Wedding Etiquette Forum

People to invite

We are trying to have a small wedding.  But there are certain people for family and friends that I do want to invite, but then there are family/friends that I have known for sometime, but just don't see that often, that I really don't want to invite.  Is there a good way to go about deciding who to and not to invite.

Re: People to invite

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    That depends on your family dynamic. We only invited people who are in our lives on a regular basis, regardless of where they fall on our family trees. Not everyone can get away with that and keep the peace in their families. Some have to invite in circles to keep the peace.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    If you're not worried about family drama/fall out based on your guest list you can 100% invite who you truly want there (and their SOs) and leave everyone else off.  There is nothing wrong with that from an etiquette perspective.

    However, if you invite Aunt Jane and Uncle Bill but don't invite Aunt Suzie it may cause drama for you that you don't want to deal with.  For that reason we recommend "inviting in circles" i.e. all first cousins or none.  all aunts/uncles or none as a rule of thumb.  but this is 100% different for different families!  Just because you invite aunts/uncles on mom's side doesn't mean you have to invite them on dad's side, etc.  Also, if your family is more distant and you don't think anyone will be bothered by being left out since they don't see you often/ever by all means forget the "rule" entirely!

    With that in mind I'd sit down with FI and start listing.  Start with those you MUST have there, can't imagine the day without them.  Then list those you'd like to have if budget/space allow.  If you include 'obligation' invitations note them as such so if you get brave and decide to cut them they are easy to find.  then decide what works for you and make the cut.
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    We invited in circles. Immediate family, aunts and uncles and 1st cousins. A few of my 2nd cousins but not their adult children. It would have caused a sh!tstorm if I had invited only a few aunts and uncles.
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    My cousin seems to have invited every relative we have...even people I didn't know existed (and I'm the genealogy expert in the family!). My parents were much more judicious about inviting close relatives. It really depends on your family. Some relatives literally do not talk to each other or know where to find each other. Those people would not care if they were invited or not, regardless of whether they're aunts or siblings or 8th cousins.
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    Also keep in mind that just because someone invited you to their wedding, doesn't mean that you need to invite them to yours.   Also keep in mind that if someone else (i.e. a parent) is contributing significantly to the wedding then they also need to have a say in both how many people is small and who specifically is invited. 
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