Dear Prudie #1

TheMrsC23

There's no good title for this one.

Dear Prudie,
Recently, my partner's lifelong best friend and his wife were killed in a car accident, leaving us with custody of both of their children. They are two wonderful girls ages 4 and 2 and we love them dearly and are happy to have them. Both of them are comfortable with us since we spent a great deal of time together before their parents passed away, but we did not have any children of our own and we are taking a crash course in parenting. At this moment, I have two main concerns. One of them is that we are not sure how to help them understand what has happened. My partner and I are confirmed atheists, and although our friends were not seriously religious, they did have some spiritual beliefs and we are not sure whether they would want us to teach their daughters that they've gone to heaven or follow our own instincts to say that even though mom and dad loved them more than anything, they're simply not coming back. Another concern is that before this happened, my partner and I were trying to conceive a child of our own. We've decided it's best to hold off on this for a while because we believe it would be too much for the girls (and us at this moment) to handle after such a loss. How much time does it take for a child to adjust to such a thing? Should we give up on the idea at present?

—Suddenly Parents

Wzz

wow. this to me is a real issue, not a ridiculous one like how to get society to accept my intimate relationship with my brother sort of thing.

man, i am killing it with my grammar today.

NOLABridesmaid

I guess the parents didn't discuss this with them. I think they should  tell them what their parents would have told them if they were alive. They will find out as they get older what their guardians believe.

Counseling all around, I say.

GBCK

I give props to people who try to balance "this is what we are" with "this is what the parents would have wanted"

(This is one of the reasons bigsis will be guardian)

fmbyo

I'd tell them what I think parents would have wanted them to hear. And then yes, counseling for all. Although - how much can counseling help a 2 year old?

makemom

Are there grandparents in the lives of these little girls? Do they have strong feelings about the religious upbringing of these children? 

I would consider that, too.

Bless you for loving these little ones.

AuntFlo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dear-prudie-1-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:374b66ee-c86f-4082-abc5-21163cc91b4bPost:4f9c153c-0ee4-4dd8-a4be-f6112e79a02e">Re: Dear Prudie #1</a>:
[QUOTE]Are there grandparents in the lives of these little girls? Do they have strong feelings about the religious upbringing of these children?  I would consider that, too. Bless you for loving these little ones.
Posted by makemom[/QUOTE]

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</div><div>
</div><div>::::grins from ear to ear:::::</div>

TheMrsC23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dear-prudie-1-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:374b66ee-c86f-4082-abc5-21163cc91b4bPost:68f4f373-d51d-4b8b-b00a-de065c34d867">Re: Dear Prudie #1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Prudie #1 : ::::grins from ear to ear:::::
Posted by AuntFlo[/QUOTE]

I laughed so hard I snorted. 

Wzz

mrs.conn, if only your unfaithful husband could see this and finally stop paying his mistress's mortgage. bless you.

TheMrsC23

Wzz...I'm going to have to start doing my disclaimers again!