Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Shower Vent

Soo, my co-ed wedding shower is this weekend. Sadly, FI will not be home but we knew it was 50/50 when we planned it because he traveled a lot.

So my best friend wanted to throw a shower but I wanted low key and was hesitant about a shower because of this being my second wedding. It seemed really important to her so I went along with it. FSIL volunteered to help then ended up saying that she would do her own thing for FIs family since we "live so far apart." We live about 45 minutes from some of FI's family.

So my MOH tries to plan with the other bridesmaids (all are FI's friends) and they all pretty much bail on her so she decided just to have it at where she works on Sunday. Free rent, she doesnt have to take off work, there is a bar if people want to drink, and she figured win/win.

Well, FSIL never planned anything for their family. So after FI's family called all hurt and upset my MOH and I worked out a new budget and planned a slightly bigger affair. No biggie. We had about 20 people call and ask to go. So we were able to make it work.

Flash forward to today. MOH bought all the food for her cook at her work to cook yesterday. All of these people that begged and pleaded to come that were offended not to be included have made other plans and decided to wait until today to tell MOH and I they werent coming. Yell

So not only do these people ASK for an invite, ARE ACCOMODATED, then they change their minds at the last minute? You have got to be kidding me.

And I know I probably sound like a brat right now but seriously, if they werent going to come why did they ask just 2 weeks ago when invites went out to be included?

FFIL and his GF are not going, FI wont be there, FSIL wont be there, and most of the bridal party outside of my best friend isnt going which is totally fine. But now I am upset that FSIL told people she was "hosting" and will not even be attending (nor does my MOH know who FSIL invited.)

What a fricken trainwreck. I am ready to pull my hair out. We just counted for my family and friends and left FI's peeps off the final guest list. I imagine the rest wont make the drive because it is too far away which is fine but why cant they just decline instead of making a big deal about going?
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Re: Shower Vent

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    Sorry. Have some wine and a bubble bath. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-vent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d068bf55-b98a-423d-8480-4f21e8cab7fbPost:367c48a4-b27a-40bd-bb47-47183003b7e3">Shower Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Soo, my co-ed wedding shower is this weekend. Sadly, FI will not be home but we knew it was 50/50 when we planned it because he traveled a lot. So my best friend wanted to throw a shower but I wanted low key and was hesitant about a shower because of this being my second wedding. It seemed really important to her so I went along with it. FSIL volunteered to help then ended up saying that she would do her own thing for FIs family since we "live so far apart." We live about 45 minutes from some of FI's family. So my MOH tries to plan with the other bridesmaids (all are FI's friends) and they all pretty much bail on her so she decided just to have it at where she works on Sunday. Free rent, she doesnt have to take off work, there is a bar if people want to drink, and she figured win/win. Well, FSIL never planned anything for their family. So after FI's family called all hurt and upset my MOH and I worked out a new budget and planned a slightly bigger affair. No biggie. We had about 20 people call and ask to go. So we were able to make it work. Flash forward to today. MOH bought all the food for her cook at her work to cook yesterday. All of these people that begged and pleaded to come that were offended not to be included have made other plans and decided to wait until today to tell MOH and I they werent coming. So not only do these people ASK for an invite, ARE ACCOMODATED, then they change their minds at the last minute? You have got to be kidding me. And I know I probably sound like a brat right now but seriously, if they werent going to come why did they ask just 2 weeks ago when invites went out to be included? FFIL and his GF are not going, FI wont be there, FSIL wont be there, and most of the bridal party outside of my best friend isnt going which is totally fine. But now I am upset that FSIL told people she was "hosting" and will not even be attending (nor does my MOH know who FSIL invited.) What a fricken trainwreck. I am ready to pull my hair out. We just counted for my family and friends and left FI's peeps off the final guest list. I imagine the rest wont make the drive because it is too far away which is fine but why cant they just decline instead of making a big deal about going?
    Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

    You don't sound like a brat. You're not upset about lost presents, you're upset that your MOH did all this work to find out that it was just an exercise.
     
    I'd be upset too and a little hurt that it's partially because people think 45 mins is too far.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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    I just dont get why you would call all up in arms because you werent invited and ask to go to just decline 2 days before the event. If you didnt want to go fine, but seriously? Get a grip.

    I think this may be stemming from us getting the invites out late. FI travels A LOT fo work so we sent them out on the 6th with a few stragglers went out all the way to the 13th. We didnt find out until the 6th that he would definitely be home for the wedding. We thought it was prudent to wait since we had save the dates out to everyone and our wedding website up so if we had to make changes we could without resending out invitations.  

    No one helped me with a guest list and his dad and gram both kept tacking people on. I got a lot of nasty phone calls about no invites and then FFIL and FGMIL did not tell me the people they invited had spouses (no issues easily accomodated we budgeted for 200 we are at 163 with spouses and vendors eating dinner) and that caused a stir too. 

    I want to yell at FI but I really cant, him traveling like this really just came out of the blue. His work was just like so by the way we are moving you to this position and you leave in 2 days get your affairs together and youre out. 

    What a mess.  
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    Wow, tough job.

    It does indeed make sense to make sure the groom can make it before sending invitations to his own wedding!

    You'll be okay. The invitations are out, people have been accomodated. Your shower will be what it is and you'll be surrounded by people who love you. This is frustrating for sure, but tomorrow will be another day !
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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