Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR- Would you be freaking out too? Need reassurance/advice

I wrote in last weekend asking for advice about a memorial service for my deceased brother, and you ladies were very a new wrench has been thrown in the midst of everything. 

Here is the post for all who want to read and know the back story

Well, long story short, About a month ago, I contacted my brothers' mother to let her know about D's death, since our father didn't bother to tell her. She has not been involved in either of their lives, she left when they were toddlers and has seen them 1 time in the past 8 years. I brought M to see her about 2 weeks ago and everything went fine, she was...distant, barely hugged him and he hung out with his half brother (who is a recovering meth addict) most of the time. M is doing great living with me, I have him in counseling, he's excelling in school, and is finally getting adjusted after being tossed around from person to person. I am the only mother he has ever known, and does not have any kind of a relationship with his mother. 

Well, now, this woman is wanting visitation with him. She lives in another state, does not keep a consistant phone number, and....I don't know her! I have the exact same concerns with sending him to see her a week at a time, as I would with ANYONE else that I didn't know, and he didn't know. Plus I'm afraid she's going to try to kidnap him, or take custody away from me. I feel like since the hard stuff is over with, now that her disabled son is dead, she wants to be a mom now, now that he's half grown. 

And also, added drama- I didn't realize it until yesterday, but there is actually a no contact order between her and her son- and I took him to see her. I'm afraid I'm going to get in trouble for that...

I don't even know what advice I'm looking for, just wanting to know if there are any other parents/step parents or whatever that have been in this situation. I'm just freaking out a bit- I already lost one brother to a crappy parent, I can't stand the thought of losing him too. 

Re: NWR- Would you be freaking out too? Need reassurance/advice

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    The no contact order covers father and his mother contacting one another, right? Is your brother not a protected party? I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this much be for you and am so sorry for not just your loss but the needless stress also. I venture to say that people who have meth issues, restraining orders, neglect their children and live in filth without any regard for their well being or medical care aren't going to take being told "don't come" very lightly or well at all. Have your party, invite who you want, celebrate your brother's life and spirit. When others ask where "dad" or others are, say you had a lot of thoughts on it and wanted to focus on happy memories, it was a story for another day. That seems the easiest way to do things, though none of this is easy. Hugs to you. You're a good sister.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Ditto Stage that you should contact whoever placed your brother in your care.  They will probably be doing wellness check ups to keep up on your brother's progress to start.  So talk with that person first.  Then call a lawyer, make sure that you have full legal custody of the child and based on what CPS advises on with mom, the lawyer will help guide you through that process with another no-contact order or a custody agreement, etc.
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    Get in touch with a lawyer ASAP. 
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten



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