Wedding Etiquette Forum

Who walks with me?

My bio parents divorced when I was around 7 years old. After that my bio dad disappeared until I was 20. Since then I have had a baby and my bio dad is an AMAZING grandpa...but he tends to shy away from anything where my step dad will be involved (Like my baby shower...he came 20 minutes early and left when i arrived)  I am a daddy's girl and super loyal to my STEP DAD....but will it offend my bio-dad for him to walk me down the aisle and be our officiant. Hubby-to-be says its up to me and that if anyone doesnt like it then that's their problem. But im a very accomadating person and my step dad would be so hurt if he wasnt a part of the wedding. I have thought about having my bio-dad walk me down the aisle and my step dad be the officiant but my step dad actually knows my hubby to be and his family and stuff. Plus my bio-dad said "well i might make it" when i told him about the wedding...should I switch up the plans I already have to add my bio-dad in? Or leave it like it is...?

Re: Who walks with me?

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    You should have who you want walk you down the aisle.  What about having your mom walk you down the aisle and your step dad officiate?
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d03d15c-d336-4c27-b531-2ca0fe7d5dcdPost:3cb814c7-919c-4692-827f-fb565c184504">Re: Who walks with me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're not the first this week to be dealing with this, and I don't envy you. I've opted to walk down by myself, which you could do, and then maybe do two father/daughter dances to include both of your dads. Or have your mom walk you down. I don't think you should make your decision based on whose feelings will or won't be hurt. I think you should make the decision that means the most to YOU. Close your eyes, and think about that moment when the doors in the church open, or that moment when your processional music comes on... Who do you picture standing next to you?
    Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]

    I totally see my step-dad!! (Thank you for that advice). And until my son was born I wasnt sure if I was even going to invite my bio-dad but hubby to-be insisted because he has stepped up so much with my son but for me he is still the man that walked out and was no where to be found for 13 years. I think I will be keeping my plans but I dont want to hurt the relationship between my son and his grandpa.
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d03d15c-d336-4c27-b531-2ca0fe7d5dcdPost:71b10f75-94ea-4352-860d-238c513f3391">Re: Who walks with me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should have who you want walk you down the aisle.  What about having your mom walk you down the aisle and your step dad officiate?
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

    My mom is stuck in her role as mother of the bride (sort of mother of the bridezilla-ish) and won't budge. She's a piece of work. i think i will be keeping my plans as they are because he (bio-dad) didnt really show interest when I first told him but he could have just been hiding it....I just hope that come closer to the big day he doesnt change his mind and then be upset.
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d03d15c-d336-4c27-b531-2ca0fe7d5dcdPost:5b42723d-2324-4292-9816-1ca4931e0c7c">Re: Who walks with me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds to me like bio dad is flakey when it comes to family occasions. I would also not have the man who disappeared from my life for 13 years escort me regardless of how great of a grandfather he is to my child. My opinion would be to stick with your plans and have your step dad walk you. 
    Posted by PrincessBride2016[/QUOTE]

    Your probably right. He is a flake. When it has anything to do with my step dad being around. What I dont get is that bio-dad has been married to my awesome step mom for almost 8 years. So why is he so worried about my step dad being around? I dont think I will be changing my plans. Thanks!
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d03d15c-d336-4c27-b531-2ca0fe7d5dcdPost:5d22756e-d4a4-4088-94dc-7ec2f618f256">Re: Who walks with me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks with me? : I'd like to hope that your bio-dad has enough goodness in him to keep y'alls relationship separate from that he has with his grandson. And if you've said he's not really shown much interest, I bet he'll understand.
    Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]

    I'd like to hope so me. But after me not speaking to him for 13 years after the divorce I can only imagine that he will disappear again and that's not fair to my little one. Its bio-dad's loss but my kid misses out too. I hope that he will take my choice simply for what it is and maybe even still attend but not let this get between him and his grandson.
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d03d15c-d336-4c27-b531-2ca0fe7d5dcdPost:e19af89f-45fe-405b-92df-bcf96905e516">Re: Who walks with me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My SIL had a similar situation.  Her bio dad was quite flaky <font color="#800080">(I think he decided 2 weeks before the wedding that he wanted to walk her down the aisle, and even still, we had her son as a back-up). </font> I don't recall why, but having her step-dad walk her down was never really an option. During the father-daughter dance, she danced with her dad.  Halfway through the dance, he handed her over to her step-dad to finish the dance.  It was really graceful.   Her dad is a bit of a douchecanoe and agreed to it ... maybe yours will, too?
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <font color="#800080">That is exactly what i'm worried about.! That not long before the wedding he will decide that he wants to participate and even though right now i'm saying i wont let him do that i have a feeling that in that moment my pleaser personality will take over and i will let him walk me downt he aisle. my step dad pretty much could care less ( at least that's what he say) as long as he has a role but i dont want to hear a couple days later that my step dad was hurt. Im pretty sure I wont be letting my bio-dad walk with me because honestly i'm more worried about hurting my step dad...</font>
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d03d15c-d336-4c27-b531-2ca0fe7d5dcdPost:61992612-5b5b-426b-a127-df5de1cbd13e">Re: Who walks with me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who walks with me? : My dad split on me as a kid, too. He had spent a year or two trying to make up for it all, and was doing a pretty bang up job of it. He's taken off again (not coming to my wedding at all), and I kind of think it's for the best. It was hard enough on me as a kid when he left... I don't want to have to worry about any future kids going through the same thing. I don't have any kids now, so I don't know completely how you're feeling, but I do sympathize. Does your son have a good relationship with your stepdad? Your FI's dad?
    Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]

    FI and his father barely speak. I doubt that he will even invite him. Sadly FI and I will be conjoining two VERY different familes. My side is very loving and caring and family oriented but his could really care less about one another. My son and step-dad have a great relationship as well.
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d03d15c-d336-4c27-b531-2ca0fe7d5dcdPost:cfac6599-26f8-49e8-b185-5e9c3e9af654">Re: Who walks with me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If he does decide to walk you and that is what you want have them both escort you. Just do not remove your step dad from the role you want for him because of your bio dad. 
    Posted by PrincessBride2016[/QUOTE]

    Oh surely not. yes I dont want to hurt either of them but i'm little more comfortable with bio-dad feeling however he feels rather than my step dad being hurt.
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