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SIL Input on Flower Girl Dresses

First off - sorry the the length.  Venting a little here.  

So I'm in a little bit of a situation with my sister-in-law/brother.  Their two wonderful daughters are the flower girls in my upcoming wedding.  I love my nieces, but they can be divas sometimes.  My mom found some adorable flower girl dresses.  I LOVED them.  She sent myself, my SIL and my sister pictures and we all agreed to purchase.  My mom bought them and brought them to my brother's when she was there to visit on the youngest's birthday.  The girls tried them on after a long day of birthday parties.  They were not happy.  They said the dresses were "scratchy."  So we nixed them.  I wouldn't want to be uncomfortable on the wedding day either, so I was fine with it.  

Well now we've been on the hunt for new dresses.  I know we have plenty of time, but the color I want is really a spring color so it's a good time to buy, as there will be lots of options.  The one thing I don't want are white flower girl dresses.  I've explained this to all involved.  
Regardless of my requests, my SIL keeps pushing for white dresses.  She has sent me pictures or links on three separate occasions of white dresses.  I've explained to her that's not the look I'm going for.  Now, today, my BROTHER emailed me white flower girl dresses that have a colored sash (an option I've already vetoed).  He is not the kind of guy who is browsing David's Bridal while at work, and I have no doubt those were dresses she found and told him to email me.  

I love my SIL.  She's wonderful, but she can be a little pushy.  I found 4 different options of dresses in my color scheme that have been vetoed by her now.  

The company that is making our bridesmaid dresses has one dress that would work great and they can dye it the same color as the BM dresses.  It is expensive ($150), but I'm kind of fed up.  Is it horrible to suggest these dresses?  I kind of want to have this over with, rather than debating it for the next 3 months.  Thoughts?  

Re: SIL Input on Flower Girl Dresses

  • If FSIL is paying I would ask her her budget before showing her the dress. 150 seems high for FG dresses to me, but every budget is different. If you are paying, I would just run them by her to make sure there are no strong objections. I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting white, as long as you respect her budget. You may have already tried this, but just in case, remember to check out NWR kids and department stores. I got a great deal on mine at Carter's.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    I wouldn't want to pay $150 for a flower girl dress. Why did she veto the other dresses?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • I think $150 is unreasonable to a flowers girls dress. Why not go to a department store, try a bunch on and find one there. I think you (and SIL) are making this too big of a deal. 

  • jdblnnjdblnn member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    To answer a few questions - 1) My mom is paying for the dresses. She actually picked out the $150 dresses.   2) SIL vetoed the other four options for a number of reasons 1st - she was not sure that it will look good on oldest niece (who is an average sized 7 year old); 2nd- she wasn't "in love" with the second option; 3rd- she thought they were fine but that we could find something better; and 4th- was too mature for the youngest (I totally understood that one).  This is in addition to the first dresses that were "scratchy."

    3) Sadly, a group shopping trip isn't an option as we don't live in the same state.  I did find one dress that was great and only $24 (a 5th option which I guess is still open).  I asked her to take the girls to try them on (they were at Macy's) sometime that week as it was part of a pre-Easter sale.  She still hasn't taken them and this was over a month ago.   

    I would have never even thought of suggesting the $150 dresses because of the price, but I've now gone through 6 different dresses that have been shot down.  I would love to put this issue to bed, but can't seem to get there.  My brother emailing me another white dress option today just really irked me! 
  • I had my 6 year old cousin as a bridesmaid in my wedding, and her mom is SUPER picky about what she wears, AND she has a very limited budget and couldn't afford the one dress we could both agree on. So eventually my mom said if we could find a pattern, she'd sew it and pay for everything. Since someone else was paying, my aunt decided she didn't care anymore about the style of the dress. I found a pattern I liked, a style I liked, and my mom made the dress for A LOT cheaper than the other dresses we'd looked at.

    Is there anyone who could sew a dress? Its your wedding, you pick the dress and the colors and to heck with everyone else's opinions. Tell your SIL she can put her girls in white dresses at Easter if she wants them to wear white so badly.

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  • I personally am having my FG wear a leotard like the ballet ones, it has capped sleeves and she'll wear tights under, and then her mom is making a tutu out of navy blue tule (our colors)...so white leotard, white tights, and navy tutu... total cost was about $30.  Kid can take the tutu off during the reception so she can run around and she can feel like a princess.  Very easy and simple.

    As far as your FG situation I would try and ask why they are being picky and not listening to your wishes.  Try to find some middle ground on the dresses.  When is your wedding and how crunched for time are you?
  • I would give them 2-3 choices, and tell them to pick which one they like best.  And, if she suggests white again, tell her "I appreciate your suggestion, but the color has already been decided". 
  • Does anyone in the family sew?   At this point I'd consider making the dress so it's a pattern you like in a fabric you like.

  • IMO SIL should only have input on the cut of the dress.  As their mom she should get the say on if something is too mature or not age appropriate (i.e. I personally think spaghetti straps are a no, floor length is a no, etc.).  your mom is paying so she gets to decide the price point.  Everything else (color, style, cut beyond any restrictions she put) is your call.

    I like PPs suggestion of giving her a list and saying "these are the choices.  pick one." 

    I'd also see if maybe the girls trying on the original dresses when they're in a better mood leads to different results or if maybe there's just a particularly itcy seam that can have a lining sewn in/over to make it more comfortable.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your wedding is not for 8 months, it's way too early to be buying dresses for two children, the oldest of which is 7.  You have no idea what sizes they will wear by the time your wedding rolls around.

  • Thanks for the feedback and great ideas!  Hadn't thought of DIY.  Great idea!
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil-input-on-flower-girl-dressesrant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ee4795f9-5724-4cbf-94be-760b3224624aPost:ceb0a65b-78e5-4607-9817-d01a1186803e">Re: SIL Input on Flower Girl Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE] Its your wedding, you pick the dress and the colors and to heck with everyone else's opinions. Tell your SIL she can put her girls in white dresses at Easter if she wants them to wear white so badly.
    Posted by beautiflaw[/QUOTE]

    I know the topic has to do specifically with FG dresses, but I don't agree with this statement regarding weddings in general.  I don't think that philosophy really works out when other people have to pay for items that they then have to wear all day.  It sucks to be a BM and feel uncomfortable in the dress you are wearing in front of everyone and in pictures.

    OP, have you or your SIL considered letting the FG's pick out their own dresses, as long as they aren't white?  Also, ditto a PP but you are about a year away from your wedding- probably not a good idea to buy FG dresses now, when more than likely they won't fit in 8 months.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."

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