Regrets

ashleemeredith

Background about me that would help this post make sense is that I am a Photographer mostly of portraits but I do the occasional wedding.

I know that the end result of a wedding is that you are married, and I absolutely love my husband and our little girl but...... There are so many things I wish I could change about our actual wedding. Most of the things that annoy me have everything to do with someone else telling me how it should be, what the proper things to do are, and to think about what my very modest grandparents might think.

I had people at my wedding who were friends of my parents that had never actually met me, and I'm paying for their extreamly expensive meal!

The dress my mother agreed to pay for represented me more as a young girl and not as a grown woman, so I wish I would have been able to at least try some other dresses to see what I really loved.

I wanted a sunset in the garden wedding so I could have lights and lanterns in the trees, but the grandparents had to drive home after and didn't want to be out after dark so it ended up at noon.

I am not close with my brother and never have been and my husband isn't real fond of him either because he continues to make the same mistakes over and over again. But I was required to have him be a groomsman because it was traditional and we can't hurt his feelings. I was also required to have the same number of bridesmaids as there were groomsmen, but guess what, I don't have close girl friends, all my close friends are standing behind the groom because they happen to be guys. My last grip is the photographers, my brother got married before me and used these people and their pics looked good so they were hired for our wedding too. But they were rude and snotty and never on time with any of our stuff and our pictures didn't turn out as good, and being a photographer myself the pictures were the most important part for me  :0(

I see all these ideas about colors and flowers, and favors and I can't help but wish I could have been allowed to really do everything our way without getting kick back.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_regrets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:07c8daf2-c4af-4591-a61c-43b0d40c425aPost:faca5d0e-71ba-49d2-ae58-e16099e87c76">Regrets</a>:
[QUOTE]Background about me that would help this post make sense is that I am a Photographer mostly of portraits but I do the occasional wedding. I know that the end result of a wedding is that you are married, and I absolutely love my husband and our little girl but...... There are so many things I wish I could change about our actual wedding. Most of the things that annoy me have everything to do with someone else telling me how it should be, what the proper things to do are, and to think about what my very modest grandparents might think. I had people at my wedding who were friends of my parents that had never actually met me, and I'm paying for their extreamly expensive meal! The dress my mother agreed to pay for represented me more as a young girl and not as a grown woman, so I wish I would have been able to at least try some other dresses to see what I really loved. I wanted a sunset in the garden wedding so I could have lights and lanterns in the trees, but the grandparents had to drive home after and didn't want to be out after dark so it ended up at noon. I am not close with my brother and never have been and my husband isn't real fond of him either because he continues to make the same mistakes over and over again. But I was required to have him be a groomsman because it was traditional and we can't hurt his feelings. I was also required to have the same number of bridesmaids as there were groomsmen, but guess what, I don't have close girl friends, all my close friends are standing behind the groom because they happen to be guys. My last grip is the photographers, my brother got married before me and used these people and their pics looked good so they were hired for our wedding too. But they were rude and snotty and never on time with any of our stuff and our pictures didn't turn out as good, and being a photographer myself the pictures were the most important part for me  :0( I see all these ideas about colors and flowers, and favors and I can't help but wish I could have been allowed to really do everything our way without getting kick back.
Posted by ashleemeredith[/QUOTE]

<div>How long ago was this wedding? I think you'll find this feeling fades - both just as time passes and also as you learn how to stand up for yourself, cut the purse strings, and do what you actually want to do and is best for you. (You're a married woman with a child. The time for that last part is now.)</div>

ReturnOfKuus

I avoided this by not caving to family pressures.  I'm sure I'd feel the same way if I hadn't.

That said, if I could do it over, I'd have served the prime rib rather than the chicken.

tawillers

Did your parents pay?  If so, your feelings sound normal for someone whose parents paid for the wedding and ended up with a majority of the say of how things were planned.

It sucks, but as DG said, the feelings will eventually fade.  In the end, all that matters is that you and the person you love are married.

Maybe you can save up some money and do a vow renewal in a few years.  Plan everything the way you want and pay for it yourself.

zsazsa-stl

I have a few things that I would have changed if I had the day to do over, but those things do not cloud my memory of a wonderful day. 

Consider it a lesson in self assertion and resolve to spend the rest of your life without so much fear of offending others that you lose yourself in the process.

Wzz

start standing up for yourself and you might start feeling like a grown woman versus a little girl. being assertive will help you in life in general, not just with wedding planning. let your little girl see that women are strong people who don't let others influence them to make bad decisions.

fmbyo

I would have had a day-of coordinator. I took on way too much. I also would have picked a different dress, though the one I wore I love - because it will always remind me of the day I married the man I love.

Just focus on the positive. If you're still devastated in 10 years have a vow renewal and tell everybody to STFU.