Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Toasts

Is it ok to limit toasts to a select few individuals? Also if someone says they want to give a toast, is ok to say no or decline?

Re: Toasts

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    Yes and yes.
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    Thank you! We do have an MC and I was planning on limiting it. I just wasnt sure what to do, when people randomly tell us they would like to give a toast. What do you say to decline? Like we are trying to keep it to just family? just a few?

    How would you word your decline?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_toasts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:08f4af06-6aa5-49d6-96c5-c409d2ca8491Post:18b962f5-4ecf-41b5-a9b2-7e0ccc77eb8d">Re: Toasts</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agreed - yes and yes.  <strong>Do you have an emcee for your reception?  If so, give him / her a list of the people who will toast.  I strongly discourage the idea of "opening it up" for people to say something else.</strong>  A friend did that at a wedding and some friend of the dad got up and rambled drunk for at least 10 minutes.  It was humiliating and awkward.
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    What Kristan said!

    Plus, no one wants to sit through an endless litany of toasts. . . they are pretty boring and I'd rather continue eating/chatting with my table or start dancing.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    I would most certainly limit the number of toasts at the reception (for example, we had the MOH, BM, and FOB). If there are people that are part of the wedding party that are outside of those that will be toasting at the wedding that would like to, you could have them toast at the RD.

    As a guest, even though toasts are heartfelt and personal, I get bored with them if they last for more than a minute. Even sooner if the content is meant to be funny and isn't; then it is just painful.

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    Thank you! I appreciate it.
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    Yes, it is definitely okay to limit toasts.  At our wedding, my dad gave a very short welcome toast.  Our GM and BM gave a toast, and H and I did a short thank you toast to our guests.  All of these were less than 2 minutes, and they were staggered between courses so people weren't sitting there listening to toasts for a long time.

    At my friends' wedding, a family member of hers gave an unannounced toast, where she, in an attempt to be humorous, brought up a lot of things from my friend's childhood that were actually really painful.  My friend was almost in tears.  My friend had a feeling that her family member would try to do something like that, so she wishes she would have talked to the DJ about limiting toasts ahead of time.
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    I am glad you asked this question, because I realize it might come up for us.

    We're doing i-pod music, and having the 'bestwoman' and 'matron of honor' (our two sisters) DJ.  I think we'll have the following toasters:

    Best Woman
    Matron of Honor
    My Mom
    My Dad
    His Mom
    His Dad
    and....possibly his Stepmom

    (and honestly I feel that's way way lotasa toastsa.)

    Good luck!  I think it helps to have the people who toast also be the people at the rehearsal, so they can do a 'long toast' if you know what I mean. We're going to have to give people a time limit, I think, and I am worried even with this that my Dad or Sister may go over.
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    This is awesome. I think I am limiting people to two minutes and having it be:
    My dad
    His Mom (His dad didn't want to, not a big deal)
    Best Man
    and Maybe one bridesmaid.
    I don't plan on having an open mic for this. Do you think it is helpful to let the DJ know, who not to give the mic to anyway, just in case? I have a couple people I can see possibly getting drunk and giving my dj a hard time.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_toasts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:08f4af06-6aa5-49d6-96c5-c409d2ca8491Post:609955d5-1f61-4528-ae23-3ef88920e0ca">Re: Toasts</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I think we'll have the following toasters:
    Best Woman
    Matron of Honor
    My Mom
    My Dad
    His Mom
    His Dad and....possibly his Stepmom (and honestly I feel that's way way lotasa toastsa.)
    Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]

    Wow, personally I think those are way too many toasts.  Are they going to be staggered or one after the other?  Do all of these people actually want to give toasts, or did you ask them to? 

    Even if each of these people approached you and your FI and asked to speak, I would consider limiting the toasts to 3-4 people max, Otherwise things will get very tedious for your guests.

    One option is to have some people give their toasts at the RD.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_toasts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:08f4af06-6aa5-49d6-96c5-c409d2ca8491Post:a2147270-c7fb-4239-8277-81b6a342e7fa">Re: Toasts</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is awesome. I think I am limiting people to two minutes and having it be: My dad His Mom (His dad didn't want to, not a big deal) Best Man and Maybe one bridesmaid. I don't plan on having an open mic for this. <strong>Do you think it is helpful to let the DJ know, who not to give the mic to anyway, just in case? </strong>I have a couple people I can see possibly getting drunk and giving my dj a hard time.
    Posted by huynhette[/QUOTE]

    Absolutley, yes.

    Also, please don't ask anyone to give a toast.  If they offer and you wish to accept, awesome.  Otherwise they might feel pressured into giving a speech they really don't feel comfortable giving.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_toasts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:08f4af06-6aa5-49d6-96c5-c409d2ca8491Post:229c587b-f21b-40a6-8878-0d0df139143c">Re: Toasts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Toasts : Wow, personally I think those are way too many toasts.  Are they going to be staggered or one after the other?  Do all of these people actually want to give toasts, or did you ask them to?  Even if each of these people approached you and your FI and asked to speak, I would consider limiting the toasts to 3-4 people max, Otherwise things will get very tedious for your guests. One option is to have some people give their toasts at the RD.
    Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it is too many.  As I say "way lottas lottsa toastsa." Nobody has offered, and we would never ask,  because we don't want to pressure people.  I agree it could get tedious.  I think we'll have to play it by ear.  My concern is that in our case, the traditional 'Father of the Bride' toast is not what I would like representing my parental support.  In my fiance's case, he has three very supportive parents. 

    Not sure, honestly, how to break it into a Rehearsal Toast group vs Reception Toast group without making this seem like 'tier one' and 'tier two.' Advice? (Sorry for postjacking)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_toasts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:08f4af06-6aa5-49d6-96c5-c409d2ca8491Post:fd59b863-0e34-400c-9079-2f42fbe6dc8c">Re: Toasts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Toasts : Yes, it is too many.  As I say "way lottas lottsa toastsa." Nobody has offered, and we would never ask,  because we don't want to pressure people.  I agree it could get tedious.  I think we'll have to play it by ear.  My concern is that in our case, the traditional 'Father of the Bride' toast is not what I would like representing my parental support.  In my fiance's case, he has three very supportive parents.  <strong>Not sure, honestly, how to break it into a Rehearsal Toast group vs Reception Toast group without making this seem like 'tier one' and 'tier two.</strong>' Advice? (Sorry for postjacking)
    Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]

    So these are the people you think would like to do toasts, but don't know for sure because no one has offered?

    I agree, this might be tricky.  Maybe once people have approached you about doing a toast, you could talk with everyone and tell them that you and your FI would like to have one person from the wedding party and one person from both sides of the family give a toast at the reception, and would  also love for a few people to give a toast at the RD.  Then let The Toasters decide amongst themselves who will speak when.

    Another option is to have everypne speak at the reception, but to stagger the toasts throughout the course of the evening.  Otherwise you are looking at ~15mins of toasts, assuming people  keep it to 2mins or under.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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