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Rude people

FI and I have no kids at our reception due to a liquor license which is fine by us because we don't think a reception with an open bar is appropriate for young children.


I addressed invitations properly, each adult child got their own, parents only, no "and families" etc etc.


So yesterday is my bridal shower. FI's aunt proceeds to tell me how it is not "proper etiquette" and must be a "new thing" to only address invites to those invited and leave "adults only" off the reception card.


Well I'm sorry that is how you have seen it done but that is not how it's supposed to be.


I proceeded to smile through gritted teeth while she attempted to lecture me on how I was stupid for only putting it on our website and spreading it through word of mouth.


Then she also had the nerve to demand all her adult children be invited to the wedding and how I snubbed her one child. I knew I had talked to him and got his address so I pulled my master list out and made a point to show her and FIs family not only was he invited, the invitation was sent to his house with his fiances name.


Then to ice it off, while we were opening presents she very rudely said she didn't understand why anyone bought us anything because we already had everything we needed. My MOH and I were joking about how FI wouldn't dump noodles on the floor anymore trying to strain pasta because we finally got a real strainer and tried brushing it off.


i ignored her comments until about 7 or 8 snide remarks in when my cousin looked hurt until I finally said excuse me but our house just burnt down I did not know you were unaware of that but I didn't think this was the appropriate venue for that discussion and we are trying to rebuild and move on instead of dwelling on the past.


Then continued to oogle over all the cool gadgets we got.


I know FSIL was fanning the fire, but seriously I don't know why anyone thinks they can talk to people like that. If you don't agree with what we are doing, don't come. There is no reason to hurt my friends and families feelings.
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Re: Rude people

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    Unfortunately, when other people are involved, other people will have opinions on what should and shouldn't be done. The best thing you can do is brush it off an move on. Which you attempted to do in a gracious manner (though I probably wouldn't have pulled out the guest list to prove her wrong.) Not sure how your FSIL or cousin got involved, but the general gist is there.

    I've figured out a while ago that I'm doing the best I can. I'm not going to please everyone and I'm not going to do everything right. But, I accept that, and own that. For all those who disagree and feel the need to tell me about it, it's as simple as "oh, well, I'll think about it," or "oh, well, it's already been done" and change the subject. If it's egregious I'll attempt to fix it, otherwise, I'm over it before you finished your complaint.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    People are jerks. It's so rude to lecture the guest of honor at an event. If this is your FI's aunt, can you enlist him or a family member to say something to her? Oh, and just a word of advice: don't use the booze excuse as the reason you're having an adult reception. It's a BS reason and implies parents don't know how to take care of their kids with alcohol around. There's no such thing as a dry event in DH's or my families. Even DD's birthday parties have alcohol for the adults. There's nothing wrong with an adult reception but I'd give you major side eye if you told me that was your reason. You don't owe an explanation to your guests anyway.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7534c325-4611-4759-9b8d-87b49af3c1bfPost:d729a653-fb89-43c2-8da3-d27a9b5671f7">Re:Rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]People are jerks. It's so rude to lecture the guest of honor at an event. If this is your FI's aunt, can you enlist him or a family member to say something to her? Oh, and just a word of advice: don't use the booze excuse as the reason you're having an adult reception. It's a BS reason and implies parents don't know how to take care of their kids with alcohol around. There's no such thing as a dry event in DH's or my families. Even DD's birthday parties have alcohol for the adults. There's nothing wrong with an adult reception but I'd give you major side eye if you told me that was your reason. You don't owe an explanation to your guests anyway.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]


    I think OP was saying that the venue itself prohibits under 21yrs because of their liquour license.
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    In Response to Re:Rude people:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Rude people:People are jerks. It's so rude to lecture the guest of honor at an event. If this is your FI's aunt, can you enlist him or a family member to say something to her? Oh, and just a word of advice: don't use the booze excuse as the reason you're having an adult reception. It's a BS reason and implies parents don't know how to take care of their kids with alcohol around. There's no such thing as a dry event in DH's or my families. Even DD's birthday parties have alcohol for the adults. There's nothing wrong with an adult reception but I'd give you major side eye if you told me that was your reason. You don't owe an explanation to your guests anyway.Posted by banana468I think OP was saying that the venue itself prohibits under 21yrs because of their liquour license. Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

    You're right, but then OP said " which is fine by us because we don't think a reception with an open bar is appropriate for young children".

