Officiant Woes

Iambrooke

Here's our story:

My fiance and I are not the 'religious type' and it seems as though some of our family members are.  We have always known that his mother and step-father were religious but they seemed to understand the fact that we did not want to be married in the church/have a minister marry us.  It was hard for them to accept at first, but they eventually became okay with the decision that we were making.

Cut to today, almost 5 months later and 5 months to go until our wedding day.  All of the sudden my step mom (who along with my father is paying for the wedding) decides she is a 'Godly woman' and we are suddenly in the wrong for not having a minister preform the ceremony.  This came out of NOWHERE and now is starting to stir things up again with my finace's parents. 

My finace and I would really like for his best friend/childhood friend to marry us. He knows both of us seperate and together and we both really love and respect him as a person. This is now becoming a huge deal and cause of conern for our family (when this was never a big deal before).  We basically got lectured and almost yelled at for hours about this decision.

Now im stuck! I dont know what to do! We want someone who really knows us to marry us.  I have recently thought about asking a justice of the peace to be present but seeing if our friend can preform most of the ceremony.  Does anyone know if this would be possible? Am I just reaching here? AH!! HELP!! 

footballwife77

i'm not the best giver of advice but is there any way you can put the parents to work and maybe give them a couple minutes to say a prayer/bless the union before/after friend officiates you? It's kind of hard because they are paying for it.

NYCMercedes

Officiant requirements vary by jurisdiction. Search online for the answer to your question at the city, county, or state websites.

Iambrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c0412bd6-e462-4bba-81ad-0f57677f43dePost:4a485e72-e8b7-4ce4-a177-7e7789091c02">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm not the best giver of advice but is there any way you can put the parents to work and maybe give them a couple minutes to say a prayer/bless the union before/after friend officiates you? It's kind of hard because they are paying for it.
Posted by footballwife77[/QUOTE]

<div>I totally see where your advice is coming from/good advice!</div><div>My finace's father is a deacon of the church and we did say that we would love for him to say something during the ceremony/say a prayer before dinner if he would want.  After our heated discussion about the officiant, he then told us that it wouldn't matter if we weren't having a pastor anyway. Ugh, complicated, complicated.</div>

Ella and Pedro

My fiance's father is a judge.  It was hard for him to understand why we'd rather pay a stranger $500.00 to officiant when we have a man who loves and knows both of us available.  The decision was mainly my fiance's, due to him feeling awkward about his father having this role in his marriage.  My future-father-in-law/Judge D. has never said anything to me about not understanding or questioning, so I am not supposed to know, but if I had to guess his reaction I would say it was partial that he was hurt he couldn't contribute in this meaningful way that he is uniquely qualified to do.  If it was up to him, we'd have been married at City Hall with him as our JOP, and then all go out to a nice dinner.  That's how he handled his own current (2nd) marriage.  My fiance simply explained that "this" is what we want, and people have determined to accept it as we have not budged.

Perhaps since the father of your fiance is a deacon of the church all the parents (including yours) don't understand why you'd not take advantage of his pre-existing relationship.  I guess not paying for this means you don't have as much authority as you'd wish/like.  Good luck!

VarunaTT

They can go to church afterwards if they need to be religious that day.

Have the wedding you want with the officiant you want.  

"No, that won't be happening.  Thank you for the suggestion"  and bean dip, as they were saying in the post re: handling MIL.

FLANYTATOOGURL

Pay for your own wedding. Then you can be adults and make your own decisions. YWIA!

MuppetFan

Weird that they just had this revelation so far in.

If you are okay with having religious readings, can I assume you believe in God? Would it be terrible to have a minister marry you or have less meaning to you?

Is it that you just want your friend to marry you? What if he gave a reading instead?

My friend is more along the agnostic lines and her parents paid for her wedding and let her pick out whatever she wanted. His only request was that he pick the officiant (and it would be religious).  I am Athiest and I tell you, it was the most beautiful, meaningful ceremony that I've ever witnessesed.

Heffalump

Ditto Varuna's bean dip.  Don't sit there being "lectured and almost yelled at for hours," tell them no, change the subject, and if they keep at it, then leave.