MIL + guest list ?

Lyds85

Three months ago my MIL, SIL, and FI's cousin called to let me know they were throwing me a bridal shower. they asked kind of what i wanted. I said wow thats so sweet! just a simple party at someones house would be great. just about 15 people. Ok great... passed off my guest list of about 20-25 people tops.

fast forward to now (a month before the bridal shower) FI's cousin drops off a small box. she gave me thank you cards that match the bridal shower invites and the list of people who were invited. I look at the list of people and noticed there were a lot of people... and realized that my MIL added to my list. i went through the list and counted FIFTY PEOPLE!! 15 of these people i was not even planning on inviting to our wedding (as i have not met them they are distant relatives of FI). As we all know, its a huge faux paus to invite people to your shower but not to the wedding. the shower invites have already been sent out so i cant say anything. 

When we first started writing our guest list out for the wedding, we decided to keep it at about 80-90 people. we are now already at 120. If i add these people that is now nearly 140 people. holy crap!!! i know that not everyone will come but we were really trying to keep it under 100 people. Should i just add these people to the guest list and hope some people just dont come? (Thats extra $ to add to our expenses... ) What should i do in this situation?

(My MIL means well and i really appreciate her throwing me a bridal shower. but holy crap... 50 people?)



 

Lyds85

Maybe i should just invite the extra people who actually come to my shower?

CandCWedding2013

Personally if the people not invited to the wedding ask I'd say 'sorry we're trying to keep it small but that you so much for coming to the shower it means a lot to me.' and leave it at that. Unless your MIL is paying for the wedding she doesn't get a say on the guest list. 

DG1

Did your MIL know the part about the small guest list? Was this her sneaky way of getting extra people onto the wedding invite list? 

Also - has she already invited these people to the shower? If not, please bring this directly to her and ask her not to. (I appreciate the shower, you're very generous, blah blah.) 

And yes, adding 40 people to a 100-guest wedding is going to make a HUGE difference, most importantly on the budget. Feeding people is expensive.

Lyds85

I'm sorry I meant that overall it is about 15 people she is addig to the wedding guest list. She added 25 to bridal shower some were invited to the wedding but I wasnt inviting them to the shower This was TOTALLY her way of sneaking people on the wedding guest list. Those were people she had previously suggested but I cut back people and they didn't make the cut. I mean, we can probably manage the extra people. But mostly it just pissed me off. The bridal shower invites were already sent out by her and FI's cousin. They are either being mailed or already delivered. It's already done : Also just overall I didn't want a 50 person bridal shower. I wanted simple. This has turned into a 50 person party that she rented a hall for. Yikes...

Wzz

i wouldn't just invite these people to the wedding, no. your MIL was wrong for not going with the guest list you gave her.

if anything, i would definitely mention to MIL, or even have your FI mention to his mother, that the people invited to the shower were not on the wedding guest list, NOR WILL THEY BE on the wedding guest list, so hopefully they know that they won't be expecting a wedding invitation.

i mean, if you have the budget for the people, go ahead and add them, but if they didn't make the A list already, i wouldn't want to have them there at all. DG is right, 40 additional people is a huge difference.

i'm argumentative, though, and i would be adamant that these people weren't getting a wedding invite, and i would want MIL to let them know before they go out and buy shower gifts.

Wzz

"This was TOTALLY her way of sneaking people on the wedding guest list. "


^THIS^ is why i wouldn't send them wedding invites, regardless if it was 15 or 50.

i don't consider this a hill to die on, i just don't like being manipulated into doing things.

Lyds85

Yeah I think I will just stick to what I have. maybe if I get some RSVP no's then ill reconsider. I don't really want to confront MIL.

GBCK

people who get invites after RSVP no's are likely to know they're B list guests.

I'd figure that you either ignore it or your FI (because it's HIS mom, FFS), says "mom, we think the shower you're throwing for Lyds is great; blah blah, smalltalk, But to be clear, we won't be adding anyone to the guest list for the wedding, Aunt Suzy and her crew may not appreciate the shower invite since they won't be receiving a wedding invite"

Wzz

then why not just invite them now, instead of waiting since you're okay with them being invited at all?

Lyds85

oh yeah good point about the b list... hmm. aren't in-laws fun?! lol :P

Lyds85

I think I will have FI talk to her and let him figure it out. I don't even know the people she added...