Inviting ceremony musicians to the rehearsal dinner

chelseab7

Ok, so I saw the post a few down about inviting musicians to the reception and I was actually just wondering the same thing about the rehearsal dinner? We are having a pianist (a woman who attends church with my mom) and a violinist (the 14 daugther of my FI's pastor). I would say no to inviting either to the dinner. The 14 year old would obviously need a ride, as well, so at least one parent would have to be invited. The problem is I think FI's parents are a bit miffed we are not using their pastor to perform the wedding and want to invite the entire family (4 people) to the rehearsal and dinner. Since they are paying, I'm fine with letting them make that decision. However, I don't want to then seem like pianist is the only one not invited to the dinner. Help!

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-ceremony-musicians-to-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b579f6bf-6351-4bba-888d-bb835d78911fPost:d7d8774e-d054-4953-94d3-da14dae70365">Inviting ceremony musicians to the rehearsal dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so I saw the post a few down about inviting musicians to the reception and I was actually just wondering the same thing about the rehearsal dinner? We are having a pianist (a woman who attends church with my mom) and a violinist (the 14 daugther of my FI's pastor). I would say no to inviting either to the dinner. The 14 year old would obviously need a ride, as well, so at least one parent would have to be invited. The problem is I think FI's parents are a bit miffed we are not using their pastor to perform the wedding and want to invite the entire family (4 people) to the rehearsal and dinner. Since <strong>they are paying</strong>, I'm fine with letting them make that decision. However, I don't want to then seem like pianist is the only one not invited to the dinner. Help!
Posted by chelseab7[/QUOTE]

There's your answer. It's not your choice about the violinist. So since the one musician is invited, the pianist (and her husband/SO) needs to be invited.

efmcc67

I think you should extend an invitation to the pianist. As a musician, I've never been paid extra to attend a rehearsal, so an invitation to the RD is appreciated. I will say that, for myself, I probably wouldn't go to the RD unless I knew the couple, since hanging out with someone else's family and friends isn't my idea of a good time. That being said, I think in this case it would seem like you're leaving the pianist out.

ETA: spelling.

chelseab7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-ceremony-musicians-to-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b579f6bf-6351-4bba-888d-bb835d78911fPost:e92dd5d4-ff90-438a-996c-9fa229d79e02">Re: Inviting ceremony musicians to the rehearsal dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should extend an invitation to the pianist. As a musician, I've never been paid extra to attend a rehearsal, so an invitation to the RD is appreciated. I will say that, for myself, I probably wouldn't go to the RD unless I knew the couple, since hanging out with someone else's family and friends isn't my idea of a good time. That being said, I think in this case it would seem like you're leaving the pianist out. ETA: spelling.
Posted by efmcc67[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I agree. I guess I was looking for some back up on here and I got it. Thanks!</div>

Ella and Pedro

We were told if we had our musician at the rehearsal we'd have to pay extra.  He has done countless other weddings at our venue, and is a well-known/experienced musician so we elected not to have him rehearse.  We figure the officiant (who is also experienced with this venue and this musician) could sort out the timing without him actually playing.   It is, frankly, one small element I wish it was in our budget to include, just because *I and the others in the wedding party are not as familar as these two vendors* but - I have determined to not stress and trust that the professionals will know what to do and will guide us accordingly.

Having said that, should we still invite him to our rehearsal dinner?  He is local and a very nice guy, so it's not a question of if he would be welcomed.  Also, I should point out that my FI's family are hosting this, and of course we'd also ask them what they wanted but before this conversation - I wonder - is this proper etiquette - because if so, I'd want to know this before discussing the rehearsal guest list and his inclusion?  Should we also invite his wife?  It seems if we invite him we should invite her. Thoughts?

Thanks!

P.S. not trying to hijack post, but now I'm really curious what everyone thinks. 

efmcc67

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-ceremony-musicians-to-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b579f6bf-6351-4bba-888d-bb835d78911fPost:e4d5e4d4-57e3-473e-a938-62ba0a608f4e">Re: Inviting ceremony musicians to the rehearsal dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]We were told if we had our musician at the rehearsal we'd have to pay extra.  He has done countless other weddings at our venue, and is a well-known/experienced musician so we elected not to have him rehearse.  We figure the officiant (who is also experienced with this venue and this musician) could sort out the timing without him actually playing.   It is, frankly, one small element I wish it was in our budget to include, just because *I and the others in the wedding party are not as familar as these two vendors* but - I have determined to not stress and trust that the professionals will know what to do and will guide us accordingly. Having said that, should we still invite him to our rehearsal dinner?  He is local and a very nice guy, so it's not a question of if he would be welcomed.  Also, I should point out that my FI's family are hosting this, and of course we'd also ask them what they wanted but before this conversation - I wonder - is this proper etiquette - because if so, I'd want to know this before discussing the rehearsal guest list and his inclusion?  Should we also invite his wife?  It seems if we invite him we should invite her. Thoughts? Thanks! P.S. not trying to hijack post, but now I'm really curious what everyone thinks. 
Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If he's not going to be at the rehearsal, you don't need to invite him to the RD.

</div>

musicalcanadianbride

If they are paid vendors and are being paid to be at your rehearsal, then you do not need to invite them to a social gathering afterwards. If they are friends to whom you are paying a small honourarium, then invite them. If they are paid vendors and doing your rehearsal for free, then invite them. 

allychase

We're inviting our pianist to the RD. Then again she is gifting us her services so we felt it was the least we could do