Wedding Etiquette Forum

Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding

As many awesome friends are getting married, I've seen (either first hand or in pictures) that more & more guests are wearing white to a wedding. Have you seen this? It's so weird to me. I thought it was a "known" type of thing, but maybe it's not? Thoughts?

I keep telling myself that I'll hardly notice if someone does it at my wedding, but if I do notice I know I'll just silently judge away. What would/did you do?

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Re: Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding

  • I personally would never wear white to a wedding and would definitely side-eye someone who did.  If someone wears white at mine, oh well.  I would never say anything but I bet a lot of guests will be silently judging them.
  • I only care if the guests are in my wedding party or immediate family. Funny you should mention this because I had dreams that my FMIL was trying to buy a dress to match me and FI didn't know any better so he told her that was cool. She ordered a dress, and in my dream, I paid for a new dress and told her to wear that one to the RD. LOL

    For my aunt and uncle's wedding, aunt's mother wore white. It was unforgivable. She had another dress that she chose to wear to the RD instead. Bride was really upset all morning, asked my mom to lace her up instead of her mom...(was really sad). The sisters were trying to get the mom to put on the RD dress again and she told the daughters that "this is her 2nd wedding anyway so it doesn't matter, she (the bride) shouldn't even be wearing white"

    If my guests wear white, I will laugh at them because it's October but I won't care.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-on-guests-wearing-white-to-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4aa460a7-9b19-4854-abfb-f051d66da6caPost:1f7f2475-c339-4f81-83ee-3621e1d6a16e">Re: Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I only care if the guests are in my wedding party or immediate family. Funny you should mention this because I had dreams that my FMIL was trying to buy a dress to match me and FI didn't know any better so he told her that was cool. She ordered a dress, and in my dream, I paid for a new dress and told her to wear that one to the RD. LOL For my aunt and uncle's wedding, aunt's mother wore white. It was unforgivable. She had another dress that she chose to wear to the RD instead. Bride was really upset all morning, asked my mom to lace her up instead of her mom...(was really sad). The sisters were trying to get the mom to put on the RD dress again and she told the daughters that "this is her 2nd wedding anyway so it doesn't matter, she (the bride) shouldn't even be wearing white" If my guests wear white, I will laugh at them because it's October but I won't care.
    Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]\

    Woah. That's awful!

    A friend got married about a year ago and her sister-inlaw wore a white dress to the wedding. It was weird. The bride never said anything, but I wonder if she actaully noticed. She must have, right?

    And I always worry about lighter colors and how they'll look in pictures. Like, I try to stay away from lighter pink because I don't want it mistaken for TOO light. But if someone else wore it to my wedding I wouldn't give two sh*ts.
  • At my wedding, I didn't notice what anyone was wearing, so I can't even tell you if someone wore white.

    However when I'm a guest at other people's weddings, I definitely notice. And judge. I don't think it's wrong to wear SOME white (I mean, guys wear white dress shirts with their suits, if a woman wore a white shirt whatever), a white caridgan, or a patterned dress that has some white in it, etc. However an all-white ensemble=side eye. 
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I went to a wedding once where one of the guests wore a floor length white formal gown. Everyone was looking at her like she was crazy, but nobody said anything.
    image
  • I hope that no one will wear white to my wedding, but since the wedding is in Seattle and Seattle is notoriously casual I'm betting that someone shows up in white (either that or jeans). I made certain that neither my mother nor FMIL will be wearing white or ivory, so I'm clear there. I think its in bad taste, and would side-eye them for sure.  
  • There is a girl, not in my inner circle of friends, but still in my social circle if that makes sense.  She wore white to my BFF's wedding where I was a bridesmaid.  My BFF was upset for about 5 minutes, thought about round house kicking her in the head, but, moved passed it.  This girl that wore white, you would think that after all the shade that was thrown she would have learned her lesson... NOPE.  She wore the same white dress to another wedding...