    It's not up to OP what is appropriate and it implies exactly what banana said.
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    daffydilliedaffydillie member
    First Comment
    edited April 2013
    That is correct, our venue does not allow children due to the liquor license and insurance. We did not find out until later. I am paying, I do not find openbar receptions appropriate for children just like I don't find bars in general appropriate for children. I do get to make that decision because it is my event and my decision to invite children to the venue. The liquor license reason is a very valid reason to give otherwise people would bring their children anyways which was what FIs aunt is implying she was playing on doing. She will be asked to leave if she does so by the venue staff or the bar gets shut down and I will not be refunded. This aunt brought her children to an adult only reception along with several other children and allowed them to play football on the dance floor during the spotlight dances. I pulled out the guest list because she not only would not let it go, but was causing a scene and I got sick of her mouth. If my family would have gotten involved it would have gotten messy. So I tried to avert more drama. FSIL I've been posting about for awhile. She's been sabotaging and causing as much drama for me while FI is away on business. She was telling mouthy aunt that I was intentionally not inviting people and all kinds of other nonsense.
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    In Response to Re:Rude people:[QUOTE]That is correct, our venue does not allow children due to the liquor license and insurance. We did not find out until later.

    I am paying, I do not find openbar receptions appropriate for children just like I don't find bars in general appropriate for children. I do get to make that decision because it is my event and my decision to invite children to the venue.

    The liquor license reason is a very valid reason to give otherwise people would bring their children anyways which was what FIs aunt is implying she was playing on doing. She will be asked to leave if she does so by the venue staff or the bar gets shut down and I will not be refunded. This aunt brought her children to an adult only reception along with several other children and allowed them to play football on the dance floor during the spotlight dances.

    I pulled out the guest list because she not only would not let it go, but was causing a scene and I got sick of her mouth. If my family would have gotten involved it would have gotten messy. So I tried to avert more drama.

    FSIL I've been posting about for awhile. She's been sabotaging and causing as much drama for me while FI is away on business. She was telling mouthy aunt that I was intentionally not inviting people and all kinds of other nonsense. Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

    You get to state the facts. "Minors are not allowed at the venue per the venue's license." Period.

    You have no business stating what you think people should and shouldn't do around children. THAT is where you would be crossing a major line.

    I'm the first person to support an adult event. When I hear someone state the booze excuse I find my eyeballs rolling up into my head and I begin to wonder about someone who thinks a kid can't handle it.

    That said, it sounds like you're handling things just fine. Good luck with the aunt.
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    daffydilliedaffydillie member
    First Comment
    edited April 2013
    Then in your opinion, anyone who has an adults only reception would make you roll your eyes. I am sorry, but as a responsible host I feel that it is appropriate to have underage kids at an open bar wedding. I don't want the responsibility if someone sneaks a minor alcohol, if a parent drives drunk with the child, or the parents get to drunk to focus on their children. It is not appropriate of me as a host to encourage such behaviors. We have also gone to great lengths to make it safe for everyone, hiring bartenders, DD drivers, shuttles, etc. If we were getting married in a park in the afternoon I would have felt differently.
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    In Response to Re:Rude people:[QUOTE]Then in your opinion, anyone who has an adults only reception would make you roll your eyes. I am sorry, but as a responsible host I feel that it is appropriate to have underage kids at an open bar wedding. I don't want the responsibility if someone sneaks a minor alcohol, if a parent drives drunk with the child, or the parents get to drunk to focus on their children. It is not appropriate of me as a host to encourage such behaviors. We have also gone to great lengths to make it safe for everyone, hiring bartenders, DD drivers, shuttles, etc. If we were getting married in a park in the afternoon I would have felt differently. Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

    Did you not read my post at all?

