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How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?

I've noticed that you ladies seem to be good at wording things nicely so maybe you can help me out with a dilemma. I have a friend who I was extremely close to growing up, we were literally inseparable from the age of 8 to 18. We have since grown apart, mostly due to life in general. I do still see her occasionally, we go for dinner maybe every 6 months. Anyways, when we were kids and in our very early teens we would always dream about our future weddings and pretendplan together. We always talked about being each others BMs. This was 15 years ago and we were young and silly, obviously things change and I forgot all about it. I saw her for dinner tonight and she said 'I can't wait to be in your wedding party! We've talked about this since we were little girls. I told my mom the news and she is so happy. Have you decided on dresses?'. Woah. I honestly had no idea what to say so I basically changed the subject. We are NOT that close anymore. I wish I had known when I was younger not to talk about these things. I already have 7 BMs and I've had to cut other close friends that I wanted in my WP we are having a small 115 person wedding so I don't want a gigantic WP. Do I just suck it up and include her even though I've had to cut girls that I'm way closer with? I have no idea how to tell her she's not in the WP without absolutely crushing her feelings. She seemed SO excited but we just really aren't close at all anymore. Help :

Re: How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-can-i-tell-my-friend-she-isnt-in-the-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3ee8571-dfb1-405d-8120-bb91f4bae381Post:b959166e-e68b-4d1e-870b-efb514513805">How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've noticed that you ladies seem to be good at wording things nicely so maybe you can help me out with a dilemma. I have a friend who I was extremely close to growing up, we were literally inseparable from the age of 8 to 18. We have since grown apart, mostly due to life in general. I do still see her occasionally, we go for dinner maybe every 6 months. Anyways, when we were kids and in our very early teens we would always dream about our future weddings and pretendplan together. We always talked about being each others BMs. This was 15 years ago and we were young and silly, obviously things change and I forgot all about it. I saw her for dinner tonight and she said 'I can't wait to be in your wedding party! We've talked about this since we were little girls. I told my mom the news and she is so happy. Have you decided on dresses?'. Woah. I honestly had no idea what to say so I basically changed the subject. We are NOT that close anymore. I wish I had known when I was younger not to talk about these things. I already have 7 BMs and I've had to cut other close friends that I wanted in my WP we are having a small 115 person wedding so I don't want a gigantic WP. Do I just suck it up and include her even though I've had to cut girls that I'm way closer with? I have no idea how to tell her she's not in the WP without absolutely crushing her feelings. She seemed SO excited but we just really aren't close at all anymore. Help :
    Posted by hollyallyse[/QUOTE]

    You only need to suck it up and include her if you really want her in your WP.  Otherwise, you suck it up and learn how to have an honest adult conversation.

    "Friend. I am sorry there may have been a misunderstanding about the wedding party.  You and I just aren't as close as we once were and I have asked friends and/or family members that I am currently very close to.  I hope you understand and I'm looking forward to having you as a guest at the wedding". 

    Yes, her feelings will be hurt. But,sometimes being honest does that.  And it may create a dialogue between the two of you where you can redevelop the friendship going forward.
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    Thanks that doesn't sound too bad. It's just so hard for me because I'm such a people pleaser. I hate hurting people but I know I have no choice but tell the truth. I just get flustered when I have to do things like this and I end up wording things wrong in the moment.
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    You COULD always try and include her differently by maybe asking if she'd do a reading?   Not sure if you're still feeling close enough to her to do that?  
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-can-i-tell-my-friend-she-isnt-in-the-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3ee8571-dfb1-405d-8120-bb91f4bae381Post:d1c5d85a-da3f-477d-bd1f-4dc7883de9f5">Re:How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks that doesn't sound too bad. It's just so hard for me because I'm such a people pleaser. I hate hurting people but I know I have no choice but tell the truth. I just get flustered when I have to do things like this and I end up wording things wrong in the moment.
    Posted by hollyallyse[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Holly, I completely understand about the people pleaser thing! are you a pisces too?!? And I agree, with PP. </div>
    Anniversary
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    In Response to Re:How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?:[QUOTE]You COULD always try and include her differently by maybe asking if she'd do a reading?Not sure if you're still feeling close enough to her to do that?Posted by mstallae[/QUOTE]

    Please don't do this. It will feel like a pity consolation prize, because it is. Especially when you have 7 other women you're publically declaring as closer to you than her. Just let her attend as a guest and have a good time.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-can-i-tell-my-friend-she-isnt-in-the-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3ee8571-dfb1-405d-8120-bb91f4bae381Post:5caa5052-6b75-4335-adc2-64eedbb315ed">Re: How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party? : You only need to suck it up and include her if you really want her in your WP.  Otherwise, you suck it up and learn how to have an honest adult conversation. "Friend. I am sorry there may have been a misunderstanding about the wedding party.  You and I just aren't as close as we once were and I have asked friends and/or family members that I am currently very close to.  I hope you understand and I'm looking forward to having you as a guest at the wedding".  Yes, her feelings will be hurt. But,sometimes being honest does that.  And it may create a dialogue between the two of you where you can redevelop the friendship going forward.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
    This. It won't be easy, but I think it's the best option. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-can-i-tell-my-friend-she-isnt-in-the-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3ee8571-dfb1-405d-8120-bb91f4bae381Post:fb7c5bc7-2f55-4529-b25b-e5241e37f006">Re: How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You COULD always try and include her differently by maybe asking if she'd do a reading?   Not sure if you're still feeling close enough to her to do that?  
    Posted by mstallae[/QUOTE]

    As Starmoon44 said above, I feel like this would be more hurtful. I did think about including her in another way but realized it seems like I'm saying "Sorry you aren't close enough to be in my wedding party but I can give you another less important job". Thanks for the advice. It's hard but I guess I have to just get up the courage to tell her the truth.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-can-i-tell-my-friend-she-isnt-in-the-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3ee8571-dfb1-405d-8120-bb91f4bae381Post:a0a3f38c-c31f-4c60-8f73-ed12a80ab711">Re:How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:How can I tell my friend she isn't in the wedding party? : Holly, I completely understand about the people pleaser thing! are you a pisces too?!? And I agree, with PP. 
    Posted by smalfrie19[/QUOTE]

    Weird, I actually am a pisces. Is this something we are known for? haha. It's the worst when planning a wedding though, it is so hard for me to say no to anyone. It's easy for people to walk all over me. I'm going to tell her the truth I just wanted advice on a nicer way to say it. She was overjoyed so I feel like I'm going to crush her :(
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