Wedding Woes

Engaged. Discrimination issues.

edited August 2013 in Wedding Woes
I recently got engaged to someone from a different culture and has a disability. My parents have been strongly against our relationship solely because of these two issues, but more the latter. (Everything else about him is fine: non-abusive, truly loves me, financially independent, etc... pretty much everything parents would want from a son-in-law.) They live overseas, have not spoken to him before, and continue refusing to speak to him. They also avoid speaking to me about him. I have already tried using subtle hints to see if they would continue that line of conversation, but they wouldn't budge.

I was more understanding when our relationship started because it takes time for parents to adjust to that sort of shock. Two years should be more than enough time to get over that shock. Their worries about his disability are not unfounded but I am aware of the health problems he may have later in life. Long story short, my fiance and I know what we're getting ourselves into.

My parents don't know that we are engaged yet and we plan on telling them within the month. The question is: how to break the news? I am expecting a dramafest but would like as much damage control as possible. What should I say once they start reacting negatively to it? Keep in mind that there is no way to ease that information in slowly. As I said before, they refuse to mention him at all when we talk on the phone.

Re: Engaged. Discrimination issues.

  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    i would just rip off the bandaid and tell them flat out, no sugar coating. how do you plan to tell them, with skype? in person?

    i would personally go with in-person, even if it is face time or skype, or whatever people are using these days for face to face conversations.

    and i would also avoid using nay passive language that will make it seem like this is up for discussion.

    "hi mom and dad, i hope everything is going well for you guys, because things are going great for me. Bubba and i are engaged and i couldn't be happier. we'll be planning the wedding soon, and we wanted to tell you face to face because we are very excited."

    then they can moan and groan all they want. the second something negative somes out of their mouths or through their expressions, just be ready with, "i know this is not something you can understand, but we love each other very much and i hope that you will eventually support this decision because i know you love me and want me to be happy. this decision makes me very happy. if you want to discuss his disability, i would be so grateful so i could explain what we are dealing with and you will see that i know exactly what i am dealing with."

    more moaning and groaning?  "mom, dad, i hope you could put your feelings aside and be happy for me. i am an adult and have made my decision. when you are ready to support me, then you can call me or write me a letter. love you, bye!"

    that's really all i have. give them a chance to react, and if they react poorly, try to make it a teaching moment. good luck.
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