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UPDATE ** Would LOOOVE to decline

So FI decided to call his friend up and just say "we got your invitation in the mail but there was no RSVP date / card / info regarding a meal etc"   and was told that he "felt really awful" about it but that "due to budget" they had to cut "about 45 people" from the meal!!!  So several people were invited to only the ceremony and the reception!  ACK!  

Even KNOWING we are coming from out of town and therefore would be more put out than someone from IN TOWN (which I'm sure some guest are) we STILL didn't warrant a meal .. nice.  Especially as the groom in this wedding is someone my FI considered one of his "best" friends when he was living in that area... ouch!

Our response was basically that we would have to decline "for now" but would let them know closer to (wedding is still 80+ days away) if we were somehow able to be there.  (wont happen)

I'll send a nice card .. but no gift.

Re: UPDATE ** Would LOOOVE to decline

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    I think most everyone from yesterday was sure this is how it would shake out.


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    Does anyone wonder why just cutting the list by 45 was not an option?   I mean, I would get disappointed not attending a friend's wedding.  But I would be offended at receiving that kind-of invite. 

    I do not know about you, but I would rather my friend be disappointed in me than offended my my actions.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Terrible! I don't understand how people can think thats okay. Big decline right there!
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    In Response to Re:UPDATE Would LOOOVE to decline:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:UPDATE Would LOOOVE to decline:I'd be tempted to organize a pizza party with the other 45 sitting on the ground in the middle of the dance floor.Posted by MoxieMickieIf you have the guts and know the 45 people you should totally
    do this! nbsp;I wouldn't have the guts and would just decline. Posted by
    snippet17[/QUOTE]


    I should have added a sarcasm tag. This is the type of thing I would rant about privately before I declined. Besides, I'm always careful not to make myself look like a jerk while I am trying to show that someone else is a jerk.
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    I seriously never heard of inviting people only to the "dance portion" of the reception before joining The Knot.  In my mind, weddings are an "all or nothing" thing.  Like, you either invite someone to the entire wedding or you don't invite them at all.  There should be no in between.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    I've never heard of that before. How could you have the audacity to actually send an invite knowing that you can't afford your guests? Wow.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Wow, that is just . . . wow.  Decline - this couple is not doing anyone any favours.  I honestly can't believe that this is how they decided to save money. 

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-would-looove-to-decline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:61d6d84d-c7e2-4f2d-b5dd-082b4c7dd0f8Post:3e9fa972-21f6-48fe-8cdb-75467b137598">Re: UPDATE ** Would LOOOVE to decline</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does anyone wonder why just cutting the list by 45 was not an option?   I mean, I would get disappointed not attending a friend's wedding.  But I would be offended at receiving that kind-of invite. <strong> I do not know about you, but I would rather my friend be disappointed in me than offended my my actions.</strong>
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This, big time...

    </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-would-looove-to-decline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:61d6d84d-c7e2-4f2d-b5dd-082b4c7dd0f8Post:3e9fa972-21f6-48fe-8cdb-75467b137598">Re: UPDATE ** Would LOOOVE to decline</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does anyone wonder why just cutting the list by 45 was not an option?   I mean, I would get disappointed not attending a friend's wedding.  But I would be offended at receiving that kind-of invite.  I do not know about you, but I would rather my friend be disappointed in me than offended my my actions.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]


    Ditto.   Even if they sent STDs and then didn't follow up with an invitation why not go with that option?   They're going to irritate people either way - just be honest about it rather than the blatant gift grab.
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    Just FYI too we weren't "officially" invited either ahead of time so .. its just baffling to me... they didn't do STD cards and my FI knew they were engaged but other than very basic wedding talk (they're guys haha) ie "congrats" and the like had ever really been said.  He knew from some FB posts etc that the wedding was going to be this summer.. but we hadn't received an "official" verbal invite OR STD .. so .. I just don't know why they felt the need to go this way...
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    Thanks for the update!  I would skip it and not send a gift.
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