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birthday bridesmaid.

Hello!

I have been lurking around for quite awhile, so first things first I just want to say hello . :.

Secondly my bffbridesmaid's birthday is 2 days before my wedding. In my group we usually do exchange birthday gifts. I'm also buying each bridemaid individualized thank you gifts. There is a morrocan oil gift set that this bday bridesmaid is dyyyying for, but on its own its out of my budget for bridesmaids gifts and also out of my budget for her bday gift.

Would it be Inappropriate to buy it as a double duty gift?

Re: birthday bridesmaid.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    I'm not a fan of the double duty gift. That's like those poor Christmastime birthday people. Just make her thank you gift something a little less expensive than you originally planned. If you can't afford the oil set, don't buy it and buy something else. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Can you buy the components of the set separately, too? Do you need all the parts of the set for the gift to work? If the latter I'd just buy one of the things in the set. If the former I'd get the set then spend less than planned on the other gift.
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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I think double duty gifts are fine for something like birthday/mother's day maybe...but not something like your wedding.  As suggested, if the pieces can't be broken up then spend less on one of the gifts.  Or can you do gift cards for each so she can buy it herself?
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    As a Christmas Eve baby, double duty gifts are the worse. I would do separate gifts that you can afford.
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    I'm also a December baby.  Don't do a double duty gift.  They suck.  Can you find the oil set cheaper somewhere else?
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    Double-duty gifts are the worst. My birthday is 2 weeks before Christmas, and it's always bugged me.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b864fc94-9207-45fa-ae11-3e872a29576dPost:642c33b1-1d49-4bf0-92fb-87a2a9d8a899">Re: birthday bridesmaid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]As a Christmas Eve baby, double duty gifts are the worse. I would do separate gifts that you can afford.
    Posted by LisaA2014[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm curious...are the double-duty gifts at least big gifts? Or do people just buy one for whatever they usually spend on gifts and pass it off for two? </div>
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    I'm going to against the grain here.   In general, yes double duty gifts suck.  But I feel this case is a little different.  It's not like her birthday is going to fall around the same time as a wedding every year.  I would hope it's a one time thing.  

    Just speaking for myself but if this is something I was "dying" for something I would rather get a double duty gift than 2 separate okay gifts.    This is (hopefully) a one time thing.  It's not at all the same as someone who has a Dec/Jan birthday. Or a birthday the same time as a anniversary or Mother's day or something like that.   The bride will not be giving a BM gift to her year after year.

    I'll admit I've never gotten an awesome BM's gift before.  They have been nice, but not OMG great.  Again, I would rather the gift I was dying for.


    I see the other PP points, however.









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I'm a November baby and have received double duty gifts before.  It sucks.

    That being said, if you are close enough friends that she's standing up for you in your wedding, can you have a conversation with her about this?  Tell her that you really want to get her an awesome BM gift and birthday gift, but your budget is kinda thin right now.  See what she says.  If she'd rather have 2 gifts, then get her two gifts.  If she truly doesn't care about separate gifts (and again, you should know her well enough to know whether or not she's paying you lip service here and tell you what you want to hear), then get her one gift.
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    SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b864fc94-9207-45fa-ae11-3e872a29576dPost:423aae9f-ebf4-4abd-a675-31a07b86c345">Re: birthday bridesmaid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: birthday bridesmaid. : I'm curious...are the double-duty gifts at least big gifts? Or do people just buy one for whatever they usually spend on gifts and pass it off for two? 
    Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]

    <div>In my experience it's always been buying whatever they would spend on one and passing it off as two because, "your birthday is so close to the most expensive holiday." Yes, because it's my fault I was born in December.</div><div>
    </div><div>One year in high school I gave all my friends birthday/christmas gifts (in Feb., May, etc.) just to be a b*tch.</div>
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    I think this is ok.  I would talk to her and make sure she really wants it, and then let her know that you want it to be for her bday and your gift to her for being in your wedding.  I got a friend a joint Hannukah/bday gift this year, but I first asked her if she wanted it, since it was a little pricey.  She said she would, but it seemed more expensive than what we usually spent on gifts for each other, but I told her it would be my pleasure to get it for her as a double duty gift--I got her something she would really like, and she didn't feel like I overspent on one gift.