    She isn't invite to mine.
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  • I didn't notice at my wedding or at my sister's wedding that my aunt was wearing a mainly-white dress.  I do notice at other people's wedding, but I always assume they're not doing it to be vindictive or rude, but just didn't know the proper etiquette.  It doesn't really bother me unless it's the MOB or MOG.
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  • I wouldn't say anything. I'm sure enough people would side eye them and make comments without me having to do so.  They would look like the inconsiderate one.  In the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal and it shouldn't be something that would ruin your day.  Life is too short.

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  • I'm not even sure how/where I learned about the "no all white ensemble" rule, but I thought it was common knowledge. It blows my mind that it's not. I only hope that people are just unaware and not doing it on purpose.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Honestly it's just not something I care about or even notice.    I would not even side-eye someone wearing white unless it was a full blown gown or looks like a wedding dress.

    According to my pictures someone wore a white dress.  NBD.

    I'm too sloppy to wear white myself.  I once owned some white pants, it only lasted one wearing. Frown  So me wearing white to a wedding would not happen, but it would not be for the reason that only the bride wears white.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2013
    I side eye anyone who wears white to a wedding.

    One women wore white dress to my wedding. I wasnt surprised. I had seem her at 2-3 other weddings that year and she had worn white to those weddings as well. I didnt do anything.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-on-guests-wearing-white-to-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4aa460a7-9b19-4854-abfb-f051d66da6caPost:da1ad0b7-13e8-4bcd-af03-699d77864b29">Re: Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE] I'm too sloppy to wear white myself.  I once owned some white pants, it only lasted one wearing.    So me wearing white to a wedding would not happen, but it would not be for the reason that only the bride wears white.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    We're having BBQ at the reception. I'm legitimately terrified of getting stuff all over my gown! My BMs have joked around about getting me a clear poncho to wear during dinner. I've said no to a poncho, but I'm seriously considering some kind of bib/cover.
  • One of H's relatives wore a white dress to our wedding; I honestly didn't notice.  He did though, and was apparently pretty irritated by it; I'm sure other guests judged it.  It was like a white stretch fabric underneath that went to mid-thigh and then had a top layer of white lace that went to the floor.  Oh well.

    I thought I was pretty judgey when it came to that sort of thing, but at a wedding a few weeks ago a girl was wearing a dress that was a white crochet-type dress (i.e. lots of large holes) over orange.  I didn't think twice about it until several other friends at the wedding pointed it out.  I personally avoid white all together (with the exception of, like a sweater or shrug over the dress) just in case.
  • I'm in the camp of some white, like a shirt, part of the design but an all white or ivory dress, at weddings I would side eye it. My FH has a cousin who is super jealous, like storms out of the room because she isn't center of attention jealous. She is the one person who I think would wear a wedding dress type to our wedding or she'd show up in ratty jeans and T Shirt.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-on-guests-wearing-white-to-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4aa460a7-9b19-4854-abfb-f051d66da6caPost:fd192eb3-dd39-4cd5-a4b6-87d6ba43efa2">Re: Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding : We're having BBQ at the reception. I'm legitimately terrified of getting stuff all over my gown! My BMs have joked around about getting me a clear poncho to wear during dinner. I've said no to a poncho, but I'm seriously considering some kind of bib/cover.
    Posted by Wheels987[/QUOTE]

    <div>some how I my dress was pretty clean, except for the bottom part that dragged.   It was like there was an invisble force around me keeping me clean.  </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Not to thread-jack, but is wearing black to a wedding considered a-ok? My mom was considering a black MOB dress (she has since changed her mind) for my 5:00, outdoor, summer wedding and I thought that was kind of strange, but didn't say anything.
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  • So, bascially others are going to to the judging for you.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-on-guests-wearing-white-to-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4aa460a7-9b19-4854-abfb-f051d66da6caPost:7d59417e-913d-45e8-ab51-f3f2aa891df1">Re: Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, bascially others are going to to the judging for you.
    Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

    That's what it sounds like!

    As for the black thing--I'm honestly not sure, but I wouldn't care. Some peole don't like to wear a lot of color, and if she loves the black dress then great!

