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Really touchy situation

Dammit you guys.

My future father-in-law is engaged to marry his longtime girlfriend, and when he does, I will inherit two awesome step-sisters-in-law. Which is really hard to say, by the way.

RSVPs for our wedding were due today. We set it for a month out knowing full well that people wouldn't RSVP in time, and I wanted to have a lot of time to call everyone because our final headcount is due to the caterer two weeks before the wedding.

I literally just gave FI his list of people on his side of the family to call over the weekend that haven't RSVP'd yet. I told him to wait until Saturday just in case we get a flurry of late responses.

Then I find out... my future-step-sisters-in-law just lost their father unexpectedly. Just yesterday. They were on the list of people who hadn't responded yet.

FLAIL

What do I do? I don't want to call anyone up and be like "Hey, bummer your dad died but are you coming to the wedding?" Do you think I should wait until the last possible moment to call? 

Also, can people just stop f*cking dying for a minute? Seriously.
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Re: Really touchy situation

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    yes, wait until the last minute or just include them in your headcount. And for sure call/send a condolence letter etc.
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    You wait till the last minute.   I do not know why this is even a question? You still have 2 weeks to go.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-touchy-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:754e6b66-78f6-41c2-b6eb-4029ac0c711aPost:9abf8b47-86ba-4b70-ab00-9381213d61a0">Re: Really touchy situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, if you don't need the head counts for another 2 weeks, I would wait 10 days or so to ask at all.  Then, I would have FI call his dad and ask about it.  Worst case scenario, I would count them as a yes if you can't delicately get a straight answer out of them.   On a side note, if your RSVPs were DUE today,<strong> I'd wait until at least Tuesday to start calling.</strong>  We had a ton of guests who dropped them in the mail the afternoon of the due date.  If we'd started calling that weekend, we would have made 15 or 20 unnecessary calls.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Noted. Thanks!</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-touchy-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:754e6b66-78f6-41c2-b6eb-4029ac0c711aPost:ecd12ed1-2396-4a63-8760-4737eeabb1cf">Re: Really touchy situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]You wait till the last minute.   I do not know why this is even a question? You still have 2 weeks to go.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's a question because I needed guidance. I hadn't even thought of just including them and letting them decide if they want to come last minute. I'm just trying to figure out how to handle it.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-touchy-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:754e6b66-78f6-41c2-b6eb-4029ac0c711aPost:9cbe81ff-f5eb-41e8-9b24-bdbef7a83a23">Re: Really touchy situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ugh, you & your family has been through the ringer.  I agree with PPs ... wait 2 weeks.   And if you're the type, send a sympathy card.  (I would do that regardless of the wedding, but that's just me).
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think we're going to wait another week and then talk to FI's dad to see how he thinks we should go about it. We're going to send a card but as of right now, they (the step-sisters-in-law) haven't said anything. I found out from my future-sister-in-law who found out from her dad. Grapevine. I think we're going to wait a few days in case it's something we're not supposed to know yet (if that makes any sense)</div><div>
    </div><div>Worst case scenario, if we don't hear anything, I'm adding two people to the final headcount for the caterer. If they show up, they'll be fed. If not, more food for everyone else.</div>
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    I'm sorry of I came across snarky. It just seems like common sense to me that if your counts are not due for another 2 weeks you just wait till the dust settles.    

    I had a guests whose mom died 5 days before the wedding.  I sent flowers and never worried if they were still coming or not. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-touchy-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:754e6b66-78f6-41c2-b6eb-4029ac0c711aPost:ee6feb79-3ff3-4592-aacd-8fe73a8e136b">Re: Really touchy situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry of I came across snarky. It just seems like common sense to me that if your counts are not due for another 2 weeks you just wait till the dust settles.     I had a guests whose mom died 5 days before the wedding.  I sent flowers and never worried if they were still coming or not. 
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    <div>No worries, the internet sucks for communication sometimes. I'm not sure I worded my OP properly anyway. This isn't a situation where I think the "dust will settle" in two weeks, you know? Their dad died completely unexpectedly. Also, I SUCK at handling other people's tragedies. I mean, I suck at dealing with my own, but I'm WORSE with other people. I never know what to say so I try to not say anything before something moronic comes out.</div>
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    I'd wait a couple days after the funeral. Maybe the day after they return to their jobs.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-touchy-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:754e6b66-78f6-41c2-b6eb-4029ac0c711aPost:27218005-a100-448a-ba15-19cf74f71cb3">Re:Really touchy situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd wait a couple days after the funeral. Maybe the day after they return to their jobs.
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't know when any of that is taking place. I've never met their father - in fact, I've only met the step-sisters once, and now we're Facebook friends. I'm going to get up with FI's dad later on to see what's happening and how to proceed. </div>
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    Can you give it another week or so?  I'd probably give it at least that long in view of what's happened.
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    The final verdict is this: we're going to send a condolence card after the weekend. In about a week or so, we're going to call FI's dad and let him know we're including the step-sisters in the final headcount, but they are in no way expected to come. If they show up, great. If not, that's fine. That way, all of our bases are covered.
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  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-touchy-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:754e6b66-78f6-41c2-b6eb-4029ac0c711aPost:5971236e-0dda-49d6-b0ae-e020b0f88f9a">Really touchy situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dammit you guys. My future father-in-law is engaged to marry his longtime girlfriend, and when he does, I will inherit two awesome step-sisters-in-law. Which is really hard to say, by the way. RSVPs for our wedding were due today. We set it for a month out knowing full well that people wouldn't RSVP in time, and I wanted to have a lot of time to call everyone because our final headcount is due to the caterer two weeks before the wedding. I literally just gave FI his list of people on his side of the family to call over the weekend that haven't RSVP'd yet. I told him to wait until Saturday just in case we get a flurry of late responses. Then I find out... my future-step-sisters-in-law just lost their father unexpectedly. Just yesterday. They were on the list of people who hadn't responded yet. FLAIL What do I do? I don't want to call anyone up and be like "Hey, bummer your dad died but are you coming to the wedding?" Do you think I should wait until the last possible moment to call?  Also, can people just stop f*cking dying for a minute? Seriously.
    Posted by CourtaniaLynn[/QUOTE]

    Send some flowers or a condolence letter/card, and include them in your headcount. Don't even ask. If they don't come you will have two extra plates just in case someone wants seconds or two people show up uninvited.
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