    Don't tell people what you think they should and shouldn't do around their kids. Period. The second you say where you think kids belong as a general statement unrelated to your wedding, you sound sanctimonious.

    Have the adult wedding. Just don't say "I don't think kids belong around open bars at weddings or open containers if alcohol," because you then open yourself to be judged for the assumptions you made.
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    In Response to Re:Rude people:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Rude people:Then in your opinion, anyone who has an adults only reception would make you roll your eyes. I am sorry, but as a responsible host I feel that it is appropriate to have underage kids at an open bar wedding. I don't want the responsibility if someone sneaks a minor alcohol, if a parent drives drunk with the child, or the parents get to drunk to focus on their children. It is not appropriate of me as a host to encourage such behaviors. We have also gone to great lengths to make it safe for everyone, hiring bartenders, DD drivers, shuttles, etc. If we were getting married in a park in the afternoon I would have felt differently. Posted by daffydillie

    Did you not read my post at all?

    Don't tell people what you think they should and shouldn't do around their kids. Period. The second you say where you think kids belong as a general statement unrelated to your wedding, you sound sanctimonious.

    Have the adult wedding. Just don't say "I don't think kids belong around open bars at weddings or open containers if alcohol," because you then open yourself to be judged for the assumptions you made. Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    Good lord, give it a rest. If she doesn't think events with alcohol are appropriate for children, then she doesn't think events with alcohol are appropriate for children. I don't know why you are dwelling on that one sentence in the whole length of the post. Get over it. Just like she "doesn't get to tell people what to do around their kids" or whatever you said which I agree with you on this btw she is also entitled to her opinion. I just get a real kick out of an adult telling another adult that they have to and/or cannot do something. Adults can do whatever they damn well please, you just might not like it.

    OP your aunt FI's aunt? sounds like a piece of work. Did anyone in your family or friends stick up for you during this? Try not to let her get to you. People will always have their opinions and plenty of them at bitchy. Just focus on the positive people. :
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    daffydilliedaffydillie member
    First Comment
    edited April 2013
    I shut FIs aunt down hard before my family got wind of her nonsense. I know they would have had my back but I didn't want that fight to break out. As for the other poster, when it is MY wedding and I am footing the bill I get to decide what I feel is appropriate. Children are not and are a liability. Period. And it just so happens, most bars and venues in my area agree with me. I did not say "open containers of alcohol" I said an open bar at my reception. I also do not feel kids belong in bars or night clubs. Sorry, but clench your pearls elsewhere. I am not serving alcohol and opening myself up to that liability even if my venue said kids were acceptable. If it weren't a late night affair, with live entertainment, with heavy drinking likely to occur the circumstances would be different. But Banana, if you want to take your children to a night club or a bar that is on you, I would side eye you for it, and you would not be welcome at either my wedding or bar. And this is coming from a parent.
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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7534c325-4611-4759-9b8d-87b49af3c1bfPost:53632336-6ed3-4bb9-8545-afdd6d561bdf">Re:Rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]I shut FIs aunt down hard before my family got wind of her nonsense. I know they would have had my back but I didn't want that fight to break out. As for the other poster, when it is MY wedding and I am footing the bill I get to decide what I feel is appropriate. Children are not and are a liability. Period. And it just so happens, most bars and venues in my area agree with me. I did not say "open containers of alcohol" I said an open bar at my reception. I also do not feel kids belong in bars or night clubs. Sorry, but clench your pearls elsewhere. I am not serving alcohol and opening myself up to that liability even if my venue said kids were acceptable. If it weren't a late night affair, with live entertainment, with heavy drinking likely to occur the circumstances would be different. But Banana, if you want to take your children to a night club or a bar that is on you, I would side eye you for it, and you would not be welcome at either my wedding or bar. And this is coming from a parent.
    Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

    I think what Banana was trying to say was that it's not up to<em> you</em> to determine what is appropriate for children<u> across the board</u> because it's condescending to the parents as it <em>implies that the parent does not know what is appropriate for their child.</em>

     You don't want kids - sweet. There will be fewer tantrums and people crawling under the tables (depending on your guests). Own your decision.

