Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

My brother doesn't want to be a groomsman because his wife not a bridesmaid

I asked my brother to be a groomsman but he is refusing because his wife is not a bridesmaid.
My feance invited only her girlfriends to be bridesmaids. Are we supposed to invite his wife to be a bridesmaid?

Re: My brother doesn't want to be a groomsman because his wife not a bridesmaid

  • edited April 2013
    Sorry for the duplication
  • No, your FI is under no obligation to ask your brother's wife to be a bridesmaid.  My H has been in weddings that I have not been in and vice versa.  I'm sorry that your brother is being so unreasonable.
  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2013
    Ditto Libby.
    Your brother is beng unreasonable. Let him know that your FI's bridal party is her business and yours is your business. Call his bluff and say, "I'm sorry you feel that way but by fiancee's bridal party is chosen. I hope you'll still attend as a guest."

    ETA: clarity
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  • Nope, you dont have to have his wife as a BM. BM should be the ladies that are closest to the bride.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_my-brother-doesnt-want-to-be-a-groomsman-because-his-wife-not-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4a26a3a9-8200-4930-ab16-f5f24678cfa1Post:8d863b19-59df-44e7-a68a-3fcbf5cca6eb">My brother doesn't want to be a groomsman because his wife not a bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I asked my brother to be a groomsman but he is refusing because his wife is not a bridesmaid. My feance invited only her girlfriends to be bridesmaids. Are we supposed to invite his wife to be a bridesmaid?
    Posted by nomnom22[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>He's acting like a baby.  Tell him you'll see him at the wedding as a guest.</div><div>
    </div>
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Neither your brother nor his wife had any right to expect your fiancee to ask his wife to be a bridesmaid.  Tell him you look forward to seeing them as guests at your wedding.
  • Your brother is being rude and overbearing.  He has no place to dictate the composition of your fiance's wedding party.  That is a very personal decision that she will be making.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Your brother is being ridiculous.  I wonder though if there is a history of his wife being slighted by your family that may be fueling this.
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  • Unless every other "couple" in the bridal party are married to eachother, this is just dumb. None of our attendants are paired with their SO or spouse. It's a couple of really close friends and our siblings, only. Not inlaws.
  • Agree - your brother is wrong. He doesn't get to make demands on who's in your bridal party. Does he want to be in his sister's wedding -or not? Yes or no.  That's all he'd be getting from me as a response.
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  • Could you make them feel better by giving her a job like handing out programs as people go in to the ceremony?  I felt bad about not being able to include some people in our wedding party but have offered them other tasks to feel included.  
  • Maybe this would be a good chance for your fiancé to bond with the sister in law. If there is room maybe add her in. Chances are they will know each a lot longer then she may end up knowing some of her friends that are in the wedding party.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jennyandscott14 said:
    Maybe this would be a good chance for your fiancé to bond with the sister in law. If there is room maybe add her in. Chances are they will know each a lot longer then she may end up knowing some of her friends that are in the wedding party.
    Nobody should be added if the bond doesn't already exist.  I've read any number of horror stories about brides who added in bridesmaids at the request (no, demand) of their family, fiance and FILs, and the bridesmaids behave as though they never should have been added in the first place but can't be kicked out.

    Not only that, there is absolutely no reason why the SIL can't stand up with the groom if it's that important, and no one should be demanding that his/her spouse/SO have a place in the wedding party.  That's not a good foundation to form a bond on.
  • SandraSandra member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    If your brother refuses to be there by your side is his issue not yours. Your future wife is not obligated to ask her to be her bridesmaid.

    Tell him that you hope he attends to your wedding. Don´t pay his game. This is your party not his.

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