Intro - and a Question about Multiple Invites

FizzySips

Hi ~

My name is Rachael. I've been lurking for a month or two on these boards and truly enjoy all of the discussions (good and bad). I'm a project manager in healthcare (but I don't work on clinical projects) and live in Portland. Getting married August 23rd in Seattle. FI and I are 6 months into our new house and are so excited to finally be getting married! We enjoy books, food, video games (him moreso than me), reality tv (me moreso than him) and football. 

I read the thread earlier that newbies should have to demonstrate that they've read (and learned) from three posts to prove their worthiness, and I'm up to the challenge. Here's what I've learned:

1. Honeymoon registries are rude because its an outright ask for money and because they're deceptive (you don't actually get the massage on the beach, you get a check, less the service fee)
2. Showers are for physical gifts. Every attempt should be made to bring a physical gift to a shower (instead of a gift card) and the gifts should be opened! If gifts are not opened then it should be called a luncheon.
3. Your wedding day = the day you said your vows and signed your certificate NOT the day that you wear a fancy dress and everyone fawns over you. If you elope and want to party later, its a party not a reception.

HERE'S MY ???

What to do about two invites for the same day? Technically, we have to travel to both weddings, but one is truly a DW, and one is local to the B/G. Also of note, we have just received Save the Date cards (I can't call them STDs) and not actual invites yet (the date is 9/14)

Also, why is the search function so poor on these boards? I tried to search for a post about this topic but didn't have much luck.

Thanks!!

misshart00

Yay! You did your research! I already like you. As for the two save the dates. I would figure out which wedding is more convenient for you, finically or timing, then wait for the invitations. Decline the one you can't go to and accept the other one. While not necessary, I would still send a card and gift to the one you can't attend. And yes, the search feature is awful. There are a lot of IT issues around here.

itzMS

Hi Rachael. Thanks for an awesome first post.

I think there are a couple of factors to consider.

1. Are either of the weddings relatives of yours? (Generally, I always choose family first)
2. Which do you want to attend, if any? (Keep in mind, you could decline both invitations)

Loopyseven

Hi and welcome.  Thanks for the 3 things .

As for the question - attend whichever wedding you like/can afford to/you want to, etc.  Invitations are not summons.  You are free to attend one or the other or both or neither as you can afford and choose to.  I also would probably send at least a card and gift to the wedding I did not attend, but gifts are not required, so this is at your discretion and budget.

FizzySips

Funny! I was so concerned about etiquette and not being rude that I didn't really consider what WE wanted to do!

Thanks for bringing me back to reality.

Can't wait for the BSC posts to start today! I need some PPD or MOH drama!

AddieCake

Greetings and salutations, Rachael! I like anyone who abides by my wishes! The search function sucks b/c most of TK's tools suck. I would choose the wedding that you most prefer and can afford to attend.

MuppetFan

You're cool.

Kate61487

Ditto PPs; oddly enough we actually are in a similar situation.  Two STDs, two weddings on the same day in September (but the 7th), but ours are in the same city (OOT for us).  H is a GM in one so it's kind of a no brainer, but if timing allows I'll still try to attend the other ceremony at least.

As PPs have mentioned you can pick based on ease of attendance / cost / closeness to the couple, etc.  It may be poor form but I actually based my decision in part on who the other guests would be and how often/recently we've seen them.  I mean in reality you see the B&G for like 2 minutes and spend several hours with other guests.  The wedding we're missing is a sorority sister of mine and we have 3 other sorority sister weddings this summer so we'll see most if not all of the guests (and very likely the B&G) several times this year.  The other wedding is college friends of H we haven't seen since our own wedding and likely won't see for another yr+

winelover123

Hi and welcome! I'll just echo what PPs said. Which wedding do you want to go to? Who are you closer to? Which can you afford (if you can't swing the true DW because it's in Hawaii, for example, you'd probably choose the other instead)? I'd just wait for the invitations to come before giving any sort of a response.

wrigleyville

The same thing happened to us two years ago. Two of my cousins (different sides of the family) got married on the same day, and the weddings were on opposite ends of the state. Even though Cousin #1's wedding was much closer to us, we went to Cousin #2's wedding because that's the wedding my parents and siblings were going to.

We sent Cousin #1 and his wife a lovely gift and made it a point to have dinner with them and look at wedding and honeymoon pictures a few weeks after their honeymoon.

Teddy917

I will now use my physic powers to predict that this chic will get some major love come LFF/FFF.

Jen4948

Welcome!  Good job with the 3 things.

Well, the actual etiquette rule is that if you've already RSVPd yes to an invitation when another one comes, you honor the invitation you've already RSVPd yes for.

But since STDs are not invitations, I'd accept the invitation of the one you want to go to and decline the other.  It would make most sense to attend the wedding that's most convenient for you per your budget and schedule, but if you're closer to the other couple, you might attend the other wedding instead.