    BUT, a parent would be able to tell if a super upscale hotel wedding was or wasn't appropriate for their child if the child were invited. My cousin's children routinely go out with their parents to nice restaurants or parties where there is freely flowing alcohol. The children are well behaved and well taken care of because the parents don't ignore their responsibilities. Other friends of the family, however do not take their children to these types places because the children are a little more wild and they couple would rather have adult time.

    You seem to be using "appropriate" as a way to mask the fact that you just don't want kids there. If that's what you need to tell crazy aunt, fine, but  just say it like it is here. You don't want them there. Period. No one cares, but by trying to call the grass a yellowy-blue instead of just plain ole green, you're making eyes roll.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7534c325-4611-4759-9b8d-87b49af3c1bfPost:53632336-6ed3-4bb9-8545-afdd6d561bdf">Re:Rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE] <strong>Sorry, but clench your pearls elsewhere</strong>. But Banana, <strong>if you want to take your children to a night club or a bar that is on you</strong>, I would side eye you for it, and you would not be welcome at either my wedding or bar. And this is coming from a parent.
    Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]


    If she were taking her kids to a nightclub, I highly doubt she'd be wearing pearls....
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    In Response to Re:Rude people:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Rude people: Sorry, but clench your pearls elsewhere. But Banana, if you want to take your children to a night club or a bar that is on you, I would side eye you for it, and you would not be welcome at either my wedding or bar. And this is coming from a parent.Posted by daffydillieIf she were taking her kids to a nightclub, I highly doubt she'd be wearing pearls.... Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

    Speak for yourself ;

    BTW, thanks for summing up what I was trying to say.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7534c325-4611-4759-9b8d-87b49af3c1bfPost:926ec079-39e1-41ee-9310-7a287b22a708">Re:Rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Rude people: Speak for yourself ; BTW, thanks for summing up what I was trying to say.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    No problemo :) I should have

    I mean if I had kids, I'd probably find an evening party wedding not very appropriate for my own brood, but that's not to say other kids and parents aren't able to behave appropriately.
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    I did not say it was an "upscale" place. It is a BAR, with a liquor license that does not allow underage children. And yes, if a parent thinks it is appropriate to take their child there that is fine but they will not get in the door. There is a sign that states plainly no one under the age of 18. I have never in my life met a group of people thinking taking a child into a BAR or a CLUB environment was acceptable or willing to take on that liability. It's not up for discussion. This aunts child is not welcome, her child's friends are not welcome, and no it's not appropriate for her to bring her. Period. And if she feels the need to push the issue, apparently having to have a no child discussion was warranted because obviously as a parent she neglects to understand that children cannot go into a bar after 9pm. That's the law.
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    OK, way to miss the ENTIRE point of what I was saying.

    It's fine that you're having no kids at the wedding.    Just don't add your personal opinion into the reason that the kids aren't there.  "The venue does not allow children," is all you need to say.   I'm not doubting that these people are a pain and a half but you still have no business interjecting your opinion of what kids should do.

    If I had my wedding in a venue that required the men to wear jackets and ties and I put that on the invitation, I wouldn't follow up in conversation that, "Well, you really should be wearing a jacket and tie to be well dressed anyway," because that's not the point!    The venue requires it.

    You seem hell-bent on trying to pick the fight with me that you won't pick with all the people who are irritating you.   Chill out. 
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