    You could also get her two gift cards for each occasion and let her buy it herself if you want, although I'd let her know your plan.  If it's $60 from Sephora, you could get a her a $30 gc for her bday and a $30 gc as her attendant gift.  
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    If she is close as I would assume she is I would ask her. Also you could try couponing sites or if you have a friend in the industry see if she can buy it with your money for you. Those hair ladies get awesome pricing.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b864fc94-9207-45fa-ae11-3e872a29576dPost:f66f54ef-0902-44d1-ab97-8cfe5ba1dbf5">Re: birthday bridesmaid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not a fan of the double duty gift. That's like those poor Christmastime birthday people. Just make her thank you gift something a little less expensive than you originally planned. If you can't afford the oil set, don't buy it and buy something else.
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    My fiance's birthday is ON Christmas day. One of his biggest peeves is the combined bday/Christmas gift....he finds it super annoying. But that's something that he has to face every year.

    This is a one time thing.  If I were a bridesmaid, *I* wouldn't feel slighted by the double-duty gift. However, if I talk to the other bridesmaids and they know what I got... I bet they'd be jealous. It's not like you can say "don't tell the others what you got" because they're all going to share and it'll just put her in an awkward positon.

    So I also agree with 2 separate gifts. 
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    I'm with lynda.  H is a Christmas baby and I confirmed with him before responding that if it's actually a bigger gift he doesn't mind the 'double duty' at all.  i.e. his mom bought him a PS3 one year as his bday and christmas gift, since it was obviously beyond the normal budget for either for those and was something he really really wanted he was totaly cool with it.  If I was your BM I'd rather get one gift I *really* wanted than two okay gifts.  as for the other girls being jealous the BM can always tell them it was a bday gift too...
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    I'd prefer a gift that I really wanted that is also a double duty gift versus two separate gifts. Since your wedding is a one time event, I think you're ok. I would definitely give a thank you card for the wedding too though.
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    If this is a combined dollar amount gift then I'm fine with it.

    It's when it's one gift pretending to be two when it sucks.   Pajama tops are not a birthday gift with the bottoms a Christmas gift.   DD is in the beginning of December and we've already started to ensure that her birthday is completely separate from Christmas.    
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    I agree that I think this is OK. It's a one-time thing (her bday won't always fall around a wedding, much less yours!) and I'd personally rather get the one thing I really wanted than two things I may not like as much.


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    I think it's fine.  FI is two days after x-mas and I ran this by him.  He said he wouldn't be bothered by the double duty gift as long as it is a larger gift (not a smaller one given as both to avoid having to buy a b-day gift).  It's not like this is something that would happen every.single.year.

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    Thanks for weighing in ladies! 

    This would definitely be a case of buying  1- $100 gift instead of 2- $50 gifts. I would never think to give her the same value gift as the other BMs and pass it off as both a thank you gift and a birthday gift. I agree with banana468 and her pajama analogy. That's super lame.

    I could buy some of the items separately, but the set comes with some "bonus" stuff.. so she would get more of her fav things for the same value as buying them separately. Of course that makes me want to buy it, lol. 

    I'm going to do some more searching and see if I can get a smaller gift set, and if not then maybe I'll check in with her and see what she thinks.

    ***Holiday time babies: My Friend's niece is born Dec 26, and the whole family gives her bday presents (wrapped in birthday wrapping) for her birthday, and then the do a special Christmas in July just for her. :) I think its cool.

    Thanks again
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    I think as long as the dollar amount is doing double duty your fine but I agree with Stage that it oculd come off offensive to the other bridesmaids. Could you purchase the set and wrap up half for her bday and half for the bm gift? That way still got all the bonus set stuff but she got half and half at each event.
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    MLG75 according to my FMIL birthday/Mother's Day combos are not okay. Lol. She is sure to remind us of that every year. :
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