sounds like you don't want him there.  If you invite him, you should do so expecting he will come.  If this will upset you, don't invite him.</div><div>
    </div>
  • Ditto JoanE.

    Not giving him an RSVP card will not prevent him from coming. He may still show up. If you don't want him there and he isn't a part of your life, you shouldn't have to invite him.
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  • I guess the key question for me is: Why are you sending it at all?  Is it because you want to let him know even though you don't really want him to attend?  If so, perhaps send something after the wedding. 

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you'd rather he didn't come, send an announcement after the wedding to him and not an invitation.  Sending him an invitation in any form means that you want him to come and need to plan accordingly.
  • I agree with PPs. We can't tell you whether or not to invite your dad.

    But I will say that if you send any invitation, with or without the RSVP card, you ARE inviting him. Traditionally, there was no RSVP card and people would respond on their own stationery. That has kind of gone the way of the past recently and RSVP cards are common, but it IS still inviting someone if you send them any invititation and no RSVP card. So if you don't want to invite him, just send an announcement after the wedding.


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  • MoxieMickieMoxieMickie member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited April 2013

    You aren't required to have any relationship with your birth father. You aren't required to pretend for his behalf that he has a precious place in your heart. I'm guessing from the fact that you haven't mentioned this that there is not family you are close to who is pressuring you to invite him or have a close relationship. If you don't want him to come, don't invite him and deal with whatever the consequences will be. You can tell him before or after the wedding by calling, meeting in person, writing a letter, or something less personal like a wedding announcement (even if he is the only one who gets an announcement - you can print nice ones at home.) Or, you can invite him and if he comes deal with however that will make you feel at your wedding.

    ETA: I'm sorry this is a difficult relationship. I was hoping this post was about inviting Aunt Mildred's college roommate.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sending an invitation without an RSVP card is passive aggressive and childish.  

    If you want him there, send him an invitation.  If you don't want him there, don't send one.  No one can make that decision for you.  
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