    If my mom wanted a black cocktail dress for the wedding I would tell her it's lovely.
  • White is trashy to wear to a wedding, and I snicker if I see it. It just screams psychological problems. I am A Ok with black though. Unless the person is wearing a shroud, the mourning connection is a stretch.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-on-guests-wearing-white-to-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4aa460a7-9b19-4854-abfb-f051d66da6caPost:9c0a7843-058b-43de-9855-8e8b47c07c7a">Re: Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not to thread-jack, but is wearing black to a wedding considered a-ok? My mom was considering a black MOB dress (she has since changed her mind) for my 5:00, outdoor, summer wedding and I thought that was kind of strange, but didn't say anything.
    Posted by JennaMichelle88[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think black is totally fine. In some circles, if the MOG wears black they still interpet it as her disapproving of the marriage, but most of the guests I see at weddings these days where black. Personally I think unless you are wearing a mourning veil with the black dress, who gives a shizz. </div>
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  • I think black is a know your audience type thing. Evening in NYC absolutely. Afternoon in Charleston I probably wouldn't.
  • I once had this adorable dress with a black top and a white skirt, and didn't wear it to a wedding b/c I felt like it was too much white. However, if it was a white background with a colorful pattern, I wouldn't even notice. A lot of patterned summer dresses have white backgrounds
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  • I think that black is fine.  I've worn a black dress to an evening fall wedding.  Personally, I probably wouldn't wear it to a summer wedding, but I wouldn't side eye someone who did.  We had an afternoon summer wedding and some of our guests wore black dresses.  I didn't think anything of it.
  • I think black is a-okay; especially if it's like a LBD which doesn't seem like mourning to me at all.  MIL tried on a black dress when we went shopping and was concerned that it was against 'the rules' - I suppose I may have read into it if we didn't have a good relationship, but since we do I told her the 'rule' was ridiculous, haha.  It was black and sparkly, I don't think it shouted "I don't approve".  But then she'd been told by a friend that the MOG's job was to "wear beige and shut up", so we had to get that idea out of the way early.
  • my mom is fully wearing black to mine.  It's her favorite color.  90% of her clothing is black.  If she upped and wore red or blue or green I would be concerned and haul her off to Shady Pines.

    FMIL side-eyed it for a hot second until she realized that it gave her many many many options of what she could wear.
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  • I am so careful about white! I won't even wear white to RDs or any events where the bride might notice. I just stick to colors. However, I do love the look of white BM dresses, but that's not what this thread is about. 

    Black, I've never really had a problem with, TBTH. Especially if it's a formal wedding--it's not that easy to find a wide range of colors in really formal attire. 

  • I don't care if anyone shows up in white to my wedding. I won't judge, but others will - not my problem. I think I would be offended if someone showed up in jeans, but again, it doesn't reflect on me.

    What I don't get about wearing white is that it's not exactly the most flattering color, and the risk of staining is quite high - if you're not the bride, why would you want to subject yourself to that?

  • I think if part of a guest's outfit is white (skirt or pants or top) I wouldn't think twice, but a white dress I would side-eye...

    Black should be fine, but for an outdoor summer wedding at 5 I would side-eye if it were an inppropriate fit (like a large taffeta ballgown). A shorter dress in a lightweight material would fit perfectly AND she could probably re-use it for another event.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-on-guests-wearing-white-to-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4aa460a7-9b19-4854-abfb-f051d66da6caPost:ce950cd7-d9a6-4c68-9512-e34dcf39ef5d">Opinions on guests wearing white to a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]As many awesome friends are getting married, I've seen (either first hand or in pictures) that more & more guests are wearing white to a wedding. Have you seen this? It's so weird to me. I thought it was a "known" type of thing, but maybe it's not? Thoughts? I keep telling myself that I'll hardly notice if someone does it at my wedding, but if I do notice I know I'll just silently judge away. What would/did you do?
    Posted by Wheels987[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I have seen that this is a trend, or a shift- in articles, not in real life. I think in my 'circle' it's still considered a faux pas to wear white. It's something that does seem to be changing and evolving. I don't think I'd notice that someone wore white to the wedding, unless it was a long white gown or something crazy like that. lol. I don't think it's something to be overly judgy about, but I would be uncomfortable wearing an all-white dress to someone else's wedding.

    </div>
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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